Anger/temper

[Angelai]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place...

I have anxiety/panic attacks/phobia. Stopped taking antidepressants about 6 weeks ago.

The issue I'm really worried about right now is my temper. Something will 'set me off', and I get soooo angry. I am destructive, need to break things. Right now my laptop is missing 10 keys, my coffee table is knocked over, broken mug and candle holder on the floor. I just knelt on the floor and ripped every single page out of a book, the pages are all over the floor. I am so p*****d off at myself, can't believe I've wrecked my laptop :weep:

Why do I have to break things? Especially things that are important to me?

I know all about how I'm supposed to be able to control this rage by thinking about the consequences - but I already know about the consequences! I always ruin the things that matter. Why can't I smash up something that I don't want or care about?

I've always really cared about my things, to the point of being upset at school all day once after arriving to find I didn't have the umbrella I'd left the house with. An umbrella! I cried when I found it hanging on a fence on my way home! I care about my things because they are mine. Why why why do I do this to myself?

I feel my laptop is about to be permanently broken - it's taken AGES to write this because of stupid missing keys!

What is wrong with me?

[paullong]

Hi Angela
Just a question...Were you like this before the meds?

[Angelai]

I have been like it before, I think between taking meds. This came on again about 1-2 weeks after stopping sertraline (cold turkey - very very stupid, I know).

I think I need to accept that the meds have controlled it, even though I take them for anxiety/depression and not anger.

Thanks

[paullong]

Only asked as im on day 11 of cold turkey from citalopram and my temper is horrid not all the time but im having spells of it throughout the day. Indeed had to appologise to mum today for a masive rage at her yesterday which came from nowhere! Also have bad road rage which seems to come from impatience am seeing a pattern here!

[Angelai]

I'm so with you on the road rage... some days I think I really shouldn't be driving.

On Wednesday I was in my local shop, on the phone to mum to see if she needed anything. Some a*****e came in and got right in my face - why couldn't he just go the other way instead of trying to walk right through me? I stormed towards the counter, asking anyone who was listening if I was in the way, then got lairy with the lovely lady on the till when it transpired that that the '2 for £1.50' sign under the coke was actually for the lucozade. I heard, and felt, earlier a*****e tut behind me, so stomped over to the fridge telling everyone that I was just 'putting the sign in the RIGHT place'. OMG, I'm so shy and quiet usually! I know I shouldn't have got in the car after that...

I feel so angry at people and things. And at myself. I'm sick of people taking advantage of me, ignoring me, being selfish and inconsiderate. I've basically had enough of putting up with s**t. I think therein lies the answer - a childhood of being taken advantage of, and of not being heard.

Should we go to our docs about it do you think? I don't want to go straight back on the pills :weep:

[paullong]

If you go back to the docs whats he gonna do? Back on pills i imagine! I aint going there the side effects were doing me in! Im hoping all this will die down and is just my head readjusting after all there are other things still happening to me which i believe is to do with stopping....Keep in touch obviously not if youve been arrested! LOL

[Angelai]

Don't even...! Seriously, I am scared that I'll lose it completely soon - in the car, shopping, walking down the street?!

I don't want to go back on the pills either - I think we just need to be patient(!) and not be too hard on ourselves. Yes, keep in touch.

Thanks for your thoughts x