understanding panic

[fairymary]

Why cant other people try and understand how you are feeling. Had a panic attack today in my best friends car, she said she doesnt understand it. We have been best friends since I was 13, I am now 42.. I dont know why I am posting this, just felt the need to write it down. She has arthritis and whilst I cant imagine what pain she is in, I do try to understand, and also when my husband had depression, I tried to understand how he was feeling, whilst other people said "whats he got to be depressed about" Just feeling down and drained after my panic attack.:weep:

[ladybird64]

Hi Mary

For some reason, any kind of psychological problem such as panics, phobia's etc seem to be looked down upon, "it's all in the mind".
It may well be in the mind but it also affects everything else too..who chooses to deliberately go through the nightmare that is a panic attack?
Sounds like you friend is one of the "pull yourself together" brigade so I don't think you are going to get a lot of understanding from her somehow.
Having said that, not all people have this attitude and they may be quite supportive. I hope you do have some support Mary but if not, you can be assured of support and understanding here.

:flowers:

[melody]

Does it matter if there are some people who don't understand? Not understanding is a completely different thing to not caring...

There are a lot of people who do understand. That is the most important thing to remember!

Some people are naive enough to think they are helping, by pointing out the rude obvious truthes that don't help at all.

[lajjj]

just think how strong we really are! think of the people who do not have panic attacks.... you think they would cope if it happened to them?? we deal with this on a daily basis and keep going!

[Badly Drawn Boy]

I think it's quite a hard thing to understand if you haven't personally been affected by panic attacks. I feel I wouldn't understand it if I was in someone elses shoes.

[LakePines]

I find that people that have never had them don't really understand, but many people are curious about them in a caring way when you describe the symptoms.

[krog]

Hi there.

I've been through this situation on both sides of the fence.
A friend of mine had a breakdown some time ago and I am ashamed to say that I fell into the "pull yourself together" method of trying to "help".

A few years later I had my own breakdown and it was only then that I understood what they were going through. Needless to say, one of the first things that I did was offer my belated apologies to my friend for the lack of help that I was actually able to give.

I guess the only people who really understand nervous illness are the sufferers themselves. That also in my opinion applies to the people who are paid to "treat" nervous illness sufferers. The best ones are not always the highly paid and qualified ones. Sometimes the unpaid charity workers who are ex-sufferers can give far more help. Just my opinion so don't flame me :)

[chantelle]

Hi Krog

I agree with absolutely everything you said so I won't flame you!!!!!! I agree that unless you had been through this you could never comprehend how horrendous it is and how hard it is to get through it BUT to quote a statistic I heard at a course on listening skills that I am doing, 80% of people are helped by being just being listened to!!!!!!! Use this forum to sound off, Mary, - it makes you feel better to get rid of the frustration and everyone on here really understands. PM me anytime you wanna chat,
Chantelle

[krog]

Hi Krog

I agree with absolutely everything you said so I won't flame you!!!!!! I agree that unless you had been through this you could never comprehend how horrendous it is and how hard it is to get through it BUT to quote a statistic I heard at a course on listening skills that I am doing, 80% of people are helped by being just being listened to!!!!!!! Use this forum to sound off, Mary, - it makes you feel better to get rid of the frustration and everyone on here really understands. PM me anytime you wanna chat,
Chantelle

Hi Chantelle,

That is so spot on.......the being listened to bit.
In my lowest moments when I think I am going to completely lose the plot I have on many occasions been completely transformed by just talking to someone (usually a complete stranger on the NHS helpline or a panic charity that I am member of) and that always re-enforces my belief that there is hope and that this albatross around my neck called anxiety can be beaten.........given time and a little gentle persuasion :)

Cheers,
krog

[den68]

i find it worse when people say they understand what your going through although have never had a panic attack or anything like it in theirs lives. I prefer it when some one says to you i dont understand whats happening to you but i care about you and will always be here for you. To me thats fantastic
denise

[fairymary]

Hi, thanks for all your replies. I always feel so pathetic after a panic attack, but feeling better now.:)

[melody]

I think those are excellent points from everyone!

People who have never been through something can be very clumsy when trying to help. They do care, They try to explain what works for them, but they feel they have nowhere to go from there. Myself as someone has overcome panic attacks, I often feel the same. I know what worked for me, but everyone is so different. Everyone has them for different reasons, for so many situations that can cause so many different types of fears. Everyone's fears are certainly not the same as mine. Everyone's coping mechanism is most certainly very different to mine. Everyone's traumas are also different to my lifetime.

I have always been idealistic & hoped I could do whatever it takes to make someone feel better by sharing how I found what works for me. Everyone has to find their own way to learn what they need to feel complete. That's the truth as I see it!!!

I guess the truth that I learned is that it is not possible to be happy if I am constantly worrying about my perception of what others may or may not be thinking, does not work!!! For one thing, I tend to be very mean to myself. For another point, most people are like me, & they say comments thoughtlessly not meaning it in a bad way, but anyone with low self esteem will take it in the worst possible way, that the comment was never intended to mean at all.

My last point is that the people who I have thought to be the meanest in my lifetime, have had the most in common with myself! They are mean to me, because of what they secretly dislike in themselves!!! THEREFORE: They never hated me in the first place! They had always only hated themselves.

This is life as I see it anyhows.....
Feel free to debate.....

Be happy everyone, & be who you really are :)

Melody

[chantelle]

Hope you are in better form Mary. Some people never really understand and you need to see if you can accept that fault in them and continue with your friendship. You have been friends for such a long time it would be a shame if this came between you - I find that I have to just accept the small faults in some friends as part of the bigger picture of their friendship.

Good luck & take care
Chantelle

[melody]

That's what I think. All the time when people get the maddest at others, is always a huge misunderstanding, because words can only say so much!

Everyone, that is not a lamo bully, everyone else seems to have the best of intentions. BUT... everyone has different values, dreams, loves, fears, ideals, creativities??? Why would anyone ever choose to listen to the lamo insecure bullies if they ever had a choice about it??? A rational choice with no emotions attatched. No one would rationally choose that...

Our brain reacts so strongly to being hurt! Nothing to do with logic, but our feelings are so overwhelming to a crisis that it can make a human person physically ill. I despise the way Dr.s describe it as they put all the blame onto the victim & that makes me feel sick!!! I hate it how professionals put the blame onto the victim!!!! HATE IT! Because that is my anxiety!!! It hurts...

That is my 2 cents after 12 on & off years of suffering anxiety & depression

Everyone has the right to be who they really are!!! Everyone is perfectly inperfect, in entirely different ways, as perceived GOD intended! If anyone is religious... Everyone on the planet fits perfectly with the person they are yet to meet? Everyone has something amazing to offer that they are not yet aware of>? Especially anxiety people, as they feel incomplete!!! Thus far?

When I am truthful, about the things about me that fear the most. with the people I care about, they say my flaws are the most awsome parts of my personality!!! These are the parts of me that could never, ever change, part of who I am, I can never be anyone but who I am! I am who I am! I matter to some people (I never thought I mattered to anyone!)

Therefore my life matters a lot! I believe each of you has not yet discovered how your life matters yet??? But each of you has a life that means the world to someone else that has not yet been met???

That is what I have come to believe!!! I have been unable to make friends yet, I had panic attacks till I met my perfect match. I thought I was wierd, but it has so far worked 4 11 years :)

OK that is my philosophy of life as I know it :)