Brownie
10-01-04, 04:41
Message: Hi, Well I just wanted to see If there was anyone out here who feels exactly like I do because i have suffered from severe panic starting at a young age and now i am 19 and it has come back worse then ever. I just wanted to tell my story. It's a bit long so if ya dont wanna read i understand;) . My 1st panic attack was when i was in 2nd grade I awoke from bed my heart was racing i woke my parents up who thought i was having a heart attack because i was running around the house like a maniac i couldnt breath i felt as if i were going to die and mind you this was a long time ago and i remember it like it was yesterday. My dad kept making me go out on the porch to get some fresh air and finally hours later i finally calmed down and it stopped. I think It all started from going to school i had an incredibly mean teacher who would always pick on me during math which i was always horrible at and she would make fun of me. i know that may sound stupid but that is what it seemed to stem from I didnt go back to school for weeks i kept having the attacks but then after a few months they stopped. When I hit 8th grade i started having them off and on but not as severe the next year was put on paxil which made me very happy and feel great for about a month but then it stopped working it also made me lose a lot of weight then by the time i was in 10th grade i started seeing therapists and phychiatrists who put me on one med to another you name it i was on it throughout this whole time i felt ok just a minor attack here and there but i also suffered from depression on and off so i stayed on the meds i finally stopped going to therapists and phychiatrists when i was 17 because they just werent helping so i just went to my regular doctor who prescribed me celexa for panic and depression and lithium for manic depresive (which i dont think i am but oh well)everything was fine all of those years I lived a normal life nothing like how my life is now. In septemeber of this year i completely got off of my celexa i had gradually done it. I wanted to know how i was without medication if my personality was any diffrent and just because i was on meds for so long and i had been fine for so long. Well one morning in the beginning of novemeber i woke up with a lot of pain in my legs for some reason it was like 7 in the morning i couldnt sleep at all i was in so much pain. I went down stairs and layed on the couch (still to this day i dont know why i was in pain like that) around 10 my mom woke up and came down stairs she started watching tv with me all of a sudden i couldnt breathe my heart was racing out of nowhere i hadnt felt this was since back when i was in 2nd grade. My mind also kept racing thinking about lies i told and things that bothered me i had to get everything out or i didnt feel any better once again i know it sounds crazy. every day after that for two weeks i would have to take 2 to 3 xanax a day to calm me down because from the moment i woke up to the moment i went to sleep i would have panic attacks. Then my mom brought me to my doctor who prescribed me xanax xr which is a new form of xanax that is supposed to last all day. He also prescribed me the celexa again. I have been on the xanax xr for about a month now it works ok but im still pretty anxiuos most of the time with my crazy irrational thoughts and my mind is always going crazy thinking constantly about nonscense that makes me panic. Today i started my celexa again it didnt seem to mix well with the xanax at first causei felt very drugged up and strange. I also have no health insuance and these med are'nt very cheap the xanax xr is $150 a month and the celexa $90. I just want all this to stop i want to live a normal life again. If theres anyone out there who feels like me please write back. Thanks for listening to my loooong story[:I]
-Christie
-Christie