cool326
02-08-09, 06:34
So, around January I began having panic attacks. My trigger was Slumdog Millionaire. I still don't understand how it is regarded as the "feel good" movie of the year.
For the next six months I began having recurring panic attacks. They all had the same theme. You know, mutilation and the severe oppression of children. They were extremely morbid, and they scared me immensely. I tried exposure therapy by looking at pictures online, but that scared me even more.
Eventually, one night, I just slapped myself. I told myself that there must be some subliminal REASON why I was having morbid thoughts. I realized that subconsciously I must like the emotional" high" of panic attacks. So the next time I got one, I slapped myself in the face and yelled at myself to cut it out. I told myself I was just trying to get high, and that I was going to stop.
and it worked.
I began to rationalize. I thought about how my worries where illogical. I thought about how my worries weren't going to solve anything, and that the only way to solve a problem was to do something about it. I couldn't do anything about MY worries due to the limited political power that comes with being 16.
That's when I started to get depressed.
I was so focused on staying away from thoughts that made me feel ANYTHING that I got into a rut of not feeling anything. The minute my thoughts turned to something the slightest bit upsetting, shocking, or thrilling I would shut down. I began riding roller coasters with a dead on straight face, whereas before my panic attacks I had mild anxiety which produced a state of panic even while waiting in line for a thrill ride.
I actually liked myself a little anxious. I played it up in a Woody Allen way and it was funny. I could channel the extreme emotions that come with anxiety into acting and other passionate, creative pursuits. The panic attacks, however, were horrifying.
Basically, my theory is that I overcompensated. The feeling of a panic attack is excruciating, so I cut out all feeling in order to be safe from them. This, however, led to depression. Any other theories?
For the next six months I began having recurring panic attacks. They all had the same theme. You know, mutilation and the severe oppression of children. They were extremely morbid, and they scared me immensely. I tried exposure therapy by looking at pictures online, but that scared me even more.
Eventually, one night, I just slapped myself. I told myself that there must be some subliminal REASON why I was having morbid thoughts. I realized that subconsciously I must like the emotional" high" of panic attacks. So the next time I got one, I slapped myself in the face and yelled at myself to cut it out. I told myself I was just trying to get high, and that I was going to stop.
and it worked.
I began to rationalize. I thought about how my worries where illogical. I thought about how my worries weren't going to solve anything, and that the only way to solve a problem was to do something about it. I couldn't do anything about MY worries due to the limited political power that comes with being 16.
That's when I started to get depressed.
I was so focused on staying away from thoughts that made me feel ANYTHING that I got into a rut of not feeling anything. The minute my thoughts turned to something the slightest bit upsetting, shocking, or thrilling I would shut down. I began riding roller coasters with a dead on straight face, whereas before my panic attacks I had mild anxiety which produced a state of panic even while waiting in line for a thrill ride.
I actually liked myself a little anxious. I played it up in a Woody Allen way and it was funny. I could channel the extreme emotions that come with anxiety into acting and other passionate, creative pursuits. The panic attacks, however, were horrifying.
Basically, my theory is that I overcompensated. The feeling of a panic attack is excruciating, so I cut out all feeling in order to be safe from them. This, however, led to depression. Any other theories?