cant take much more :o(

[leighann.p.]

hi there everyone, im new to this site so i dont really know where to start, i suppose i should start by telling u all how this all first started and how its carried on from there,

it all started roughly 3 months ago now, i started a course of antibiotics just to help with acne, i only took 2 tablets in the morning and within 6 hours i had what i thought was a hallucination, now im not so sure and am thinking that it was a form of panic attack because i stopped taking the tablets but the horrible side effect carried on,
the worst of it lasted roughly 2 weeks, it got to the point where i didnt even know if i was dreaming or awake :o(, i kept thinking i was going to die, that i had a brain tumor and so on......... i went to see my doctor who told me it was a panic attack and that only i could control it or it would control my life, i seem to have controled the panic attacks now but the anxciety will not go away and is making my life misrable, my vision seems to have gone from bad to worse, iv had 2 eye check ups and they both came up clear, iv got an app at the hospital on the 30th of this month to have furthur checks, but after reading other peoples side effects im starting to think my vision prob is down to my anxiety, i cant really describe it that well, but i feel like i see too much light and have a haze making my vision groggy, i have constant headachs, tension in my neck and top of my head, am always exhausted and have no motivation, where i used to love going to bed at night, now i hate it, i have to leave my bathroom light on so its not to dark, and worry that i wount wake up in the morning, and now i am terrified of dieing :o(,
i dont know if i can take much more of feeling this way, it has made my life so difficult because i am trying to bring up 3 children ages 5 and under on my own which is hard enough without the anxciety, i am thinking about going to see my doc to ask for help, but wanted to see if anyone else was having all these problems too, can anyone help me, i feel like iv hit a brick wall and cant take much more, :o( PLEASE HELP x x x

[jackie13]

Hi there

So sorry you are not feeling too good at the moment?

I think you need to speak to your GP regarding the antibiotics he put you on. Are you still taking them?

Jackie xx

[leighann.p.]

hi there jackie, i did speak to my doctor about the antibiotics and they told me to stop taking them sraight away, but i already had, they think that i have a sensitive body that cant handle certon drugs,

i have had the same funny turn on 3 other occasions, twice when i was on gas and air during my labours and once when i tried smoking skunk, i did tell the doc this and thats when he said i had a sensitive body, but i never had these symptoms after, they ended the same day.

now all i get told is that im suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, and on one occasion i was offerd help with pills, i turned them down because i was terrified about trying a new pill and having another funny turn but i think i have got to the point where i need some form of help, my vision is prob what bothers me the most, i never feel normal,

leigh-ann x

[paullong]

It definately sounds like anxiety which as many people on here will tell you takes many different forms. I personally get it in my head and neck or my stomach and i too have vision problems at times. Everything you write about is so familiar with many people you may talk to on here. If youre having eye trouble try not to dwell on it (easier said than done!) cause the anxiety will only make it worse! Anxiety feeds on worry...Good luck honey...Keep smilin

[leighann.p.]

hi there paul240968

i know what u mean about anxiety feeding on worry, since all this started all iv done is worry which has made it 10x worse, i worry about absoloutly everything, and i find it gets worse of an evening, i used to love evenings but now they terrify me,
i feel like im trying so hard to keep a smile on my face but at times its impossible, people around me think im copeing but i really dont think i am, everything has started to slide, including my house, i cant seem to get myself up to do anything, which really is not like me,
do u find that u have lost motivation to do anything or is this just me?

leighann x

[paullong]

I dont think motivation is a problem for me as i keep fighting it. I find things to do and make myself do them and try to get out as much as possible even though some days it seems impossible. You know as well as i do deep down you aint seriously ill its the anxiety giving all these thoughts and feelings so i choose to fight them and prove them wrong. And hey so the housework dont get done hardly the end of the world right?

[wiskersonkittens]

Leighann, I just had to join in the discussion here. i have battled anxiety/depression for most of my life. I even have OCD that, as memory serves, I have had experiences with it since I was much younger. I feel your frustration and worry. My heart goes out to you.
I have been a pharmaphobe (I THINK that's what it is called when you are afraid to take meds) ever since last year when I had a bad reaction to Rx pseudophederine. Ever since, I have stayed away from taking meds. Then, of course, a few weeks ago I had to undergo surgery and had to take some strong antibiotics prior, mixed in with all the drugs they give you in the hospital. I was worried then and still am about whether or not those drugs harmed me in anyway. I would like to assume not because they drew my blood before surgery and the day after and I would imagine it would be evident something wasn't right. But, still, I worry.
It sounds, when you speak of lost motivation, that you could also be depressed. I have 3 kids, too, 6 and under so I understand where you are coming from. We don't have time to be anxious and suffer all this -- but we do, and with my OCD it consumes me so much I have been known to just sit on the couch all day while my kids played and focused on whatever fear I had. I would even get irritated when I was interrupted. I am getting better about that now, but after my grandmother died last year I had a nervous breakdown and I haven't really been the mother I have wanted to be since. So much time wasted. I want my kids to remember having a happy childhood, but when I am in that cycle, I can't break it and I worry they will remember me as being nuts. That worries me.
I think the important thing to do is go back and figure out what your trigger is -- what caused you to feel this way to begin with? Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes not. It takes a lot of soul searching. I have no doubt, though, you will get better -- we all will. It's just a matter of time, and really what we are willing to face. It is now time to be courageous . . and if you can't do that, laugh at yourself. We can't take things so darn seriously, but we do. Elizabeth Taylor once said, "Humor is the only way to survive," and I think there is a lot of truth to that. I am trying.
Anyway, I know I rambled here, but I just want you to know you aren't alone and you are experiencing classic anxiety symptoms. I think, like me, you are overwhelmed. Taking care of 3 little ones on your own is very tough (I am a SAHM) and I think that might be the route of some of your stress and even depression. I think you will be fine -- just be patient with yourself. You've also done the right thing by seeing your doctor, so be reassured there is nothing physically wrong. Just a lot on your plate. Please let me know how you are doing. I will be thinking of you. Hugs, Wiskers ~

[paullong]

Nice one wiskers! I think i was trying to say something similar but was never any good at writing novels! LOL....Keep laughing x

[leighann.p.]

hey there paul and wiskers, thankyou for your comments,

its deffo not the end of the world if my house work doesnt get done but i really hate the fact that my house is a mess and i have my 3 babies playing in it, sometimes i can get up and start but can never finish, other times i cant even drag myself out of bed,
i suppose it could be to do with depression, iv had the docs try to put me on pills many times but i always looked at it as a sign of defeat and never took them, i really belived i was a strong person and could get through all my probs on my own, but i think i have prooved myself wrong now, i deffo think i need some help, even if its somthing to help me relax and maybe get a good nights sleep, i will be seeing my doc tomorrow , so i will see what they can do to help me, fingers crossed :) leigh-ann x x x

[paullong]

You are a strong person just wobbling a bit at the moment! if you ever need to chat feel free to mail me ok...good luck at the docs:D

[leighann.p.]

hey there, i went to see my doctor this morning and he put me on CITALOPRAM, i have to take on 1 in the morning and have been told that once i start them i cant come off, i have to come off them gradually, he also gave me DIAZEPAM for emergencys, mainly because i am going on holiday next sat, and am not looking forward to the flying or being in another country, so i have got them to relax me if i have a panic attack or feel too anxcious, i took my first tablet this morning, and within 2 hours i was feeling sick, had a dry mouth and had the shakes, it says that the side effects should only last a couple of days which i am hopeing is true coz this feels horrible, :( fingers crossed this will help :) Leigh-Ann x

[jillbo]

Hi there
You will start to feel better I promise. I too am on Citalopram and have been for 2 years but at least in that 2 years I feel as though I got my old self back. It will take a few days / weeks to start working but it will and it is worth it. personally I try not to think about the time when I have to come off them, I will know when the time is right. You cannot buy inner peace and that is what these gave/give me. I am noy suggesting that these are a miracle cure, sure I'm having a return of my anxiety at the moment so I know exactly how you feel but this site has been a god send to me and it's just good to know that in the midst of what seems like the lonliest place in the world - i'm not alone. I will send you positive thoughts and keep you in my prayers, this will pass. Jill

[leighann.p.]

hi there jill, thankyou for replying to my thread,

i am feeling possitive that eventually the pills will do me some good, but at the mo they are making me feel low, i am hopeing the side effects pass soon because i am going on holiday saturday and the last thing i want is to be having them while trying to relax, but fingers crossed they will pass in time,

i am also hopeing that they will help my vision upset, i find that my vision is what makes me feel more anxcious, did u suffer from the vison problems or is this just me??

hope to hear from u soon,

leigh-ann x