Feeling guilty??

[Prue89]

I might ramble on abit here so please bear with me :D
Always had a turbulant relationship with my mum. It started when i was 10 i moved out to live with my dad, It wasn't because of my mum, it was other reasons in that house.
Anyway, we fell out quite badly about 5 years and finally started to repair the damage at the beginning of this year. She moved to stoke on trent about 6 years ago, and i live near nottingham.
My sister moved back to the area so my mum regularly comes down to visit her and on the way she'd stop in on me.
She came up for my birthday at the end of june. She was planning for us all to go to see my sister who lives about 30 minutes away. Alittle nervous but ok.
I was rather ill at the time (my boyfriend is convinced i had mild swine flu :roflmao: )
Anyway, wasn't enough space in my mums car for us all, so me and my hubby followed. The roads were rather bendy which didn't help my feeling ill-ness. When we arrived it turned out that her village was having a fun day on this massive field. I tried my hardest but i was absolutely terrified. I tried keeping myself calm and distracting myself but to no avail. Hubby took me to a quiet corner and I still couldn't calm down. After about half an hour I couldn't do it anymore and I told my mum that i was going home. She knows the problems i have and she's suffered panic attacks herself. But the instant i said it she had such a horrible look on her face. She wouldn't hug me goodbye and barely said anything. She's been down since and hasn't dropped by. I've tried calling her many times but she won't pick up.

I don't know what to do. I tried my hardest but i couldn't do it and she was obviously annoyed with me for it.

I used to feel guilty for being with my boyfriend. Worried i wasn't being a good girlfriend because i couldn't come out with friends or we couldn't go for a meal and that he was only with me because he felt sorry for me, then he asked me to marry him so that wiped away them worries.

Should i feel guilty about not staying longer with my mum, i keep saying im going to go and visit in stoke but i've never found the courage. I just don't know what to do. I've tried for years to get my mum to love me and treat me like a daughter not someone she met in the street. I don't know if i can try anymore.

But i still feel guilty, still feel like my panic is ruining other peoples lives aswell as my own.

Does anyone feel the same?

[wiskersonkittens]

I have a similar experience with my mother -- only she didn't raise me. I have tried and tried over the last few years to get closer to her, but if I do or say something she doesn't like she blows up at me and says awful things. Almost like a child having a temper tantrum. She did this to me recently and I must say, I have had enough. I don't deserve it and I am tired of trying to make up for something that will never be there. It is a very tough decision to make, and I know tougher for you because you got to have that mother/daughter relationship, but a family friend told me that no one needs to tolerate abuse (physical or emotional) from anyone, no matter who the person is. She was right and I am not going to tolerate it any more. I let her get to me this last time. I spent a weekend in tears over the things she said to me -- but all that is wasted. It isn't us, it's them. If they can't accept us for who we are, and can't be proud of us . . . if we are here to cater to them and make life easier for them, that isn't fair to us. In my opinion, they are the parents and they need to nurture and not hurt. Not saying we have a right to be disrespectful back, but it starts with them, as their core responsibility to us. I only get it from my mother when things are going her way. I can't do that anymore. I want a mother, not a swinging door. I have backed off and avoided. I know my mother wanted me to come crawling back and beg for her forgiveness for whatever horrible thing I did in her eyes; but I didn't. I won't. She is being too nice now -- I hate that, too. It's just emotional manipulation. I would suggest you lie low for awhile and see what happens. You are giving your mother power over you and your feelings when you have to call all the time and try and make amends. She probably enjoys the control. Let it go and live your life and see if she comes around. It will be interesting to see. Hugs, Wiskers ~