Try But Huband Puts Me Down

[gypsywomen]

yesterday felt good so set to cleaning cupoards ,washing, not that house needs it , anyway normal for me to go to bed for 4 as awake most night,,but last night made him great tea and dressed up waited for him comming home,as he walked up the drive he looked up at my window ,we dont sleep together he used to beat me ,,anyway when he saw they were open his face hit the floor...he said hope you havent cooked me tea ,,i showed him, i dont want that\\\\ why you not in bed ,,we had a big row ,,so i panicked run to my room,,where this is leading is, to day having very bad thoughts and anxcity,its as thou he wants me to be this way he knows what buttons to push,, he can control me you see,,do you think this is why i am so bad today,,it hurts tried so hard to be my old self, and now cant be bothered i feel so sad crying writing this ,,my dear friends god bless ,

[trish1955]

aww bless you like we dont feel bad enough with our anxiety we dont need putting down more we can do that how selfs i realy need to ask why you still with this man who prob put you were you are today i do understand why you think he like you to be low and depend on him i always say i feel trapped in my marrige as i am agraphobic as well as panic and anxiety all it does is add more pressure on us i to sit here waiting for some one to wave a magic wand and tell me what to do when we both no its only us that can make the choice easier said than done but take care trishxx

[gypsywomen]

trish thank you yes i have left before but somehow always come back and yes he did this to me,,my docter said i suffer with post trumatic stress syndrome from all i have sufferd at his hands,,he is so insecure he needs me even just to put me down, it makes him feel a man ,,i was always a strong person ,but it wore me down ,,and now i feel worthless ,do you know in all the years i have known him he has never let me have a night out never ,,so you see i am trapped ,he said if i ever leave him again he would kill me

[amandaj]

sounds like he needs help badly he cant treat you like this,have you been to the police? thats not life its just exisiting for you how horrilbe it must be

[gypsywomen]

its hell with this as well you can imagine but i am not strong to leave at the min wish i was.i just go to bed before he gets home i have pains everywhere today is this due to anxity please

[trish1955]

o to blame myself for not leaving i say what you say i am not strong enough or maybe when i am cured of my panic axiety or agaphobia i will leave i ave been married 22 yrs i did live apart from him for 4 yrs but still let him bk in yr 2000 when i was at a all time low looseing my dad and in all honesty i ave been at my worse for the past 9ys does that tell me something before you no it yrs go by and we get weaker not stronger any way hun chin up bet you feel a little better knowing yr not alone bye for now trish xx

[suzy-sue]

He sounds a vile man .Men like that usually have a problem with self esteem.They act like that because it makes them feel good about themselves ..Im afraid id put rat poison in his dinner ..Your pains are just anxiety and its hardly suprising with what you are forced to put up with from him .Get well and keep thinking of the day you pack your bags and leave him for good .You deserve so much better .Life is too short .Hugs to you ,stay strong luv Sue:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: xx

[mick_uk]

Hiya,
I agree with sue,it makes him feel good to treat you like that. It's not easy getting out of a relationship like that,but you don't deserve to be treated like that. I hope you get strong enough to leave.

take care

mick

[SueBee]

Lovely you shouldnt have to live like this. As long as you're living in the same house with him you'll always feel too weak to leave - he'll make sure of that.

Have you been in touch with Womens Aid? You can contact them just for advice or if you are in danger they can find you somewhere safe to stay.

Abuse doesnt have to be physical, often its the psychological torment that does the more damage and Womens Aid understand this.

Its not right that you have to be in your room at a certain time just to avoid him- you must feel like a prisoner!

Have a look at the website anyway or just give them a ring for advice

http://www.womensaid.org.uk

Best of luck and take care

Sue
x

[Anxious_gal]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071385649/ref=ox_ya_oh_product

this book has a big chapter about abusive relationships.
you try to please him to avoid arguments. I know he has broken down your self worth and self esteem.
when he;s nice to you it probably makes you feel very very good so you keep trying to please him, you also try to please him to avoid arguments.
he doesn't respect you, you know you deserve better.
you need to love yourself alot in order to gain the strength to leave.

I dated a man that was emotionally abusive, thank god he broke up with me.
He took all my self confidence with him, but i eventually got it back.
I find my anxiety is much worse if I'm around mean people, I'm just anticipating arguments.........
see I think he reacted badly because you change, you did something you may not usually do, you weren't in bed at your usual time.......
you try and do something nice and he reacts with nastiness.
his reaction is not your fault.
but by trying to please him and maybe being submissive, and not standing up to him (I know he may reacted very badly if you did that) and also by staying with, you are letting him him use you and rob you of your own happiness.
I don't know much about abuse and this is only my opinion, i hope it's helps or at least makes you buy the book which i think will at least help a small bit.
stay safe x

[Worrier]

Hey Gypsy,

Oh my goodness when I read your post I was almost crying. What a terrible way to live. All I can tell you from my past experience of being mentally tormented is that you can find the strength to get away. I understand you are afraid of this man and he has threated you but you MUST find someone to confide it and get away. There are always shelters for abused women and they will protect you.

I spent 7 years with a man who never physically hit me, but promised he would mentally torture me and when I finally left him is when all the bad stuff really happened. He set my car on fireand did many other absolutely terrible things but ultimately I survived and moved on with my life.

Please find the inner strength you need to get through all this and remember we only have one life to live and why live it in total misery.

My favourite saying is - why be miserable with someone else when you can be miserable by yourself - think about it and don't let this man do this.

If you ever need to talk, please feel free to pm me.

Take care
Natalie x

[Lion King]

Hi gypsywoman,

I've just read all your replies to your thread, it just deeply saddens me that you have had to endure this mental torture for so long. I have known people like this in the past, it's unbelievable how cruel some people can be, to make someone feel so low and degraded so that they feel like they are worthless and weak. This man must be totally insecure to behave in this way, but why should you suffer for his misery, get out of there, there is plenty of support for women out there. Taking that first move will give you that strength you need to continue, you have as much worth as everybody.

Be strong and be Brave!!!!

LK

[gypsywomen]

thank you all so much for caring it made me cry when i read them ,,your all right i wish i could be the women i once was and leasve but i am so low ,xxxxxxxxxxod bless you all and help you in your illness you deserve it:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[miss_moose]

I don't even know what to say to try and help you or ease the pain, but i can honestly say since reading your post yesterday i have been thinking about you and worrying about you. Your never alone, you know you can come here and we will all support you and listen to you and care about you:hugs:

[gypsywomen]

thank you miss moose nice to know people care

[Maggie-may]

I also hope you can gather the strength to leave him, he is evil and you are beautiful, I just hope you can get out of there before he does something really awful such as beating and putting you in hospital! You deserve better!

[Carla louise]

Hiya, know i have already pm'd you about this issue,was wondering how you are getting on?. Sue summed this situ up well I think `as long as you're living in the same house you will always be to weak to leave'. I have wondered if I should be on Citalopram, I think i would be fine if I was not with an emotionally abusive boyfriend, however maybe Cit will give me the strength to make the changes I need to. I am moving house shortly and have looked all over for a bookcase that doesn't cost the earth, they seem to be quite expensive. I asked his advice on what would be sturdy and he was extremely unhelpful and awkward. I decided to buy two shelves and it came to £15-hardly a fortune and then he started saying `Oh, should you be buying them' and being really objectionable and nasty. I need them for my books and have found the cheapest thing possible. And then I get `Why don't you get rid of your books, blah, blah, blah'. And yes, then I had to carry them (heavy!)to the checkout myself and get them out the car at my house while he just sat in the car.He talked me out of buying a wardrobe a while back, implied I was a spenthrift and I am not, I have no debt, I am very frugal, and I have had my clothes in bags for 3yrs because of listening to him!. Is it wrong to want to have a nice house? I work damned hard and have waited for things and never get anything on credit. He buys all kinds of crap that I would class as frivolous and I never say anything. Supposed to be going to relate tonight, i'm not going, stuff it ive had enough. I seem to have found some strength from somewhere, I hope you do to huni,I'm sorry for ranting! but actually it has made me feel a lot better to get all that off my chest!! x

[Carla louise]

Oh God, just realised how long my rant is! sorry everyone! x

[gypsywomen]

thank you so much everyone for caring i hope i can find the strength,,,ie they work love to you .thought all your posts were heartwarming and give me hope started on prozac to day i do hope:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[eternally optimistic]

Hi

Good luck with the prozac, I hope it lifts you and you can find the strength to do what is right for YOU, you deserve better.

I truly do, wish you well and for better things for the future.

Take care.

[Mamfa85]

please put yourself first,having understanding people around u will make u feel better.my ex boyfriend use to get angry when i panicked and it always made it worse, it was me that suffered.take care

[Adam Thompson]

I cant see what anyone says on here is going to help you at all unfortunately.
Words are just words, what you and everyone else can see is that you need to leave. none of this im too weak, i keep coming back etc...just do it...if their is a threat of violence inform the police

or dont leave which you probably wont because if youre on here having to ask what to do you`re obviously not strong enogh to act.

I hope for your sake you find the strength and leave now

[gypsywomen]

dear adam some of the replies i have had have comefrom people who have lived this abuse i dont want sympathy just need totalk to people who care they all do,i cant leave when i cant even find the strenghth to go to shop,anxiety so bad but one day god willingi will get better then i make my move

[Thumbelina]

Lots has been said and advised.

I am also occasionnally a victim of domestic abuse.
This is always comlicated and it is always easier to tell somebody - just get out of these abusive relationships.

But the point is - it is more complex and espcially with the illness (anxiety depression) the judgement is poor.

It can be simply a luck of understanding and not abuse - but by the fragile person it will be clasiffied as abuse.

The solution that helps me sometimes to deal with my husband bringing me down about my condition is making jokes about myself before he does it. He is panicking that he is helpless - thats why he gets aggressive when we are in relapse.

By laughing it all off, (i know its hard to imagine) it is possible to get over the mountains every time.

Thanking God for all you have all the time and going to church is crutial in the process of selfhelp in my opinion.

Good luck