View Full Version : My Dilemma
Hi There! Don't know if anyone can help with this, but here goes......
On Thursday, 15th Jan (next Thursday) I am going to hospital for what they call a Large Loop Excision - because of a mild abnormal smear test result. This should have been performed under general aneasthetic but I asked for the alternative local - which was agreed to. Whilst having the usual routine tests, I was also found to have developed type 2 diabetes.
Now, over the Christmas period, like loads of people that I have read about in this and other forums, I had a bad time with anxiety. My first time in a long time. It has left me thinking I'll never get right again, although I know I will. Because of it I cancelled my December appointment at the hospital - I was feeling terrified at the thought and felt too 'sensitive' to go for the non too pleasant treatment. I thought I would feel more improved by now and able to cope, but as the time draws near and I think about it - I feel that I am getting worse and beginning to feel terrified at the prospect once more.
I am told that the abnormality of cells is not at all cause for concern - just something they would like to sort out in case it develops further. To me, it sounds like pulling teeth out unless they go bad!
Do I cancel this next visit and wait until I am more settled (which I know I will be) and go through the procedure when I feel more well or - do I face it, terrified? Anyone any insights please?
Also - dare I go on? :) - Diabetes is hereditory in my family - unfortately, I had 2 brothers die with heart attacks as a result of it at the ages of 56 and 58 (I'm 52). I feel that I have a healthier life-style than they did and the prognosis is much better for me, but I need to get more exercise now, particularly now that I have this. One of my anxiety problems is related to my heart - even though I have assurance that it is OK - and I also suffer the general symptoms of panic. I feel too afraid to exercise at times - even walking the dog.
I sound really miserable and sad, don't I? I am a really positive person really who feels that I have not been able to say this to anyone before - so thank you for reading - it helps very much. xxx
Red [:X]
hi red.
i think you should go for this appointment just to lay your mind at rest. its better to get it over with and the longer you leave it the worse you WILL get even if you do think that you'll be calmer next time. go for it. you will be happy you did. trust me, im your friend.
keep posting rachel xx
Hi Red,
Lets get the analagy right.
Its like teeth that already have tartar and a very tiny cavity - if left unattended it will get bigger and more troublesome.
It makes total sense that your anxiety is worse as a result of this real stressor as well as Christmas. The longer you put it off, the longer before you know the outcome is really fine and can rest easy. So I would recommend that you go to the appt next week.
As with your diabetes - control it as well as you possibly can , keep your results within normal ranges . Look after your weight, feet, eyes, blood pressure and heart as much as possible and you've done your best. Do not be afraid of exercise- every step you take is bringing you closer to good health. If you're afraid to walk alone, find another dog owner and get company until you gain your confidence back or go to a gym where you're under the watchful eye of a trained instructor...
Most of all, do not avoid anything - it makes it much worse later .
All the best . keep in touch
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thank you both, very much.
I know it makes total sense to go and get it over with - (and I will, definately now). Just having your comments and knowing that you will know how I will feel, yet still urging me on, is a great comfort - makes me feel stronger.
As for the diabetes - apart from the exercise bit, I feel in control with it and everything is in normal ranges most of the time. I have lost 2½ stone already from last May and have another 3 to go. Exercise? - I will bite the bullet and get on with that too, in fact I'm going to the gym later today to start again. Thank God for this help.
Red
xxx
Really fantastically well done on the weight loss... Tips please . My neigbour is NIDDM and not in brilliant control because of her weight but she's a wedding caterer !
I can get her to do everything else but as to the weight loss... I dragged her for a couple mile walk yesterday but it was a struggle followed by pleas for a hot choc !!
What time do you go in on Thursday and I'll think of you ..
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hiya red,
I agree with the other guys. Please go through with it (I think you have already decided you will!!)
Let us know how you get on
lucky
Hello red
Thought i would reply to you as i am having simpular treatment to you. For the last 2 years my smear tests have been coming back with pre-cancer changes and so from January 2003 i have been having to go to the hospital to the Colposcopy department, and have regular check ups every 6 months. I cannot tell you how much stress this has caused me, as i suffer from going away from the home and also in situations that i know i have to stay somewhere. I got myself into a right state and my everyday life was spoiled as i just did not think i could go through with it. In the end my councellor wrote a letter for me to hand to the doctors and also my doctor gave me diazapan to try and calm me down, i did take but cut in half as so hate to take tabs but without i would not of got there. Well i did it and since then i have been again in July and i also have another appointment on the 14th of January, which again i'm not to sure about but only because my partner has a new job and is not sure if he can get the time of to take me. So i think i will cancel that appointment and go in 2 weeks when he thinks he should be able to get the time of work, i have been telling him to ask for that morning of but car'nt you guess he still has not asked. I could go on my own but it the getting there and back that is bothering me, need to know that i have a means of getting home. Anyway was just wondering if you should be very anxious perhaps you could ask your doctor for something to calm you, i was only give 3 tabs and never needed them the last time. Hope all goes well and will be thinking of you as i understand what you are going through.
take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Go and get it done. I've had two lots of cryo surgery, and the anticipation and worry about what might happen far out weighed the anxiety of actually being in hospital (there is a funny experience story there, but I'll tell it when you've been!)
Sometimes things just keep hitting us in the face, and you think that nothing will ever settle down again. Honestly, they will eventually. You cannot do anything about your diabeties, apart from control through medication, diet and exercise, but you can cure your cell problem with this procedure.
Good luck for Thursday, we are all rooting for you!
Charlie
Thank you again - all of you! I feel absultely wonderful compared to yesterday.
Today I went to the gym as vowed. What an ordeal it was getting up the 'courage' to do it. But, I heard words of wisdom echoing from you lot - 'don't avoid it' 'just do it' 'or it will get worse' 'go to the gym - there are professionals there to watch out for you' etc. What a comfort these were, I would not have attempted this if it wasn't for your comments. xxx I even took the dog for a walk 2 hours later - on my own!!!!! This is going to stay, I know it - and Thursday at 10:30 am will be a relative breeze to what I used to think! (But still think of me, won't you?)
Pauline - I wish I lived near to you - I would come with you! In fact I don't know where you live! Are you in Cheshire by any chance? I have had 5 colposcopies up to now - but this is the big treatment on on Thursday - thank you for your kind words and good luck with yours - well done for going on the previous ones!!!
I'll let you know how I get on. Take care.
Red
xxx
Radar - the 'diet' thing. I just decided it was time to lose weight! I started to eat healthily in May of last year rather than diet - I think my body knew it was time to that and it proved to have a great sense of timing with the diabetes being diagosed in November! I think like with everything - you have to want to do it yourself, I was the same with smoking which I gave up in 1987 after smoking since I was 15 (21 years). I now find that the 'cheating' that is mentioned at diet clubs sometimes is refering to the dieter cheating themselves. Horrible word isn't it?
Great stuff and many thanks again for the support anything I can do for anyone let me know.
Red
xxx
Thanks Red , That the key issue with my neighbour. She doesn't want to enough !#
Fantastic news regarding the gym and then the walk !!
We're all here to send positive vibes to you on Thursday morning. I'll be in Liverpool so will waft out the vibes as I pass on the M6.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Some good news from me - for a change!!
Since I posted my original message and got your wonderful words of wisdom and encouragement I have:
Visited the gym 3 times and done at least 20 mins moderate exercise each time and some weights - felt awful doing it as I did today but used my newly learned JFDI!!! (It works!)
Been to visit the diabetic dietician today and my blood test results are brilliant compared with the last reading in November, so I can still stay on my low dose tablets - in fact, if I carry on I can probably stop taking that too, she said!
Still anxious about my 'surgery' on Thursday morning but am not doubting that I will go now - I definately will - with a big JFDI!!! I am learning that most people - sufferers or not would be very anxious too, and that helps me to cope. Didn't want to feel silly and for people to think I was a big baby.
Can't tell you how much you lot have helped - that makes me want to cry like a baby - but because I feel so grateful and happy!
Red
xxx
Hi Red,
Good for you. Fantastic news . It's so great to read about a NIDDM who actually improves by self help.
It's almost enough to get you on breakfast telly on Diabetes UK day !
Do have a good cry, it uses up stress hormones whatever the tears are for !
Everyone would be worried about going to have what you are on Thursday, it's complely normal to be anxious. It's just the degree and effects of the anxiety that changes. Certainly not silly at all.
I'll wave as I whizz by - which Hosp will you be going to ?
Keep up all your such good work.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thanks Meg - I'll be attending Warrington General at 10:30.
Is there really a diabetes UK day? or are you having me on?? lol! I'm very encouraged by my results up to now - and I'll keep them up!
Take care - have a safe journey to the 'pool! I'll let you know how I go on.
Red
xx
Hi Red
Well its 12:46 now and hopefully its all done and dusted. How are you? I live in Birmingham so a little to far for you but thanks for the kind thought. I cancelled my appointment do not go now till the 25th of February. Let us know how you got on. I might end up having to have what you are having. Are you on MSN messager let me know if you are we could chat.
Take care
pauline
pjpriest
Well Red, the wave went out at the Warrigton turn off from the M6 a bit earlier than you were going to be there ..
Yes absolutely serious. www.diabetes.org.uk only it's not just a day but in 2003 it was a week in June. The magazine Balance is great.
I'm big into general health care promotion in case you hadn't noticed before.
They're pushing the Paris marathon at present but I'm sure the dates will be on there somewhere.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
:D:D:D:D:D
Yabadabbadoooooo!!!!!
I did it!!!!! -[8D]- or what?
The techniques I have been using really, really worked. Some from you guys, some from booklets from No Panic, some self inflicted NLP (I'm a qualified practitioner of NLP) and Time Line Therapy (ditto) - and guess what? The consultant must have been more anxious than me!!!!! It worked like a dream - thank you all SO MUCH xxx you were brilliant!!!! I know I helped myself but - what a boost you all have been - encouragement has been brilliant.
I seriously couldn't believe it - having injections in my cervix to numb it, fully awake and chatting like I was having a massage!!! WOW - mind blowing or what?
The biggest ever, ever lesson I have larned from this is to trust in your self help method, especially with the thought processes - bl***y fantastic.
Radar - I caught your wave! Pauline and Radar - how briliant that you followed up with your best wishes - it was as though you were there. I thought about the two of you actually, even though I don't kow what you look like - while I was there, and the JFDI - not a tremor in sight!
If anyone is interested in what methods I used - let me know - exceptionally glad to help!
God bless you all!
Red
xxx
Hey Red,
A mighty well done to you ..
I've done NLP both with panic and with work. I think you have to be 'well' enough to buy into it so to something to use when you're over the very acute phase.
Nic's busying herself, whilst in Bristol, updating the site next week so if you could get the methods to her for Sunday am, we could have a topline NLP section .
What is is , a couple of basic exercises and the umbrella organization - not just Paul McKennas sidekick ! and so forth , just as a taster and pointer so people can assess whether they think it is something they might like to try, with a practicioner preferably , if you're not familiar with it at all.
Good for you for yesterday again.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Red
Well thats brillant that you were fine and that you coped so well.
If you do not mind what is it that is done? and how long does it take? did you go with your husband?
I have never heard of NLP or what ever it is you mentioned have forgot already thats my memory for ya. What happens now?
Take care
Pauline
pjpriest
Hi Red
So glad you went on ok. I would be interested in finding out how NLP helped you. Maybe you could e-mail me a brief synopsis.
Hope you're feeling a bit better now!
Charlie
Hi!
Meg - Could you explain a little more on what you would like me to do and how, please? I will gladly be of help in any way that I can.
Pauline - NLP is Neuro Linguistic Programming - the description means nothing really!!! Just a fancy name. However, the techniques used within it can certainly help people like us - but as Meg says, you would maybe need to be at a certain level of recovery for it to work as it should. If I understaood Meg right, we could be doing something on it anyway, so I'll hang fire with the detailed explanation for a minute if you don't mind? It really is powerful stuff though, as are all the self-help techniques mentioned.
Hi Lottie - thank you for your support. NLP has a great number of methodologies and techniques which could help anyone in our position. I am a NLP practitioner and will be doing my Master Practitioner course / certification this year because I am totally blown away with it. I have never used it on myself in this way before and I can't believe that I had something right there under my nose that could help and didn't. Mind you it is a bit like not being able to see the wood for the trees when you are in a full blown anxiety state. I'll be led by Meg and Nic on this one and see what they recommend.
Meanwhile - take care everyone and if I can help - let me know.
Red
xxx
Now the good news!!!
I have been to the hospital for my 6 week check up (it was 8 weeks really!) and have got the all clear for now - another colposcopy and smear in 6 months and could be discharged.
The lab found no evidence of cancerous or pre-cancerous cells - PHEW!!!
I've just been reading my first postings on this topic - boy is that me?
Thaks everyone - you were brilliant!
Red
x
Red,
That is brilliant news :D,
Nikkix
xxx
Turn 'what ifs' into 'I can' and you will.
So pleased to hear your goods news Red (and that you are feeling better)
Charlie
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Hurrah Red. Great news
Meg
nomorepanic
12-03-04, 21:37
Red - I just read your first post too and thought that isn't the Red I know.
Shows how much you have progressed doesn't it?
Well done you
xxx
Nicola
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