PDA

View Full Version : New and need some help..please! Derealisation?



Alicat
23-07-09, 22:53
Hi there,

I'm Ali, I'm 27 and have had problems with anxiety/depression for...as long as I can remember. I first went to the dr when I was 22 but I'd had problems before.
I'm in a wheelchair because I have Spina Bifida and have scoliosis. I can be ok for ages at a time and I haven't had any serious bouts of depression for over a year...until the last couple of months. I've been feeling a bit depressed, kind of lost and empty. Also, my spine is getting worse and I'm going to need major surgery to straighten out my spine because it's crushing my lungs. Then...my physio of 4 years who I have a great relationship with has announced he's leaving and I'm really upset and dreading my last appointment in a couple of weeks. :weep:

Anyway, I've been aware I've been feeling low since about June and was conscious of being worried about my spine for a while. About 2 weeks ago, I woke up in the morning and just felt utter panic, like I didn't know what to do with myself, what I should do, what the point of anything was. I can only describe it as overwhelming panic.

That day, I was doing stuff but had to keep going to bed because I just felt overwhelmed with panic and was scared I was going to hurt myself. I then spent the next few days feeling like I was watching everyone else living their life and I wasn't part of it. Everything felt like a horrible kind of dream and it was like other people were going about their lives with some kind of purpose and I wasn't missing out on something they were all in on. :huh:

It's two weeks later and I'm still feeling a bit like it. Like I don't know what the point of life is, whereas usually I'll just live my life without thinking about 'how and why' I'm doing anything. I was with my friend earlier and she was saying about how she didn't want to get swine flu and die and I was just thinking 'I don't really care'. Surely that's not right!!

I went to the dr a 10 days ago and told her about how I'd been feeling depressed (and suicidal) and she was quite dismissive and gave me a 'dealing with stress and anxiety' booklet. Now, I have read so much on anxiety and depression I could write my own book and tell her stuff!! I didn't tell her about the derealisation/depersonalisation feeling cos I felt silly and my mind went blank. I'm supposed to be seeing her again on Monday but I'm going to cancel my appointment because I don't feel comfortable with her.

Sorry I've gone on. Has anyone got any advice? This is really getting me down.

Thanks

Ali

Veronica H
23-07-09, 23:04
:welcome: to NMP Ali. You will find comfort and support here. I would get an appointment with another Dr if you can. Each Dr is different in their approach to anxiety/depression. If this is not possible I would not cancel the appointment but let the Dr know that you have read the booklet, but mention the depersonalisation/derealisation so that she has the full picture. Glad that you have found us Ali. Let us know how you get on.

Veronica