View Full Version : feel really down today
Today I just need to tell someone that I feel really down and so worried about hiv still.
I am finding more and more signs of it everyday and all the stuffthat I have read before is swirlling round in my head all the time and i just cant stand it.
Today I cant stop thinking about my thyroid becuase it seems like half of the month i have symptoms of an overactive thyroid and my stupid brain is now coming to the conclusion that I have to much steroid hormones like cortisol in my body because of hiv and its causing my adrenal glands to shut down make my thyroid become overactive to compensate!?!?!?!? And the scarey thing is I read that this is possible.
If it werent for the strange lump cycst thing in my cheek and swollen lymph nodes i think i would beleive that it is something else that is up and the five negative tests are right. But as I cant explain the cheek and the other stuff all happening for any other reason I feel like im living wit hiv and noone to help me or my daughter. I am so worried now that its going to be too late for me to get treatment.
Do you i need to find the courage to go and ask for more tests?
also i read a leaflet by the sexual health assoctation and it said that ' no tests are 100% accurate but hiv tests should pick up almost all infections if taken at the right time.' Does that mean that the tests pickup almost but not all because the tests are 99.9% effective (which is true)and not 100% or does it mean that they only pick up all most all beucase of different strains!?!?
Just need to hear from someone, feel very isolated and very very scared again today
Thanks
Lisa
xxx
Lisa,
Maths question: if the tests have 99.9% chance of picking up the virus, and you have taken five tests, what is the probability that they have not picked it up and yet it is there?
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::flowers:
Stressed32
28-07-09, 12:31
Lisa, you are fine...your symptoms are from stress. Stress causes cortisol and over time cortisol breaks down your adrenal glands. what is more likely...hidden HIV causing after 5 tests or symptoms from not hidden and very prominant anxiety?
Also, I read on an HIV forum...from people with HIV that lymph nodes are not always a sign of HIV! There were people there who had never had a swollen node...ever!
tiredOfOcd
28-07-09, 12:49
5 negative tests. You do not have HIV.
Cysts are common. They can be caused by (among many things) injuries to the skin, blocked hair follicles and clogged sweat glands.
If a cyst gets infected, it stimulates the lymph nodes around it to fight the infection.
Even if the cyst doesn't get infected, and just causes inflammation, that can stimulate the lymph nodes as well.
Once stimulated, it can take a while for lymph nodes to return to their normal size. Soemtimes, lymph nodes remain enlarged for no reason at all. Touching them can also cause them to permanently enlarge.
Also, if you are thin, you'll be able to feel lymph nodes all over the place.
At any rate - DON'T TOUCH
You know what I am at the end of this. Cant do this anymore. I just need to accept that I have it and I have wreckd my own life and my daughters and partners.
The way I see it if i have to die first from hiv to make people see that she and he have it too then i suppose its not as bad as them dying becuase they dont get treatment. I think that the worst thing is that i could go and get proper testing and then treatment but i dont even have the courage to face up to it , and losing everything that i have . It like the courage that i had the five times is no longer there and i cant seem to get it back to push further with this. Just a few months ago I went back to the GUM clinic and told them i really think that there is a problem with my tests results and she said ' i really dont think so but if there was t you would just be treated'. I asked what about my daughter and partner and she said if there is a concern for them they would be treated too. So how do i find out if there is a concern?
this is awfull, i feel like such an utter loon
What scares me is that children as supposed to get sicker much quicker and i feel that i am allowing this to happen to my baby becuase i dont have the courage to go back to the dr and force them to do more suitable tests for the stupid subtype or strain that i obviously have.
Lisa
xxxxx
Hi Lisa
Hope you don't mind me asking but have you had a thyroid test?
Hi Lisa
Hope you don't mind me asking but have you had a thyroid test?
Doorbell, yes i have had it tested quite a few times since 2003 when all my weird stresslike stuff started and its only ever been once slightly high, well they said borderline. I also had it tested when i was pregnant a few times too and they never commented on it being strange. Does that mean its alright all the time? I thought maybe they were catching it at the wrong time of the month but i guess during pregnancy there are loads of steroid hormones in your body and if this was happening it would have showed then?
But then what if they allow a bigger margin for normal results when you are preganant?
Lisa
xxx
Hi Lisa
I was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid which came as quite a surprise to me! I thought my anxiety had a lot to so with going through the menopause but apparently this is not necessarily the case. I honestly believe that after all the tests you have had it would have been picked up by now. I go regularly for blood tests to check with it has levelled out at different times of the month and does not seem to make any difference to test results. I hope this helps.
Doorbell
Hi Lisa
I was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid which came as quite a surprise to me! I thought my anxiety had a lot to so with going through the menopause but apparently this is not necessarily the case. I honestly believe that after all the tests you have had it would have been picked up by now. I go regularly for blood tests to check with it has levelled out at different times of the month and does not seem to make any difference to test results. I hope this helps.
Doorbell
Thanks doorbell
Lisa
xxx
Lisa
what would be proper testing?
Have your partenr and daughter been tested too?
Amu
Yeah what other tests can we have Hun??
nomorepanic
28-07-09, 14:51
Lisa
You really do need to get some counselling for this as it is consuming your life.
Why not go down that route rather than all this excessive and compulsive worrying?
You don't have HIV but unless you accept that then you are not living life to the full and surely you want to do that?
I read that there is a specialist testing unit that uses different tests called proviral dna testing that looks for the virus itself instead of the antibodies.
Amu, my partner hasnt been tested cos he thinks im mental and i havent had my daughter tested because the psychologist i am see says its not needed. He reckons it wil make matter worse and true enough, if its also negative i will think that there is a problem with it. I also said to one of the gps at my practise and he said... we are not going down that route, there will be no more tests. I phoned the GUM clinic again more recently and asked for the proviral dna testing and they said it isnt nesessary, but then i didnt fully explain my symptoms to them.
Lisa
xxx
Lisa
You really do need to get some counselling for this as it is consuming your life.
Why not go down that route rather than all this excessive and compulsive worrying?
You don't have HIV but unless you accept that then you are not living life to the full and surely you want to do that?
Thank you Nicola. It is totally consuming me right now, i was doing okay for about two weeks but this week its so bad again.
I almost beleived i was okay a few weeks ago and now i feel that i have it almost 100%.
I am see a psychologist but i just dont beleive him at the moment and i dont see him this week and i think thats making me feel more depserate. Also I started a new pill three days ago to try and control my cycle anxiety and i wonder if that is whats making me feel so helish
Lisa
xxx
tiredOfOcd
28-07-09, 15:56
Thank you Nicola. It is totally consuming me right now, i was doing okay for about two weeks but this week its so bad again.
I almost beleived i was okay a few weeks ago and now i feel that i have it almost 100%.
Another test is not going to make a difference. You'll feel ok for a while but the doubt will come back and at some point you'll wind up right back where you are now. You don't need another test.
You need to calm yourself down by any healthy means possible. You need to stop telling yourself you've caused your loved ones to get infected. Then you need to come up with ways to shut down your HIV worries before they get to the all consuming point.
You need to fight this. Hard. Because if you don't its going to eat you alive.
I know. I've been thru HIV HA before.
I am see a psychologist but i just dont beleive him at the moment and i dont see him this week and i think thats making me feel more depserate.
This is a hell of alot more serious, IMNSHO. Have you discussed with him why you don't trust him?
Also I started a new pill three days ago to try and control my cycle anxiety and i wonder if that is whats making me feel so helish
What kind of pill? Anti anxiety or birth control?
Another test is not going to make a difference. You'll feel ok for a while but the doubt will come back and at some point you'll wind up right back where you are now. You don't need another test.
You need to calm yourself down by any healthy means possible. You need to stop telling yourself you've caused your loved ones to get infected. Then you need to come up with ways to shut down your HIV worries before they get to the all consuming point.
You need to fight this. Hard. Because if you don't its going to eat you alive.
I know. I've been thru HIV HA before.
This is a hell of alot more serious, IMNSHO. Have you discussed with him why you don't trust him?
What kind of pill? Anti anxiety or birth control?
Its a birth control Pill
Lisa
xxx
tiredOfOcd
28-07-09, 16:17
Have you told the dr who perscribed the new medication about any other medication you are taking?
I know birth control pills fool with the levels of hormones in the body. I believe those hormones can cause emotion reactions (be kind, I'm a guy talking about women's hormonal changes; i KNOW i'm on a slippery slope)
Could THAT have something to do with your increased anxiety?
Have you told the dr who perscribed the new medication about any other medication you are taking?
I know birth control pills fool with the levels of hormones in the body. I believe those hormones can cause emotion reactions (be kind, I'm a guy talking about women's hormonal changes; i KNOW i'm on a slippery slope)
Could THAT have something to do with your increased anxiety?
It could be but I just write that off thinking its only happening becuase I have too much steroid hormones in my blood because of hiv. Im thinking about stopping the pills, i have only taken four days and my mood is very very black but to be honest i havent much helped it today with my thoughts. But then I just cant switch them off. My normal hormone swings are pretty spectacular anyway and right now i dont know if i cant see the wood for the trees or if i need tot stop the pills right now.
Lisa
xxx
tiredOfOcd
28-07-09, 16:43
It could be but I just write that off thinking its only happening becuase I have too much steroid hormones in my blood because of hiv.
You've had 5 negative tests. Can you try repeating that to yourself everytime you start worrying? Yes, I realize you'll spend much of the day with "I've had 5 negative tests. I'm fine." running thru your head all day, but that's got to be better than what's running thru your head now.
Im thinking about stopping the pills, i have only taken four days and my mood is very very black but to be honest i havent much helped it today with my thoughts.
I'd talk this over with a dr first. Tell them EXACTLY the reaction you are having and get their advice.
But then I just cant switch them off.
No, but you can control how you react to them. But you can't begin to do that work until you get thru this current episode.
My normal hormone swings are pretty spectacular anyway and right now i dont know if i cant see the wood for the trees or if i need tot stop the pills right now.
And that's why I'm urging you to talk to a dr. Tell them EXACTLY what you've told us today and come up with a plan.
tiredofocd
Thank you so much for your advice and your patience today, I am going to try and calm down my anxiety as you say and then hopefully stop reacting to the thoughts so much and then try and get the courage to go to the drs about the feelings i have been having with the pills
Thank you so much again
Lisa
xxx
tiredOfOcd
28-07-09, 17:14
tiredofocd
Thank you so much for your advice and your patience today,
We're all here to help each other.
I am going to try and calm down my anxiety as you say and then hopefully stop reacting to the thoughts so much and then try and get the courage to go to the drs about the feelings i have been having with the pills
Sounds like a good plan.
Good luck. Stay strong.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.