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30-07-09, 13:28
Hello All.
My name is Tom and I am a train driver in London, I am Married with a little boy and some good friends and as a general rule my life is fairly good.
3 years ago I was driving my train from London to Cambridge when I hit 2 young lads who were messing about on the tracks. They were both killed instantly and I was looking right at them as they died. I will not go into to much detail about the aftermath but let’s just say I did not want to remain I the drivers cab.
I was left alone for nearly an hour until the police arrived and over 2 hours before my managers arrived and took me off the train. I had some brief counselling but after 3 sessions I was told that I had to go back to drive trains and that was that.
For the next year I was not to bad, the odd nightmare but nothing too serious. When ever I drove over the section I developed a habit of tapping the driving desks 3 times. (Stupid I know)
Then about 16 month later it was time for the coroners inquest, I was told it would be in December, but in November I received some disturbing news. A family member of one of the boys killed had been charged on 2 separate occasions with murder. He had only escaped conviction because the witnesses had disappeared. At this point I started to suffer anxiety to a fairly large degree. My wife told me that I went from being outgoing and extravert to being very insular and only wanting to sit on the sofa in front of the telly.
I started to make small mistakes at work, I forgot to stop at a station and on another occasion I overshot the platform. At this point I asked to see the railway councillor. I was sent to the Bupa wellness centre in London and after 4 sessions the physiologist recommended that I receive further treatment. My managers refused and I was sent back driving trains. The inquest came and went and fortunately the relative had been arrested for another incident and was not there.
But I was now starting to struggle, the nightmares increased and I started to become very paranoid, I believed that my firm was out to get me and that I was going to loose my job. I was always sick with colds and back pain and every day was a struggle to get up for work. The only reason I managed it was I had to go to work to earn money as I am the sole bread winner for my family.
I then made another mistake and I was temporarily taken off driving and sent on an arcadia course that teaches you how to ignore your home life while at work, it shows you how to lock away feelings. This helped me a bit and I went back to work.
This brings me up to the present day, About 3 weeks ago I was driving my train at night and I nearly hit a group of track workers. They were all standing in my path but managed to get out of the way before I hit them. Since then I have not been well, I have become increasingly paranoid and am not sleeping, I am dreaming not only about the original incident, but also about the phsyco family member who in my dreams is chasing me and my family. Yesterday I found myself in my garden getting fantastically angry at my manager. I was just weeding and started to think about how I had been treated and got myself into a terrible rage. So I went for a good long run and knackered myself out and that seemed to help. For the last few weeks I have been feeling numb and ambivalent to my family.
I have seen the Doctor and he has signed me off with stress, I am going back next week and am hoping that I can be sent to see a specialist. I have taken a few PTSD tests and score very highly in them. I am not interested in legal action I just want to understand what is happening to me and get some help.
Well that is my story and I would welcome any comments or advice and thanks for reading
Tom
My name is Tom and I am a train driver in London, I am Married with a little boy and some good friends and as a general rule my life is fairly good.
3 years ago I was driving my train from London to Cambridge when I hit 2 young lads who were messing about on the tracks. They were both killed instantly and I was looking right at them as they died. I will not go into to much detail about the aftermath but let’s just say I did not want to remain I the drivers cab.
I was left alone for nearly an hour until the police arrived and over 2 hours before my managers arrived and took me off the train. I had some brief counselling but after 3 sessions I was told that I had to go back to drive trains and that was that.
For the next year I was not to bad, the odd nightmare but nothing too serious. When ever I drove over the section I developed a habit of tapping the driving desks 3 times. (Stupid I know)
Then about 16 month later it was time for the coroners inquest, I was told it would be in December, but in November I received some disturbing news. A family member of one of the boys killed had been charged on 2 separate occasions with murder. He had only escaped conviction because the witnesses had disappeared. At this point I started to suffer anxiety to a fairly large degree. My wife told me that I went from being outgoing and extravert to being very insular and only wanting to sit on the sofa in front of the telly.
I started to make small mistakes at work, I forgot to stop at a station and on another occasion I overshot the platform. At this point I asked to see the railway councillor. I was sent to the Bupa wellness centre in London and after 4 sessions the physiologist recommended that I receive further treatment. My managers refused and I was sent back driving trains. The inquest came and went and fortunately the relative had been arrested for another incident and was not there.
But I was now starting to struggle, the nightmares increased and I started to become very paranoid, I believed that my firm was out to get me and that I was going to loose my job. I was always sick with colds and back pain and every day was a struggle to get up for work. The only reason I managed it was I had to go to work to earn money as I am the sole bread winner for my family.
I then made another mistake and I was temporarily taken off driving and sent on an arcadia course that teaches you how to ignore your home life while at work, it shows you how to lock away feelings. This helped me a bit and I went back to work.
This brings me up to the present day, About 3 weeks ago I was driving my train at night and I nearly hit a group of track workers. They were all standing in my path but managed to get out of the way before I hit them. Since then I have not been well, I have become increasingly paranoid and am not sleeping, I am dreaming not only about the original incident, but also about the phsyco family member who in my dreams is chasing me and my family. Yesterday I found myself in my garden getting fantastically angry at my manager. I was just weeding and started to think about how I had been treated and got myself into a terrible rage. So I went for a good long run and knackered myself out and that seemed to help. For the last few weeks I have been feeling numb and ambivalent to my family.
I have seen the Doctor and he has signed me off with stress, I am going back next week and am hoping that I can be sent to see a specialist. I have taken a few PTSD tests and score very highly in them. I am not interested in legal action I just want to understand what is happening to me and get some help.
Well that is my story and I would welcome any comments or advice and thanks for reading
Tom