FedUp&Scared
22-07-09, 12:50
... I'm fed up and scared.
I gave birth to twins last September and since then I have virtually shut off from the outside world.
I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder but after much reading I know it is an increasingly serious case of agoraphobia.
I have tried hypnotherapy and CBT but they didn't help. I was prescribed Citalopram but it made me feel so terrible that I couldn't take it after 3 days - I could barely function (not an option with 2 babies to look after).
I have now got a box of flupentixol in front of me. I've had them for 4 weeks now but I just can't face taking them in case I feel as bad as I did with the citalopram.
Just writing this makes me feel even more hopeless.
I think I have only had very subtle symptoms of panic attacks on most occassions (more serious a couple of times) but it is the fear of having a panic attack that is stopping me from leaving the house and living my life.
In the beginning it wasn't too bad because nobody really expected me to take 2 tiny babies out in the winter. Now though, I have a load of occassions (birthdays, etc.) which I really should be part of (for my benefit, the benefit of my twins and husband, and to prevent my family and friends thinking that I'm selfish and wrapped up in myself).
I hate having to make excuses - it seems to punctuate my smooth-running life stuck here in the house all week. I am starting to dread weekends as I know that I will have to make excuses.
I have done a fair bit of reading and I'm not sure if it has helped or not. I feel more informed but that isn't always a good thing when you're not thinking clearly is it?!?! I find Claire Weekes books absolutely brilliant but I can't find the balls to face the feelings and accept them.
I am determined to beat this and see it as a short-term way of life but at the moment I can't see a way out of it.
So, that's me... Fed Up & Scared.
X :)
I gave birth to twins last September and since then I have virtually shut off from the outside world.
I have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder but after much reading I know it is an increasingly serious case of agoraphobia.
I have tried hypnotherapy and CBT but they didn't help. I was prescribed Citalopram but it made me feel so terrible that I couldn't take it after 3 days - I could barely function (not an option with 2 babies to look after).
I have now got a box of flupentixol in front of me. I've had them for 4 weeks now but I just can't face taking them in case I feel as bad as I did with the citalopram.
Just writing this makes me feel even more hopeless.
I think I have only had very subtle symptoms of panic attacks on most occassions (more serious a couple of times) but it is the fear of having a panic attack that is stopping me from leaving the house and living my life.
In the beginning it wasn't too bad because nobody really expected me to take 2 tiny babies out in the winter. Now though, I have a load of occassions (birthdays, etc.) which I really should be part of (for my benefit, the benefit of my twins and husband, and to prevent my family and friends thinking that I'm selfish and wrapped up in myself).
I hate having to make excuses - it seems to punctuate my smooth-running life stuck here in the house all week. I am starting to dread weekends as I know that I will have to make excuses.
I have done a fair bit of reading and I'm not sure if it has helped or not. I feel more informed but that isn't always a good thing when you're not thinking clearly is it?!?! I find Claire Weekes books absolutely brilliant but I can't find the balls to face the feelings and accept them.
I am determined to beat this and see it as a short-term way of life but at the moment I can't see a way out of it.
So, that's me... Fed Up & Scared.
X :)