Wtf is going on???

[DaniAmi]

Hi.
I'm 27 and am convinced I will die young. This fear is all consuming & I'm scared that I'm going to have some sort of nervous breakdown before too long.

I'm asthmatic...fairly well controlled but gives me bother occasionally. I have ectopic heartbeats...at least, that's what the consultant told me...of course, I don't believe him, I think something has been overlooked...and each time they happen, I freak out & think I'm in my last few minutes of life.

I have a black spot which floats across my eye daily...and some weird shapes which I can't focus on, they kind of move with my eye. Recently, I've started to see things that aren't there, something will catch my eye and when I look, there's nothing there. I also have chronic tinnitus. It's getting worse and is driving me crazy. It's high pitched, in both ears & is now accompanied by a feeling of pressure in my head and ears...my ears have started to hurt too.

I get headaches and migraines a lot but recently, they've been more frequent. I feel sick with them too & have had a few "black out" episodes.

I think I have a brain tumour/aneurysm basically. The symptoms I have concur with that diagnosis....although because of my hypochondria & general morbid depression, I keep telling myself that no, I'm being stupid. I daren't go to my GP or talk to my family because I am a laughing stock when it comes to my health. I am forever panicking about some ailment or another. I have panic attacks a few times a month....some which result in 999 calls or trips to A & E.

I can't go on like this. I have been this way since I was 21...it is eating up my life. Hell, if I am dying, I'm wasting what time I have left!!

I have started drinking to cope which, ironically, is bad for my health but it's a vicious circle that I can't get out of. I dont know what to do. I'm terrified of dying. I know I wouldn't cope if I was told there was something seriously wrong with me. The floating thing in my eye was checked out when I was about 19 & I was advised that it was just a "floater", nothing sinister...but what if they were wrong & it was something sinister which I have overlooked since 19....what if there is nothng that can be done now because of the amount of time that has passed???

I hate being this way. I hate my life, I hate me. I've been seeing a psychologist but it's not stopping these thoughts. I am at a loss. I sometimes think I should be locked up for my own good.

I know this is a long post and I apologise....but I have been stewing on things all day and I'm lost.

:scared10:

[seeker]

sadly, i think you're just getting older! I have recently develped the black floating spots you talk about - they are very common and caused by the gel in your eyeball hardening - you are seeing the shadow the strands cause on your retina. I also have very bad tinnitus - again, age related deterioration in my ears.

I think a lot of your other symptoms are caused by heightened anxiety and awareness of your own body. When I got as anxious as you are, I became very depressed ith it, and ended up taking proac for 9 months - I gradually got better to the point where I could give up the pills and have been ok since.

Hope you feel better soon - i'm 32. have you got a job to distract you?

[Valka]

A lot of what you describe could be me. I'm a year older than you, have had serious health anxiety since around the age of 20 and I'm so tired of how all-consuming this health anxiety is. I just want a normal life, I want to stop spending every waking moment obsessing over some disease or condition or other. It's horrendous, isn't it? It's such a vicious circle. First you overreact to some tiny physical symptom, which then makes it worse, which then makes you more anxious, which then again makes it worse, etcetera etcetera.

Drinking definitely makes it worse, I've actually pretty much given up drinking apart from the occasional glass because I can feel it increasing my anxiety for days afterwards. It's always one of the first things any GP/psychiatrist asks me about since it's such a big trigger for anxiety.

Don't be afraid of seeing your GP. I know it can feel as if they're not listening and they think you're "just" anxious, but maybe you can find a good one and then try and stick with them? I really like the GP I recently started seeing. She reassured me that they deal with a lot of people with health anxiety and that there's nothing wrong with coming in, in fact she encouraged me to come in when I can feel myself getting into the vicious circle once again. That's what I'm doing now - I have an appointment for Friday about this breathing thing which is ruining my days at the moment.

By the way, I have a couple of floaters too, I think most people get them as they get older!

General heart weirdness, headaches etc. are all common symptoms of anxiety. I know being aware of this doesn't take it all away, but it does help me when I start freaking out about something or other.

Hope you feel better soon. It feels good coming in here and seeing other people go through similar things, especially because to most people who don't suffer from anxiety it's just a bit of silliness ...

[didi768]

Got a few of what you have but sounds like you have obsessive thoughts mostly. Most of our fears are unfounded and never come true. Find something to occupy your mind in a good way. I'm reading the old testament about King David and Saul and it is so cool what they all went through. You are not alone.