View Full Version : Maybe finding "the meaning of life" would help...
..Have you found your "meaning of life" and what does it mean to you?
Im trying to figure out some of the common denominators among us anxiety sufferers and after thinking about my own life I started to think if any of you also struggle with this same question.
I have always lived a very hectic life, moved over 20 times, been in many relationships, lived in different countries, done various jobs etc and have always felt a bit like ship without a direction. And felt the strain of it, but the moment my life is not full of worry or stress I get the most anxious. And start to worry about myself.
I have always been afraid of dying (mostly others) and felt that I need to figure out "reason i am here" aka the meaning of life. No, I cant just relax and let it go :) I somehow have had a strong belief that the meaning is having children, that somehow life will suddenly make sense, and all will be good. But now, because of my Gad and panic disorder being prevalent and taking medication I was told perhaps not to consider children right now. I also got some bad news considering fertility so having a family with children might not even be an option for me. My best friend just let me know that she is pregnant, she is the last of my friends to become pregnant. I feel like the train has left the station without me and I am getting anxious.
So now Im trying to reorganise my thoughts about what is important in life.
Ive always believed that settling down and having something constant would make all the difference in GAD and panic. And Im trying to figure out what my constant is (for you watching Lost..) and can a person live a happy life without it?
thanks for letting me share my thoughts, I hope you find some time to let me know how you feel about this.
Evita :flowers:
I always believed when i suffered anxiety/panic attacks/depression when i was younger, that it would go once I settled down and had a family.
Although I am now happily married, I am still suffering and am too scared to start a family whilst I feel like this - i dont think I could cope.
I am starting to realise that happiness/peace needs to come from within, we can have everything we want but unless we are at ease ad happy with ourselves we will still suffer and never truely be happy as the anxiety will re-focus itself on some other aspect of our lifes.
I hope you understand what I mean, I'm not very good at expressing myself on here.
bluegirl09
01-08-09, 22:18
i think lifes really hard in this day and age its a battle out there jobs are scarce money is tight its summer yet its bloody raining my thoughts on life are just this -whatever will be will be, there is no path too follow you just have too try and get from A too B with a spring in ur step and a smile -lifes gives us all knocks some bad some downright nasty the trick is too get up from them i have no focus no meaning im just travelling down lifes road getting older and staying alive
The meaning of life...yes its weird really i do wonder why we are are here and some people in this life suffer so badly...The other night i watched slum dog millionaire and i personally was moved to tears to think that some children live there lives like that in the world and im here moaning in my house with my children and my comforts around me and complaining at times about stupid silly things...i dont know why we are all here but after loosing both my parents i do know it doesnt last for ever maybe it will all be revealed in our next life in heaven...
Im sorry Tasia for your parents:hugs:, I think one reason that people suffer from anxiety is sorrow. I dont know how to "cure" that, or express sorrow "right" so that it will not come out as panic disorder or anxiety later in life.
And Mich111 I understand perfectly, i too am married but afraid of starting a family.
Hi
We are here to help others and ease there suffering. The human race is dependant on each other, we cannot survive by ourselves. We should carry on supporting each other and give to others. If we do this we will die peacefully.
I meditate often about death. I imagine myself lying in an open coffin and everyone talking about me. I listen to the negative things and try to right them while I am around.
I also meditate on dying and the fact that I could die tommorow. I could die alone etc.. This does help remove the fear a little as you are exposing yourself to something that gives you anxiety.
Live every day like its your last and prioritise on the more subtle things. Try mindful meditation.
I think what you have started is good. You have taken time to reflect on life. Most people busy themselves until something slows them down like illness and then they wish they had lived life differently. They wish they had done simple things like spend time with nature. Spend quality time with family and friends, help people who are finding it an uphill struggle.
Why not explore the various religions or philosophical ways to live like Buddhism or Hinduism or Christianity. Remember never underestimate the power of the mind. You should begin learning how to control it and not allow it to control us.
I am working on it..
Mee
Hi Evita,
I am in a very similar position to you. I lost my father a few years back and was trying for a baby at the time. I then had a suspected miscarriage a few months later. About 8 months after that I got ill with anxiety and panic and then ME.
I am 37 and have been told I have fertility issues and need to be referred asap if I want kids. All my friends are getting pregnant left right and center too!
The catch is that I dont feel well enough right now mentally or physically to do it.
One thing I can say that may (or may not) help is that a lot of people think having kids will make them happier but the research shows that this is not the case. For example marriages without children are likely to be happier than those with. I also know of quite a few friends who have kids and those kids have caused them an awful lot of stress and worry. I think it is right that we can only find happiness from within.
Sometimes (and I am not saying this is you) I think we can want children for the wrong reasons - for example to look after us in old age or at least keep us company - yet i know of two people who have no contact with their children and I know lots of older people without children who have a really full life.
For me I really wanted kids even more after my father died - it was such a strong urge but now I know that for the next few months at least it is not an option.
Mich111 - you are so right I told myself they would go when I left my job but they are still here.
The other way to look at it evita is to go ahead and have them anyway. You are obviously a caring person so would be a good mother. My GP told me to stop trying when I first got ill by my counsellor went mad when I told her - she said that was a terrible thing to say as anxiety does not mean you cant be a good parent.
I do think though that kids dont necessarily equate happiness/
Meewah - I have read some Pema Chodron - its wonderful. I am looking into Buddhism and mindfulness as I really think thats the way to go for me.
hi evita...thankyou for your beautiful kind words but my anxiety i believe started long ago before i lost my mum and dad...but loosing them just made everything so much more awful for me...i do believe in life after death ive had so many things happen to me since my mum died i know it was her trying to let me know she is still near me...i will see her again one day. But again thankyou i wish people in the world were as kind and caring as people are in nmp...xxx
Tasia- really, no need to thank, I so wish I could do something to ease someone elses struggle. I can only imagine how hard youve had it, and you are still going strong. You should be really proud of yourself. And I believe too that you will see your mum one day, I lost my mum too and have also had strong "evidence" that they are there caring and looking over our shoulders :)
hollygirl- Im also sad for your struggles, its amazing what fighters there are among us in NMP. Thank you for your words, I agree too that sometimes we might want children for the "wrong reasons". I had the same as you, after my mum passed away i suddenly had enourmous urge to have children (with a wrong man) just somehow to feel that there is some sense in the world I guess. And I also dont feel that I should have them right now, my own mental health is important. but what an unconsidered fool of a GP you had..luckily your therapist told you otherwise! Thank you for sharing that with me.
Mee- That meditation sounds really interesting. Im luckily now in a place in my mind when i can just sit quetly alone and do relaxation exercises. A few months ago even that was too much. Not letting my mind control me, that will be my goal this year. And I think that helping others is probably the most important thing in life, just have to figure out a balance between that and helping myself :)
Hi ive just been reading this thread and it resonated with me because I spend a lot of time thinking about what the meaning of all this is! My thought is that there is no universal answer, the meaning of life is whatever you want it to be. Whether that be children, marriage, career, whatever, I hope that as long as you are happy and what you are doing feels good, then that is what gives us meaning. I know this isnt a very profound thought, its just what I think and hope is true :) .
Hi Meg, I think it IS profound and beatifully said "as long as you are happy and what you are doing feels good, then that is what gives us meaning".
Mudskipper
03-08-09, 09:33
Hi
Sometimes I think people spend too much time looking for some huge, all-conquering meaning to life when, if life has a meaning, maybe it's something apparently smaller that we just don't consider or take for granted. The contemplation of beauty for instance. Of all the animals, I believe we are the only species capable of appreciating the beauty of love, art, music, nature or whatever. In my brighter moments I sometimes feel this should be enough meaning for me, shame those moments don't last a bit longer.
As for finding meaning in having kids, in theory they fill your life and leave you less time to worry. In practise however, I worry myself sick over their welfare and futures and leaving my wife with an unfair share of the burden. Of course, the catch is that you don't find out which way it goes until you actually have them. I don't regret having them but if I'd been fore-armed with what I know now, I don't think I'd have had the nerve. I love my kids but anxiety sufferers really should think long and hard before adding to their burden, after all, the kids could end up suffering because of your problems too.
Hi
As for finding meaning in having kids, in theory they fill your life and leave you less time to worry. In practise however, I worry myself sick over their welfare and futures and leaving my wife with an unfair share of the burden. Of course, the catch is that you don't find out which way it goes until you actually have them. I don't regret having them but if I'd been fore-armed with what I know now, I don't think I'd have had the nerve. I love my kids but anxiety sufferers really should think long and hard before adding to their burden, after all, the kids could end up suffering because of your problems too.
So true. I Love my kids but bringing life in to this world will also bring suffering. For you as a anxiety sufferer and for your kids as growing up is never an easy process for both parties. Plenty of broken hearts along the way.
I hope you all the best in your choices.
Mee
hey guys,
I thought this thread was really interesting, as it's a big part of what's caused me to suffer in the past. I just wanted to add a couple of things to everyone else's messages.
First, I thought the first couple of times I had anxiety that the meaning of my life had literally just disappeared, and each time I felt I needed to go searching for something new to give me purpose. But since reading books such as At Last A Life and Self Help For Your Nerves I have come to realise that this apparent loss of meaning is a symptom of anxiety (a very common one) rather than a cause and no new searching needs to be done. The things that have mattered and given meaning before will do so again, but we can't force them while our minds are so fatigued by our condition. This has really helped ease a lot of my worry.
Second, I'd recommend reading Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He was a jewish psychotherapist who survived a concentration camp, and used the experience to explore how humans can find meaning and purpose in any situation. His idea is that the 'meaning of life' is not a question we should be asking, but one that is being asked OF US. I think this is a wonderful, liberating thought that helps put us back in charge of our own happiness :)
Take care everyone :)
Sarah xx
Sarah, that was a lovely post! Very comforting thoughts. Would you mind clarifying a bit what did Viktor Frankl mean by "the meaning of life is asked of US, not the other way around", sounds really interesting :)
Glad I could help a bit! I think knowing that anxiety can manifest itself in these ways can take the fear out of a lot of symptoms :)
I think he means that rather than going round asking god/world/universe/external things to provide us with the meaning of life, we need to decide how to make our own lives meaningful. That it's up to us to decide on the ideas, causes, people etc that make our lives the richest. Sorry, I'm not very good at explaining things, I hope that made sense!
Sarah xx
Yes, it made sense, thank you! :flowers:
Sarah
I am reading a fascinating book called the philosophy of Boredom. It talks about boredom being the cause violence, murder and anxiety etc. It talks about without meaning in our lives we get bored. I find that when my life is "on hold" my boredom level is high and hence my anxiety is high. I think that the key to this is to make yourself busy doing things you really enjoy.
What do you think?
Mee
Hi Mee,
Yeah that makes total sense to me too! I guess it's difficult as when anxiety is bad it is difficult to do things, which increases boredom! Like a vicious circle.
I think my anxiety started when I was stuck at uni doing a course I realised I didn't actually want to do, which had very few contact hours (two or three a week!) and which left me with far too much time to myself to dwell on everything.
So yeah I think you're completely right on that one, we need to refresh our minds by spending time being occupied doing the things we enjoy :)
Sarah x
I will definitely be getting that Victor Frankl book because it sounds really interesting. The thing is I really feel like I need a meaning to my life and I think that is a natural feeling when life is hard. Whether it is hard because of anxiety or because of the fact that we are greiving. We dont like feeling so bad and if we had a sense of meaning then maybe we could at least think there was something bigger than us.
I have been listening to the beginning interiew with Charles Linden from the Linden Method and he talks about finding an obssession - but a good one. Not a meaning as such but something that you can do that will take your mind off the anxiety symptoms. He says at first it will be hard to do that and the anxiety will keep coming back but you need to persevere. For him it was photography. Which is really interesting as i watched a programme once where a woman was cured after years of severe agoraphobia when her husband bought her a camera. I am going to give it a go because I love taking pics and also you can take a camera with you anywhere and photograph anything. He said as well as a distraction it also provided him with a way of really seeing the beauty in the world.
I love writing and have found it a massive help but this recent bout of anxiety was so bad that I couldnt even do that because I was too scared to sit still as I would panic.
Still some good news is that today I spent the whole day alone for the first time in weeks. It was hard but i did it and I am proud!
Good for you!! :yesyes: When I have my worse episodes (which seem to come every two years, lasting a half a year) I loose it if am left alone. So I know what an accomplishment that is! Now been able to be by myself during day, although had to get a dog which helps a lot..:blush:
hiya i have just read the posts and i agree with the meaning of life in that i caanot seem to understand the meaning - which obvouly means ive been thinking about it - my younger brother died 8 years ago in a motor bike accident (not his fault) which is really the last time i can remember being carefree
Im sorry for your loss Robert. I can relate, I also remember the time before I lost my mum as being carefree. The worst part is that Im sure the people who leave us too soon would hate to have this effect on us. And if they are watching us from somewhere I really wouldnt want them to worry about us.
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