View Full Version : What shall I do???
chucklehound
24-09-05, 08:31
I am feeling really lonely right now, I have just found out that Kev (my hubby) is doing drugs again. He is a manic depressive, so doing drugs affects his mental state. I am so worried about how I can cope with this. He has promised that he is off them now but I have believed him so many times in the past 6 years that I just can't (for mine and the kids sake) believe that he is off them now. He tells me that he will keep away from drugs as long as he has me.
I feel that I am breaking inside and I cannot leave, although I believe that this is the only way forward.(I have no friends and family that will take me in with 2 kids, and I can't leave them with him). I feel that if I stay I will end up having a nervous breakdown.
I have told him time and time again that if he goes back to drugs that I will walk away from him, but each time I have stayed and helped him get off them. He tries to put the blame on me all the time saying that I drove him too them. He will never take responsability for his own actions and I cannot put up with this anymore. I wake up every morning so low and wanting to end my life because of this, so I know that leaving would be the best for my sanity and my children...
I have no feelings for him anymore, infact I am in love with aother man.
Kev knows that I am no longer in love with him but he does not know that I am in love with someone else. Is it time that the truth were known?
I hate him for what he has put me through sinse I was 17 years old, he gets abusive to myself and my kids and if I can't cope then how can I expect my kids to?
Sorry to go on like this...
Hope the rest of you are feeling well this morning.
Sorry your having ahard time right now.
Then best thing you can you do is look after your self and your kids. You are the only one that can decide how you will look after your self and your kids but I just want to say a fue words my self to hopfully help you feel better.
Focus on what make's you happy and never let anyone make your feel bad for trying to help them. Sometime by help our self we are helping the people around us as well. We cant fix other people problem as much as we want to so badly fix it for them. Put your effort in to making you self happy and the people around you will also benifit from this speicaly your kids. You have the right do what makes you happy. A happy mum is what yourt kids want and happy family is what you kids will want as well.
Take it easy and take a brack and refucus your thought in to something that will make you happy right now.
chucklehound
24-09-05, 08:55
HI Mum2four and thankyou for your support.
I try to do things to make myself happy but they rarely work. I get lots of happiness from my kids and the person that I am in love with.
I realise that I need to remove my kids from this situation and I am heading towards that. I am scared to make that leap though because I am agoraphobic and worry incase I can't get my 5 year old to school.
Thanks for reading, I hope that youo are well...
Take care for now
bye
xxxxxxxx
When I feel stress out bt people around me i will just do somthing with my kids like going for a walk or having a picnic in the back yard ect something to distract me a remind me of the good thing's in my life.
Hi Chuck,
You definately owe it to the kids and yourself to do what is right for you.
I hope someone will reply who can give you some proper practical steps of how you go about this, I'd only be guessing at it!!!
Also what about the other person could they help in any way.
So sorry not to be of more help here but my marriage break up although incredibly painful was less problematical because we could just stay in the house we lived in etc and I didn't have the drugs side of things to deal with.
Always here to listen though mate and my heart goes out to you.
Big hug
Piglet xx
Hi Chuck
So sorry to hear about all that.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Is it time that the truth were known?</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
If he is a manic depressive, on drugs, and been abusive towards you, I don't think it's a good idea to let him know just right now, for your own safety.
If your need to leave is urgent, is there no women's refuge that could help you out ? Let me know what you think.
Florence.
*He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more, He who loses faith, loses all.*
Hi
Just wanted to offer you some support at this hard time, you know where I am if you need to chat. You have a lot to deal with right now so it's no wonder you are feeling so low.
If you know you have to leave, then that's what you must do. It will be very tough (with the agorophobia) but I am sure there must be somehwere you can go. If your family and friends won't help there are hostels for times like this. It might not be the ideal solution but at least it would show him you mean business this time.
Try and think about you beautiful children when you feel like ending it. They need you. They don't have anyone else. I wish I could do more to help. Let us know how you're getting on.
Take care,
Tam x
chucklehound
24-09-05, 13:04
[8D]Thank you for offering me your support, it is going to be hard to do what I know is the right thing to do, but with the support of you guys it will be alot easier.
It makes a whole lot of difference knowing that there are people willing to offer their support when I need it most...
Thank you sooo much and I will let you know what happens.
Bye all
Take care
xxx[8D]
Hi Chuck,
Well you know what i think as we have discussed it, so I wont go all into that again lol. But remember you are worth far more than what you are getting out of life at the minute and so are your boys. And like I told you before you will be surprised at how strong you can be, when the need arises.
You know i am here for you Hun to help you in any way I can.
Take care and a big hug
Love
Trac xx
its "just a thought"
Hiya Chuck,
It must be so difficult for you to try and decide what is best for you, let alone trying to figure out what is best for the kids!
Unfortunately the only option is to leave, try and get out while you can. I know it sounds harsh, but you are not doing him any favours as he will never be able to sort himself out unless you shock him into it. I know that is really harsh and I know I should take into consideration his depression, but I have been in a relationship like that when I was 17 for quite a bit, drugs and abuse, thankfully, I don't have kids so it was just myself to think about, and it will be so hard at first to make a change but you have to do it.
As the others have said, the women's refuge places are so good, if you look in the yellow pages or somewhere like that, you may be able to find some advice from there.
The other thing you can try, is speak to your new man and see whether you can stay there for a short time while you try and get sorted.
Take care of yourseld and put you and your kids first before it destroys you even more.
Take care sweetie and feel free to pm me anytime.
Looby
xxxx
Hi Chucklehound
Sounds like you are in a really difficult situation right now . I agree with others who have posted here that you need to do whatever you need in order to keep yourself and your children safe.
It is a shame the isn't a family member or a friend you could turn to at this time. You might find the informaton on the Women's Aid (http://www.womensaid.org.uk/help/index.htm) website helpful.
Look after yourself and remember we are here for you.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Chuckle
How are you doing ? and what might you be thinking about doing now some time has passed?
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?
chucklehound
25-09-05, 09:20
Hi everyone again and thankyou so much for your words of support at this trying time...
Meg, I still NEED to get away from him because we just don't get on anymore. I have put up with this for 6 years and I believe that I deserve better than to be treated like a door mat. All I have ever done is stand by him through thick and thin and I just cannot do it any longer, for my and the children's sakes. It breaks mu heart knowing that time and time again he has taken the piss and thought that I would be there everytime he has gone back to drugs and ended up in hospital. He surely cannot expect me to keep doing this. I deserve a better life than I have got at the moment. I do really well, trying to overcome my agoraphobia and he holds me back...
Thankyou all again for your support, it is greatly appreciated...
Hope that you are all well.
Hey Chucks :D
Just adding my support for you, again like Trac you know what I think and I believe you know in your heart what you need to do! Now I know the hardest bit is doing it!
Yes you do have a lot of support here and you are so much stronger than you believe but you will be able to be strong and manage becasue like you say yourself you are doing amazingly well overcoming your fears and you are remaining fairly positive with a little help!
Take care mate and remember we are and will support you through this!
Sax xx[8D]
Hi chuck, I've never been in that type of situation but I think you should try and get into a women's refuge and get away from this man as he has to want to help himself, I know depression is hard and he is finding it difficult but he can't drag you down with him. you have stayed supportive for 6 years, it's time you thought about yourself and the children. Could a doc not put you in touch with someone who can sort out housing as this could be classed as domestic abuse (mentally). I hope things work out for both of you but I think you would be better apart, pm if you wanna chat
"You die if you worry and you die if you don't"
Hi Chuck
Tho my hubby doesn't do drugs he is a depressive and I know how hard it is for me to cope with that so this must be terrible. I agree that you need to get away from him and although it will be hard I think in the long run it will help with the pa's because he won't be adding any additional stress. I know you said you have no friends or family you can live with but are there people around who can help you walk the kids to school?
please pm me if you ever want to chat
chucklehound
26-09-05, 07:55
Hi everyone and thankyou for your continued support.
I am having a really hard time of it right now. I keep money in the house so that I can get to the shop every morning-to overcome my agoraphobia. When I got up this morning he had spent the money. He knows that I have to go to the shops daily and he just does not care. I just feel really depressed, like I have failed.
I just want my life back to normal.
It's going from bad to worse. He spent the whole day out yesterday smoking that ****, he shows no respect for those around him and I really want out now.
I'm sorry t hear that you are still stuggling to figure out how your going to deal with thing's.
Finding a good hinding place for the money you need for your self whold be a good start if you have to literaly keep it in your pocket's That what you should do. Having the knowlage that you have the momey you need will help ease at least a little of what you are going threw or at least not make it worse.
Do you have your own money or do you rely on your husband's income?
Dont think about you cant deal with right now think of what you can deal with and go from there make baby step's with thing's you can cope with. have you talked to your husband about what you need from him at the moment or about what you expect from him. At the very least right now you need to be concentrating on you and your kids and you can still that if you choose to stay with your husband for how ever long you choose to stay with him for. Take step's to keep enought money for what you know you and your kids need and to ensure thay dont have to deal with any negative behaviour or fight's ect.
You have the right to set you rule for your family and let your husband decide if he will partispate for now if he dose something negative take your kids and your self for a walk if wont leave or co-operate. If you have to take you and the kids out in to back yard and have fun together just to avoid putting them in a postion of seeing negative behaviour then thats what you should do. If you have to lock your self in a bath room and put the kids in a bubble bath to have fun just do anything that create's a postive environment for them and you and/or distraction from stress for a while.
I wouldn't really would be stressing about moving yet unless you feel the situation is real bad that you cant distract you self and/or focus on something positive.
One thing is for sure you cant fix your husband he has to do that him self and you sould make it clear to him that you can fix him and if he want to be a positive impact on his family then he needs to get help from an out side source.
I hope you feel better soon.
Hi hun I can totally relate to where you are coming from, as I have already said to you. Here is a post that I put up a while back concerning my man and the hard time I was going through. I just thought that reading that some one else has been their and reading the support I got might help.
so much for things getting better!!! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4319)
This topic is just about my stresses with having kids to a lazy git!
feeling a tad lonely :-( (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4641)
hope these help, be warned the last one is quite long! lol
Take Carexx
Claire
"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!"
chucklehound
27-09-05, 10:20
Thank you all so much for your continued support.
I try not to let him hold me back and so I go out daily.
I still manage to go to the shops and recently I have started going to
the post box, while I am on my mobile to my very good friend.
He is trying so very hard to stop me from going out, e.g
took the money to keep me from going to the shop, and now he has put
a lock on my mobile to keep me indoors. I was going to ask him to take
the phone to a shop to have it unlocked, until my 5 year old son told me
that if my hubby got hold of the phone he would smash it up. Again this
was so that he would have complete control over me. I just don't know
how much more of his SICK ways to keep me under his control.
chucklehound
27-09-05, 10:24
My typos are really toss. I meant to say:
I don't know how much more I can take of his SICK ways, and the
extreme that he will go to to keep me indoors. Soory everyone
Chris,
try to go to the shop to get the phone unlocked yourself, just to prove that you can do it, then that will be one less hold over you that he has, that will bugger up his ideas hun.
Have you got a personal stereo you could listen to while you go out, this helps to take your mind off of the thoughts that you are out.
Take care hun
Trac xx
its "just a thought"
Sue K with 5
28-09-05, 00:59
Hi ya hun!
I will not say to much for now, but I will MSN you tom for a chat, I know how this is making you feel but you know we are here for you and we will always be there to support and guide you in any direction you wish to take !
Take care and will speak tom
love sue with 5
scknight
Hiya Chris, just to say I may not be posting because to be quite honest I have never been in your situation or anything near, so I will not pretend i know how you feel, but I would like to say Im thinking of you........ every bit I read on here Im thinking of you, catch you on msn sometime, take care, and be strong love Alexis,xx
Alexis
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