Obsessive fear, question for Meg and others..

[Joanna1414]

Hi everyone,

I have had anxiety really badly the past few months, which centers on going crazy and losing control. I can't stop thinking about it. It is really irritating and basically anytime I read a symptom of some mental illness-like Schizophrenia or Bipolar, I then think I have the symptom. It is making me lose confidence, because I feel like a smart person, so why can't I just get over this?

It started a few months back when I had a panic attack, then felt depersonalized and started googling, bad idea.

I read that Schizophrenics/Bipolar people hear voices, so then I thought
"Oh my god, what if I hear a voice!", then I thought of a scary voice, saying my name. Which is a thought...can't EVERYONE do this? I asked my therapist/boyfriend and my therapist assures me its anxiety and my boyfriend said "It's more a question of stupidity, because you made it up on your own!" I don't know what to do, I feel ridiculous, but it is making me so worried, I have songs stuck in my head too and just feel like I can't break free from my thoughts and the more I obsess the more I worry....


So my question is this...Can you think, in your head, of a scary voice? I know I AM thinking it, it only occurs when I think what if i heard a scary voice...never on its own. I also have a great imagination, which is making this worse I think...

I also have only had this since reading about voices, never before...but I just can't shake it, any time I feel ok, I'm like trying to freak myself out by making myself think I am nuts, so awful and stupid....nobody in my family has shiz/bipolar...


Also, the song stuck in head thing is really aggravating, Meg, I know you have read a lot on here, is this normal? Why can't I stop hearing songs in my head, always annoying ones too!


Can someone identify please and let me know if you too can imagine a voice, this is so obnoxious, but I am really distressed.

[Joanna1414]

Anyone?

[nomorepanic]

Joanna - which Meg did you mean?

[Joanna1414]

Meg, the moderator...or anyone!


I just know she has seen a lot on here, as have you too...


I just need someone to help me undertsand, this, like internal monologue, can't everyone do this?

[nomorepanic]

Ok sorry Meg isn't on here anymore.

[nomorepanic]

Have you read the Symptoms website page?

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=symptoms

There are some bits on there that may help.

[den68]

joanna

i can hear my own voice in my head half the time saying what if then what etc but iv been told its just anxiety and nothing more and that stressed out people are thinking they are hearing things but its what you are thinking a bit like when you read a book you sometimes hear the words but your only thinking them
denise

[Joanna1414]

Thanks Denise!


Nicola,
What happened to Meg?!

[nomorepanic]

Meg is very busy with work so doesn't come on NMP anymore I am afraid.

[theworstyet]

i have the same with songs but i dont hear them i just think them i think its all confusing . i always here the same words when i go and make a sandwitch .... i never took much notice until ready this post ... do i hear voices or do i think them ... does anyone like speak to thereself in there head ?

[Dreamer029]

JOANNA- I AM SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS BECAUSE I HAVE THE EXACT SAME THING.....LITERALLY. EXACTLY THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!! I will PM you.

[108]

Joanna, i know what you are going through, because when I was a teenager, I was doing hallucinogenics, and one time i had a bad trip, and I thought i was going crazy, and I became so paranoid that I was going crazy...and it effected me for a while after that...

but I can tell you, without a doubt...anxiety or fear about going crazy, is not going crazy...please believe this

in reality, i wasn't going crazy, I just thought I was...the fact that I was on drugs didn't help either ;)

but in order to get to the bottom of your fear....you need to question what your thoughts are about "going crazy"...and thats there the fear is coming from...because you have labeled it as something bad and fearful

Nothing in and of itself is fearful...not even "going crazy"

Maybe you can reply with all your thoughts about "going crazy", and we can break them down to see where your misperceptions are

[Joanna1414]

My fear centers on losing control, basically.

For instance, I can be on the subway and think, "What if I freaked out in front of everyone?"

This happened the other day, except I didn't freak out, I just kept reading my Vogue magazine while I worried about freaking out.

The worrisome component of this is that I can "picture" it happening, as in, when I picture myself losing control, it makes me nervous, despite the fact that I could also picture myself not losing control.

I worry about any possible mental illness, despite being told I show none of the symptoms, and despite knowing I am not delusional. I even worried about tourette's before finding out it was impossible to get at my age.

I worry about my case being different than anyone else's anxiety.

I am always checking my thoughts to make sure they are not crazy.

I am SUPER self aware.

I am a SUPER perfectionist about my style, hair, makeup.

I obsess about imperfections.

DESPITE, all of this I have managed to go to NYC, Boston, and the beach with friends and family this past week, and they have not been aware of my constant anxiety and ridiculous neurosis. I feel almost like I need to boost my confidence to kick this, but it has been hard as I am at that whole "What am I doing with my life" phase.

[Meg]

Joanna

'''Can you think, in your head, of a scary voice?''' Yes you sure can. The biggest thing to remember is that energy follows thought . If you think it , your body doesn't know whether its made up or true so it starts to believe it and responds accordingly. In your case, you automatically become scared as you 'know' that hearing voices is not a positive thing in most scenarios.

You've almost answered your question yourself as you have already recognised that this only happens when you're thinking about it .. we're all clever mortals and our innards make connections quickly and are able to respond quicker than we can by logic.

You give me no cause for concern at all, this is a very typical issue for anxiety sufferers and the key is to break the cycle , often by an intense distraction. You will come to realise that when you're busy and distracted or concentrating on helping someone else, this never happens.

About the song thing.. same same . No big deal at all. As kids we are taught by repetition and we will often fall back into that and songs are particularly prone as they have a catchy memorable tune. I went through a phase of saying rhyming phrases over and over again, for no better reason than they sounded nice, sometimes changing the accent to see how they sounded different. Essentially, whilst I was busy physically usually driving , I was bored rigid cognitively so my mind was finding its own games. The phase passed without incident, it went when I decided to put on talking books or learn a language in the car. Clearly the radio wasn't enough to keep my mind active.

Meg ( only back momentarily )

[trish1955]

yes your right about the song thing i do that often it drives me mad to and its true about you think you hear stuff but is yr own thoughts nothing more
i ave sufferd panic anxiety and agaraphobia on and off since i was 12 i am now 52 and not been in a strait jacket yet
we all must be the hardest people to be told its nothing and believe it but yr fine hun as always it will pass take care trish x

[RaycheeLou]

Yes - I think anyone with a decent imagination could do that! Just don't pass this on to me!!