feels like my heart has just been ripped out

[mummy4]

because of what my husband has just said to me..........'the only reason you take anti depressants is for attention theres nothing wrong with you really' :weep: :weep:
i cannot explain how this has made me feel.
i have been very worried the past couple of days as i took my last 5mg cipralex last night and am due to start my 10mg cipralex either tonight or tomorrow night and i am petrified of upping the dose incase of bad side effects (see my other thread) and i have also told hubby this.
i am 26 with 4 children and have had very bad anxiety since i was 17 sometimes resulting in running out of supermarkets due to panick attack and its made my life hell. hubby always says hes there for me to talk to etc but after his comment im not so sure. he and my ex (the father of my eldest daughter) are the only ones who know im on tabs and i said to hubby 'if its all for attention how come no friends or my parents dont know i take tabs' and he replied 'because you choose who you want the attention from' im gutted and feel i now have not 1 person to talk to or confide in in fact i feel quite heartbroken as i thought different of him than to be this shallow :(

[mummy4]

oh and to top it all off hes just seen me on this site and said 'that site is for attention seekers only its pathetic' i honestly cant believe him i think this site is a great help how dare he in fact im feeling quite angry now

[Diane O'Brien]

Hi There

Unfortunately there is still a lot of stigma with takin antidepressants and people with mental health issues. I really don't know the situation but your husband may be feelin a little scared. People who make comments are the ones who really don't know enough about these topics. He may worry about not being able to fix it, because u can't see depression its very hard for some people to understand it. Take strength from the fact that your not on your own, what u have is very real. I tell people sometimes I,m on medication and I get negative responses. Please keep with the tablets, it sounds like u are a strong person, keep posting it helps to know your not on your own.

Be kind to yourself and things will soon start to improve.


Diane xxx

[mummy4]

hi diane
sometimes i think hes just trying to break me down you know. hes always telling me he cant be dealing with my 'moaning' and he will leave me and this makes me not talk to him even more as he really does say everything is moaning

[Stressed32]

Hi mummy4- I got off my meds b/c of my hubby too. He made me feel like a druggie! I know they love us...but they really do not understand what we are going through! Mine says to me I have a perfect life and I have nothing to worry about.....he does not understand that I don't worry about a late bill....I worry about death and stuff that is "absurd" to him. mummy4, I am so sorry you are going through this! I know that when they act like this it makes you feel alone. I hid my meds from him for a while too then felt guilty for telling a lie.
Just remember, he does love you...he just can't understand how you feel because he has never experienced this before. It is not that he doen not want to....he can't and is not able. It is like me trying to explain what life is on Mars to you when you have no concept of that.
As far as this site goes, I don't even let my hubby know I come here for the same reason. Mine saw me on here once and say...."oh God, that is so stupid". Stay strong honey....once things calm down a bit try talking to him and letting him know how you feel. Good luck and if you need to talk, we are all here.

[paullong]

Its hard to be upset with people who just dont understand. I wouldnt wish this on anyone but often wish i could give it to them just for one day so they can see from this side of the fence. Ive heard "buck your ideas up" and "stop feeling sorry for yourself" so many times over the years and it still fires me up. I dont think any of us want sympathy but a bit of understanding wouldnt go amiss at times.....

[Prue89]

I understand how your feeling, my hubby has said it quite a few times. Though usually only in the heat of an arguement, is that what happened here or did it come out of nowhere?
Hubby always apologises and says he didn't mean it then becomes my slave for a couple of days:whistles:

It is hard for the partners of sufferes to understand, it does majorly affect them aswell. So i aways forgive if he apologises because its hard on him too.

I don't know your personal circumstances, if this has happened before etc.
But maybe wait untill you both cool down and talk to him about it, tell him how much it hurt you and ask him how he's finding coping with your problem.

Hope you kiss and make up

:bighug:

Prue xx

[Diane O'Brien]

Hello

I hope u feel a little better today.


Diane xxx

[mummy4]

hi
not really feeling better hubby gone to view a flat today as we just are not gettin on lately.
yes it was said in an arguement but we talked this morning and he said he did not regret anything he said to me about this illness :(
start my 10mg tonight and am very very scared

[maddie]

There's only really one truth about anxiety and that is that only the sufferer can get themselves out of it. My partner is great with me - accepts what I can and can't do, does the rest - but I know that at times he feels frustrated with me and guilty with himself that he can't make it better for me. No matter how hard he tries, all his efforts make little or no difference. That does sometimes depress him. It's no fun for him living a restricted life with me.

Just like if you had a broken leg, you'd quickly train your kids not to jump on it, we have (unwittingly) trained our partners to respond to our needs. Sounds like your hubby is rebelling against that at the moment. It might feel as if he's being horrid, but I think he's trying to be honest about the effects of your anxiety on him. We are very, very hard to live with. Perhaps if you could show him that you recognise that? Agree to make special time alone with him for a dinner and music after the kids go to bed, or whatever would please you both? Give him something in his week to look forward to.

You've just come through illness with your children and I'm sure you are tired and upset. Is today the right time to up your meds? Maybe ring the Doc to ask?

My partner doesn't like me to be on nmp too much. Although it is a wonderfully helpful site, I have found that it can become addictive and depressive. I am now selective in what I read.

I hope you can work things out. Big hug. Good luck.

[Marginalia]

Please take or leave my post since I'm no expert, but I just wanted to give another perspective, if only as a contrast you can dismiss.

Your husband's comments come across to me as not just lacking understanding, but positively spiteful. Now as people point out, nobody is a saint in relationships and this might be not at all typical for him, but if he often picks at you, you might want to read up on emotional abuse.

Now as people have pointed out it might just be a sign that he's feeling stressed, distressed and angry himself, though personally I don't think that means you should put up and shut up. I do think you need to let him know in some way that it's upsetting and disrespectful to you (as indeed I'm sure you would agree if you heard somebody saying that to any other person with anxiety/depression), but by all means see if you can use this to discuss his feelings as well as your own.

I'd strongly recommend relationship counselling (RELATE?) if he would be willing, or if not, definitely recommend counselling for yourself, as you say you have nobody else to talk to, and it really sounds like you need somebody to listen to and understand you and be on your side at this moment in time. It may be that your husband has just run out of emotional resources to listen to you and hence perceives you as being 'too demanding of attention' for that reason, so it might help both of you if the pressure he feels, is shared with another person (and we all need a variety of social support - he is being quite contrary discouraging you from coming to this forum).

As I said I'm not sure if anything I say is actually applicable to your situation, so disregard it it does not resonate with you,

Min

[lotte_82]

My husband was also like that when I was intially signed off work in February, in fact he only actually realised HOW ill i was once I was admitted to the Psychiatric Ward in May for 3 weeks.......however my husband is again slipping back to his old ways, and making me feel very useless, stupid etc :blush:

I hope things are a bit better for you soon

[nok_tok]

aww bless you, my partner wasnt very understanding with my panic attacks..he kept saying just 'snap out of it'...well its not that easy, x x x x

[playman44]

my wife is just the same,she says that if i feel bad to go and see someone ,but what i really want is to talk with her about the wqay i feel, how scared i am all the time , but she thinks i am not really ill that its in my head ,i get scared just walking down the road ,i feel so hurt that the one person i thought would give me the support i need is the one that seems so distant from me . try not to worry to much we are here for you