SamP
23-07-09, 22:22
Gosh where to start, basically for the last three years I have been in my own weird world which is not a nice place to be.
It started when I moved house and it now took an hour and half to get to work by public transport as I dont drive. I hated the journey and felt scared on the bus, could not cope with people sitting by me and I would feel sick having to make my way past people to get off. This then seemed to go out of control and I became paranoid about thinking people could knock my glasses and going out in public places became a nightmare. I hated people coming near me and just to have a hug with my hubby or friends I would feel sick.I am very conscious of my space and its gone to another level to the point where I dont seem to be able to judge distance and the space around me. Walking down corridors or through a doorway is a nightmare I feel everything is coming in and I get so dizzy. Opening a door, reaching into the washing machine, trying to take something out of a cupboard is horrible for me I feel sick and think I am going to hit my face. I have stood at the kitchen sink emptying the washing up bowl thinking that I could have hit my face. I put something in the oven and thought I may have hit my face and the annoying thing that I cant seem to stop myself from doing is then checking and checking over and over again, for example if i open a door and i feel the door was close I'll keep opening the cupboard and I know it makes the situation worse but its as if I have to keep checking. Work and home I never seem to be able to relax, at home sat on the settee I think that i can knock my face. In a car I just stare forward as I am frightened to turn my head to look out.
At work I sometimes try not to go to the loo as walking down the corridor and stairs is traumatic as the corridor is narrow and i feel scared that I am going to walk into the wall as I get so dizzy and feel like I am aiming to the side.
Everyday is a struggle. I feel so exhausted all the time and I get loads of headaches and dizzy spells. I also get so hot I feel like I am on fire. I get just a horrible scared feeling in side.
Even writing this I have freaked myself. I picked up the laptop and think I have hit myself in the face how stupid why do I do this. Its just this feeling that everything is so close I actually get scared of things that have not even happened.
Its nice to know there are people out there who understand. My husband is struggling to cope with what I am going through and snaps at me which does not help.
After months and months of waiting I now have a placement on an anxiety course at the hospital which starts end of September.
I so want to change and every day I try to fight myself to be normal but its so hard. Some days are really bad and I dont feel its going to end.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
It started when I moved house and it now took an hour and half to get to work by public transport as I dont drive. I hated the journey and felt scared on the bus, could not cope with people sitting by me and I would feel sick having to make my way past people to get off. This then seemed to go out of control and I became paranoid about thinking people could knock my glasses and going out in public places became a nightmare. I hated people coming near me and just to have a hug with my hubby or friends I would feel sick.I am very conscious of my space and its gone to another level to the point where I dont seem to be able to judge distance and the space around me. Walking down corridors or through a doorway is a nightmare I feel everything is coming in and I get so dizzy. Opening a door, reaching into the washing machine, trying to take something out of a cupboard is horrible for me I feel sick and think I am going to hit my face. I have stood at the kitchen sink emptying the washing up bowl thinking that I could have hit my face. I put something in the oven and thought I may have hit my face and the annoying thing that I cant seem to stop myself from doing is then checking and checking over and over again, for example if i open a door and i feel the door was close I'll keep opening the cupboard and I know it makes the situation worse but its as if I have to keep checking. Work and home I never seem to be able to relax, at home sat on the settee I think that i can knock my face. In a car I just stare forward as I am frightened to turn my head to look out.
At work I sometimes try not to go to the loo as walking down the corridor and stairs is traumatic as the corridor is narrow and i feel scared that I am going to walk into the wall as I get so dizzy and feel like I am aiming to the side.
Everyday is a struggle. I feel so exhausted all the time and I get loads of headaches and dizzy spells. I also get so hot I feel like I am on fire. I get just a horrible scared feeling in side.
Even writing this I have freaked myself. I picked up the laptop and think I have hit myself in the face how stupid why do I do this. Its just this feeling that everything is so close I actually get scared of things that have not even happened.
Its nice to know there are people out there who understand. My husband is struggling to cope with what I am going through and snaps at me which does not help.
After months and months of waiting I now have a placement on an anxiety course at the hospital which starts end of September.
I so want to change and every day I try to fight myself to be normal but its so hard. Some days are really bad and I dont feel its going to end.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.