I am over-reacting?

[Constantine]

Hello to everyone,

I don't know how I have ended up feeling so concerned about what I have been experiencing recently. I have to admit that it has scared me so much.

I have always been a bit of a worrier having suffered from IBS in my early teens. I can identify when my psyche is affecting my physical being and I even recognise why I am feeling so "wrong". I can pinpoint what has triggered the insomnia, the anxiousness and the feeling of constant what ifs.... but I don't know how to deal with it all.

I wake up often in the small hours for no apparent reason. If I cannot sleep I go downstairs leaving my fiance in bed so as not to disturb him. Once downstairs I try reading or watching tv to distract myself with no luck. I drink herbal tea, I exhaust myself at the gym regulary... I eat well and right, I drink decaf tea / coffee etc etc etc... but whatever I do I panic about the what ifs.... last night I understood why people self harmed I could appreciate the sense of relief (totally aware that it would not be conducive to getting better) that it might bring and this terrified me further into what am I becoming?

I suppose it doesn't help that a friend has fallen out with me and my root fear is that this will happen again -I fear that I will disappoint people unintentionally and lose all my friends... thus being alone.

Sorry to ramble on and I am probably on the wrong board but until I get to see my doctor I didn't really know what to do. Thank you CB

[mum2four]

I understand the fear of loosing your friend's compleatly for me it took loosing my best friend of 17 year's to realise that i didn't need frinds to be happy and that if i was ever to fully be happy and anxiety free i had to find a way to get happy to live with my self and then if people want to be my friend then that was there choice not mine. Of course i love having friend's but I want friend's that will like me for me and to be alway's worring that i might upset them and trying to please them would do little to achive the relationship that I beleive friend's should have and that i once had with my best friend. 3 year's on and my best friend and I are on speacking terms again and both of us have grown and leart and kinda reach the same conclusion but we had to take different path's in or to achive true happiness. We both have a long way to go with our different anxiety issues and our personal life as well as getting our friendship on track again. It is quiet interesting for me to look back and realise how much of inpack that whole situation had on my life not long after loosing my last and best friend after suffering depression twice an dealing with anxiety since I can remember i also had to deal with the loss of my nana who I had stronger connection with than my own mother. It just hit me that maybe my life had alway been leading up to that point cuase i know for 100% certain that had I not had to deal with the bump's in the road that i dealt with i would not have pulled threw that time in my life. Any way i rambled on peoberly got off the topic too much but the point i was trying to make is that some time's over coming the smallest fear can have the gratest impact on you more that you can ever imagin.

I just found the friend comment interesting the way you put it last and i think that maybe working on that part of your fear/anxiety might have a bigger impact than it sound's like you give it criedit for.

Good luck and i hope you feel better soon.

[Constantine]

thank you for your post
yes I so know that this has been triggered by the whole situation with my friend
I know that I am not alone and I know that this board will actually probably help me more than I have yet to realise but none of this rational thought process seems to occur in the small hours
hey ho

[mum2four]

I will often make up poster's and put the around my house with positive thing to remember when i'm finding something prety hard to deal with and remember. I try to put ot in place i know I will see at the time's I will need it the most it just help support my effort's to change my thinking.

[clickaway]

Hi Constantine and welcome to the site.

So have you got an appointment with the doc lined up?

Hopefully, you will find not only support and advice here, but some friends too.

Don't forget we have a chatroom.

Take Care

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[Karen]

Hi Constantine

Welcome to the forum. Sounds like you have already been making good efforts with this yourself and can recognise that the 'what ifs' and how you interpret your thoughts leads to anxiety and panic.

No doubt the situation with your friend is not helping at the moment.

The thought about self-harming is just a thought and it doesn't mean you are going to start acting on it. I do have a problem with self-harm and whilst it might help to give a temporary release when I am experiencing distress, in the end it makes the situation worse because of the shame and guilt I feel afterwards.

You already know you do not want to go down that route and you can ignore the thought as just another obsessional thought that we all get.

Have you had any treatment so far?


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Constantine]

Thanks for all your posts and kind welcome.

I have not had any treatment as yet. I was on Citalopram about 20 months ago but was eased off them as both the Doctor and I felt I was ready. I use Bach remedies when feeling panicky but have none at the moment.

I just hope that I find the serenity and wisdom soon to sort my head out! Sometimes just knowing that you are not alone is enough to give the strength to deal with the emotions.

The thoughts of self-harming are new to me and I don't think I would do it although I have pinched myself hard hard hard on my inner upper arm to distract in the past but not serious self harm.

Thank you again for your messages. I am lucky to have a wonderful partner who is keen to help in anyway possible so I should not really be so worried!!!!

CB x

[Constantine]

I meant to say that I am seeing my Doctor on Wednesday morning and hope that he will be able to point me in the right direction...

The situation with my friend is definately not helping and is not something I can change. She has the problem which is being perpetuated by her own demons and I am not able to help her with this. It is very sad.

I know I have a very deep rooted issue about being left or not being liked this is something I need to accept and deal with and probably does not help with the current situation with my friend.

x

[Karen]

Hi Constantine

I'm glad you have a very supportive partner and am sure this will help you as you work through this.

I too have issues with being left and abandoned so I can understand why the situation with your friend is upsetting you so much. However, you know you have done what you can and even though it is sad there isn't anything more you can do. You need to look after yourself and do what you can to help yourself on the road to recovery.

Good luck with the appointment with your doctor on Wednesday. Let us know how you get on.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[Meg]

Constantine,

Well done for being able to identify what triggered it all off.

**but whatever I do I panic about the what ifs.... **

This is the key Constantine . Keep rational and sensible and not extreme in your thinking

Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Still suffering this damn "suggestive" thing.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4288)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
odd thoughts... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5201)
Strange thoughts....Anyone else? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5294)

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/lounge /topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3799
Have you ever achieved freedom from your thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3184)
'what if this is it this time thoughts' (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4694)
Mind racing? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3774)
The Battle that Rages in my Head (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4149)



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?