Death Anxiety

[JonathanP]

Hello, I came here searching for a way to get over my death anxiety. I don't remember exactly when it started, but since at least this week, I've been constantly thinking about death, mortality, and fear of dying and my loved ones dying.

Ever since I started thinking about this, everything has felt so pointless, and I feel like it's killing me inside. I am 21 years old, and ever since thinking about mortality and death, I've felt like the past 21 years have flashed before my eyes in a very fast moment, and before I know it, my parents will be dead, and I won't be able to handle it, and then after that, before I know it, I'll be on my death bed. I haven't been in the mood to do anything because everything feels pointless.

Yesterday, I went out shopping, ate lunch, went to a bar, ate dinner, and watched two movies with my dad. I went to sleep feeling not quite terrible, but I could barely sleep and woke up feeling like yesterday went by faster than I could realize, and returned me back to the thought that my parents will be dead before I know it, and I'll die before I know it. I haven't been able to get over this. This morning, I played tennis with my dad, but my pain still didn't disappear.

I've tried to convince myself that death is out of my control, and it is pointless to worry about it, but it doesn't help me at all... it just makes me feel even more helpless. I feel like there is no point in doing anything if I'm just going to die before I know it.

I also tried to find peace of mind in religion (I'm Christian), but the idea of eternity and Heaven is incomprehendable by me, and it only makes me feel worse. The way Heaven was described to me was that the whole point of Heaven is to live immortally in a perfect body doing nothing but worshipping God, and that you're loved ones will no longer matter, because God is the only thing that matters. Also, trying to ease my mind using the idea of Heaven, it only makes me more depressed when trying to comprehend the idea of Heaven being perfect, yet this world seems so imperfect.

Even though I am Christian, and I believe when we die, we will go to Heaven if we accept the Lord as our savior, I can't help but wonder about what if my beliefs isn't what the true is. What if there is no afterlife and when you die, it's all over?

I feel very helpless and I want to start feeling better, but at the same time, I feel like if I feel better, then I will start taking life for granted, and life REALLY will flash before my eyes, and I'll have nothing but regret. I am already regretting wasting the past 21 years of my life, and regretting feeling like this. I feel like if I got over this, weeks would fly by before I know it, then months, then years, and finally my life. I feel terrible, I am in agony. I can't even sleep well.

Please help. I appreciate anything you can do to help me.

[Mudskipper]

Hi
Not sharing your specific faith, I'm not sure you'll want to hear from me but here goes anyway. For what it's worth, I felt pretty much the same at your age, dreading the thought of death be it my own or my loved ones. I still feel that way these days, contributing to much of my current anxiety and depression. The difference perhaps is that age in my case has produced a degree of acceptance. My own death now holds no fears for me whatever, except in that I hate the thought of leaving my kids without a father. I still hate the thought of losing any of my loved ones but I try to compensate by spending time with them whenever I can. Memories last a lifetime and can ease the pain. Whenever I miss my late grandmother, I just think of us both sat together watching something funny on TV and just thinking how much she enjoyed life and my company eases the pain of loss. You clearly spend a lot of time with your dad so I'd say you're on the right track. To deal with your specific fear of death I'd reccommend you speak to a doctor. There are therapies and medication which can help you through this.
As for the afterlife, if there is one, I'm inclined to think we'll exist in a much altered state to this one. More of the same would be not only pointless but downright unbearable for me anyway. If there's no afterlife, well there's really nothing to worry about. One night you'll go to sleep and you won't wake up. Do you remember going to sleep last night? Me neither. It happens without you knowing and you're at peace, at least until you wake up. With death you just won't wake up, nothing to be afraid of.

Hope this isn't too disturbing an idea for you, but it's pretty much the way I feel these days. Given time, I hope you find peace of your own.

Take care.:)

[kazzie]

Hi:)

I know where you are coming from as when I was younger I could never imagine how I would cope when my parents died, but when it happened I coped

One thing life has taught me is that we as a human race are a lot stronger than we believe in the face of major traumas

I work now as an undertaker and deal with deceased people and the people they have left behind and people do cope I promise you

You are only 21 and you are wasting your life worrying about something you really cant avoid......the one definate thing in life is death

I read a saying once

"y YESTERDAY IS HISTORY, TOMMOROW IS A MYSTERY, TODAY IS A GIFT THATS WHY WE CALL IT THE PRESENT"

Please dont waste your life worrying

I hope you find the peace you deserve

Kaz x:hugs:

[claire m]

I understand where you are coming from i remember being about 9 years old and i had made a 'pink ladies' jacket from an old worn out top i wrote and drew things on it with fabric paint and glued sequins onto it, i thought it was fab, but with in the same day i was filled with a fear that has still stuck with me today and that fear is death, i feared that i would die and could imagine my parents holding my 'pink jacket' as it was so wonderful. i immediatly destroyed the jacket.

Im 30 years old now and a mother of 2 boys and a big part of my anxieties i suffer with today are about death and what would happen if i die?

l dont know what else i can say because i could go on and on about my morbid thoughts, so all i can say is that you are not alone and i hope you can find some peace.

kazzie i like your saying.xx

[JonathanP]

I scheduled an appointment to see my primary healthcare provider and to see a psychiatrist, but that will not happen until Thursday (for the healthcare provider) and a week from Thursday (for the psychiatrist). I feel like I'll never be able to get over this, and I feel terrible. I've tried exercising, but it doesn't make the pain go away, it just temporarily makes it feel less heavy. I am exhausted, and as I sit here at work, I don't feel like doing anything. My limbs are numb, my chest hurts, and I've lost my appetite. I'm not scared of dying from these symptoms, it's just the realization that everyone will die eventually, and the fear that my life will be over before I know it, and the fear of dying itself that is really bothering me. I don't want to lose my parents or my loved ones, and I feel terrible knowing that it will eventually happen, and there's nothing I can do about it. I wake up with less than 4-6 hours of sleep thinking that it will happen before I know it, and can't go back to sleep because I feel like if I sleep then time will just slip even faster. I've found myself crying every day this week because of it. I want to get over this feeling, I want to feel normal, I want to enjoy life, instead of just feeling misery; but I feel that if I enjoy life, it will be gone before I know it. I am at a dilemma, and my mind cannot settle down. I sort of feel like I should die so that I don't have to feel it anymore, but then I fear I will go to Hell and thinking about that makes me fear that my loved ones might end up in Hell, and even if they don't, I fear I will not see them in Heaven.

[Blot]

Hi there Jonathan,

I can relate to your feelings of fear,remember that it is the anxiety casuing you to feel as though nothing is worthwhile. As a christian,I have the same belief system as you do.Hang in there!

[wiskersonkittens]

I have the same fears as you do. My grandmother -- who raised me, so really she was the only mother I knew -- died last year, and it was the toughest thing I have ever been through. But, you know, I am still here. Her death has made me more compassionate, and I want to help others someday who go through such difficult times. Just make sure you have a good support system -- I didn't and I think that made the blow even harder and harder to deal with. However, hopefully that won't be a bridge you will have to cross for a very long time.
In regard to your own death, again, another bridge I am sure you won't have to cross for a very long time, what is it exactly that frightens you so much about it? I am more of a spirtual person than religious (in other words I do believe in God and Heaven, but I am not tied to a certain denomination per se at this point). I believe things that some may not and thus I do believe there is more to us than what we know. I don't believe in coinicidence, and I believe in the paranormal based on my own experiences. But, I don't want to offend anyone so I won't go any further than that. Oddly, one thing that has helped me is reading James Van Praagh's books. Yes, it does give a different angle to death, one that you may not believe, but I found it so reassuring and hoping in the possibilities of what lies beyond for us. I will be glad to talk to you more about this and my own experiences if you'd like -- you can PM me if you are interested.
One thing that actually helped me a long time ago come to grips with my anxiety about death is I was watching this movie and a someone said, "When it happens I am not going to know it." That was comforting to me at the time, and if you think about it, it is true. But, we do still fight it, we still want to make sure we are ok so we can prolong the inevitable. I think that's also the scary thing -- it is inevitable. This is the one thing that is out of our control and for anxiety sufferers, that is terrifying. I mean, Ben Franklin said basically that the guarantees in life are death and taxes. Well, we can evade taxes (and be imprisoned for it, but still, we can do it for a little while), but death we can't. I know so many people say why worry about it? Live your life, and when the time comes . . . well, it isn't that easy for us. Somehow this has been engrained in us to fear. I wonder if it is because we anxiety sufferers are intelligent, imaginative, more sensitive to things . . it makes us think way too much. Sometimes it is a gift, but then like with this, it is a curse. My problem stems from paying too much attention to my enviornment and I take things as signs, or I worry thoughts and images are premonitions. That's how I drive myself bonkers. Maybe someone can help you figure out where this comes from (obviously you have experienced this fear recently so maybe you can recall what triggered it?) and help you through it. Please let me know how you are doing. Hugs, Wiskers ~

[JonathanP]

I don't really know what triggered it. I feel like it may just be from stress building up over time. My mother left town about a month ago and I have not seen her since. Also, my brother tends to spend a lot of time away from home. I started reading a site that talked about Heaven, God, and Jesus, and it made me feel a little better, but then I had to head home from work, and by the time I got home I wasn't feeling quite as better as I did beforehand.

[leighann.p.]

hi there,

i also have a fear of dieing which has got stronger since my anxiety and panic attacks started, i feel as tho the last 25 years of my life have happend so fast that the rest of my life will too, the thing that dont help me is that i dont have any beliefs, i wish i did because i think it would make the thought of dieing easier but no matter how hard iv tried to believe in heaven or life after death i just cant, and so the thought scares me even more, i am terrified that it will all just be over, no more thoughts or feelings and ill be leaving my 3 lil girls without a mum, it gets so bad somtimes that im too scared to go asleep just incase i dont wake up, even now while writing this its scaring me,

i also would love to be able to enjoy life and feel relaxed, and its now i wish i had appreciated feeling normal and happy,
im just hanging on to what little hope i have left that one day i will feel normal and happy again,

i hope this doesnt upset you or make u feel more frightned, but i just wanted you to know that you are not alone, all we can do is take each day as it comes and hope that we will soon feel better,

keep your chin up

leigh-ann x