Loneliness

[NoPoet]

Hi, I am quite lonely and have been for a long time to be honest. I think this is part of why I feel down. I don't feel that I connect with anyone, or if I do it doesn't last for long. I'm frustrated, I want more from my life and I want friends who don't bitch at me, I want to go on dates with people who aren't only in it for themselves.

Does anyone else find loneliness makes them feel worse and contributes or creates their feelings of depression?

Most of the reason I phone the Samaritans is so that I have got someone to talk to. I don't think anyone "gets" me, it's like I am on another planet to everyone else.

Anyone got any suggestions on what I can do?

[chantelle]

Hi poet,
sorry to hear this - you seem so confidant from your emails. Just keep trying - there's someone out there for everyone. Sorry I cannot offer any advice on what to do- I met my husband when I was 17. We dated for 6 years and have been married for 18 years. However, when I am depressed it dosen't matter how many people are around I still feel lonely. It's a matter of finding any positive that you can and coping with it

Good luck and keep your chin up - you will meet that special someone you will click with

Chantelle

[purple to black]

I always have feelings of being lonely - i think its just part of this whole mixed up cycle of anxiety/depression, one feeds the other and we go round and round looking for answers. I wish i knew what to say to you to make you feel better :(
Would a hug help?

[pollyanna]

Hi Poet,

i am so sorry that you feel this way, friends who bitch about you arent really friends,and people who are only in things purely for themselves are selfish people. you deserve better.you come across as a confident person, and you make me laugh. i know how the front we put on can be very decieving, people who know me wouldnt believe half of what goes on in my head and behind closed doors, i can come across chatty and confident, but inside i am quivering and thinking that i am just gibbering and people think i am a fool. you can be in a room full of people and still be lonely.
i dont know if anyone other than others who have suffered the same can really get it, i have been with my husband since i was 18, and im now 42, and he has seen me through some really tough times, but even though he has seen a lot, i feel a lot of times he just doesnt get it.
I am lucky that i got involved in a local mental health project a few years ago , and made a couple of really good friends, one who i see a lot of and a couple who i see fairly regularly, since meeting these friends i feel it has changed things for me, and we have a really good connection, and i do feel they' get me', but i waited a long time to find them.
Things happen when you least expect it, there will be people who you will find and connect with, i think we can connect with people on different levels, some people who have the same of humour, others who have the same interests, and others who who can get us on a deeper level.
We are all unique, i have through time, learned to embrace some of my traits, and tried to focus on the more positive things in my life.
Sorry i have rambled a bit, , i hope things change for you soon, and the feelings of loneliness lessen, you deserve better.

thinking of you and sending you my best wishes..

Pauline x:hugs:

[suzy-sue]

Paulines right ,when you get depressed you just feel different from the rest of the world somehow .You dont see things in the right perspective . I knew I felt down but as I had never suffered with depression i didnt know thats what it was .I have two friends who have both had problems over the years ,and it helped so very much ,just to talk to them and they knew how I felt .Other people dont understand really no matter how much you try to explain ,and sometimes you just avoid them and isolate yourself even more .It can be a very lonely place at times .You do sound like your just having a bit of a blip .It will pass as they have before .Try to get out and be social even for a bit ,it used to make me feel better afterwards even tho I didnt feel like I could be bothered .Take care Sue :hugs:

[NoPoet]

Thanks everyone :)

I've been feeling low ever since I went on that bloody dating website. Nothing really bad happened, in fact some good came of it and there were positive knock-on effects that I don't want to get into. Still it shook things up in my life and it provoked some old wounds.

I wouldn't say I'm "depressed" in the clinical sense, I feel down and low, I've basically been forced to confront reality and it came as a shock is all.

When I'm out with friends or having fun with my family I feel completely cured of anxiety and depression. It's only when I have time to think, or when I get mixed up in stuff I may not be ready for, that I end up questioning things like this.

[suzy-sue]

Just do what you feel is right for you there is no hurry .The old wounds do heal ,it just takes time . Dont spend too much time thimking at the moment ,it isnt a good thing sometimes .Take care Sue x

[NoPoet]

I am very confused at the moment. Some old problems I used to have as a kid have come back to haunt me. I have changed so much and I don't really know how to handle these old problems. I feel like I'm a kid again at the same time as I'm a man, if that makes sense. The person I used to be and the man I am now are so different from each other.

[mapmaker]

I know how you feel.. In fact my doctor told me my current anxiety/panic disorder was triggered because of a tramatic event that happened when I was a kid..and now I'm going back to the past....to the present with my fears and feelings.
But you know what, Your older now, and are better equipped to handle any problem that comes before you. So be confident in what you know is right and who you are today not who you were when you were a kid. You can deal with this issue and resolve it just fine.

[NoPoet]

Thanks mate :D

I caught up on some much-needed sleep last night and I have been out for a few hours today with my best mate. We had a long talk (I did most of the talking lol) and I feel that it made a difference. We can definitely add "boredom" to the list of anxiety/depression causes, though why boredom makes me feel like that is beyond me at the moment!

I started saying hello to random women today. The first one smiled and said hello back. The second, an asian girl in a short red dress, totally blanked me. My mate told me to stop saying hello to random women.

[ElizabethJane]

Dear Poet I'm sorry that you are feeling lonely at the moment. On NMP you come over as being ultraconfident friendly sort of person. I know that we are not always the person that we present on the surface. If you are dealing with issues from your past that will almost certainly hamper your attempts to make new friends. I guess it is girl friends in particular that you feel a lack of? I have experienced acute loneliness in my life. Depression and loneliness go hand in hand because we isolate ourselves making the forming of new relationships very difficult. I know a lot of people but there are very few people that I rely on or call my real friends those who I can confide in and those who would do anything for me and provide a bolt hole if I need it. All this has taken years to achieve. I am married and have been for twenty years but my husband goes away on business a lot so I am often alone. When I lived on my own I was always on the phone (before pcs) as I hated being on my own. I tried to pretend that I quite liked being on my own. I didn't really. I had few friends at school and was bullied but this didn't stop me making friends. I have remained loyal to the few friends that I have. Joining lots of clubs or doing voluntary work helps to some degree ie it gets you out of the house but in my own experience it hasn't brought me any true and lasting relationships. Dear Poet I'm sure that you will begin to make lasting relationships with people abd hopefully one day find that special person.

[NoPoet]

The specialists I've been seeing (anxiety and hypnotherapy) both say I suffer from attachment and intimacy issues. Whenever I try to form a romantic or friendly attachment towards someone I can't; either I sabotage it for myself, or they don't want to know. So for years my relations with other people consisted of saying the minimum possible to them, and spending time on my own wherever I could.

I do have real-life friends but I am now the only one who is not in a relationship and does not have his own home. I feel like everyone has left me behind and I can't catch up no matter how I try.

I am very positive a lot of the time, however I am human and there are parts of my life that are a complete mess. I wouldn't be here if everything was ok. Hopefully I can fix this problem over time, it's just that I cannot see how at this point.

[NoPoet]

I just wanted to say that I have been in contact with a few members of NMP with regard to this problem and I would like to say there are some wonderful people here. One NMP member is worth any ten other people (or a hundred politicians)!

"I can feel the love in this forum!" ;)

[ElizabethJane]

That is very good to hear Poet. Sometimes it can take a long time to unravel these problems in psychotherapy and hypnotherapy and I have had both. In reply to the other part of your post about leaving others behind. I came to the conclusion that I had to follow a completely different route. I wasn't able to go to university or indeed college at that time. It has taken me years and years to accept myself and my illness. I think that I have finally got there. If others don't like that or me for it then that is their problem and not mine. I know that our problems are different. I am a lot older than you and have been hopspitalised several times because of my depressive illness. I have found my understanding by my acceptance of it.

[fretty freda]

haha u say hi to who u want to it would make me laugh id just say hi

[Jamie_]

Ah man

Constantly feeling lonely which as you said probably accounts for most of why i feel depressed

I'm not lonely in the sense i don't connect with people..long story short, i need me a female

Would probably solve all my problems

[Alicat]

Hi there,

Yes, lonliness is a definite cause of my depression. People just don't get it, especially my parents who say 'but you have lots of friends', but it's one thing having people around you and another feeing like they understand and 'get you'

Last time I had a counselling appoint, the counsellor concluded I want a relationship as I just don't feel complete.

Have a hug Psychopoet :hugs:

[NoPoet]

Looks like this "loneliness" thing has struck a chord... maybe as a species, the more we "reach out" the lonelier it makes us feel. I don't know why yet, but I will one day, and as usual I will share it with everyone else :D

I thought that tackling the relationships issue would be simple and pleasant. In reality it's been like opening Pandora's Box: full of unexpected horror!!

Overall though I think I have come out of it stronger, more motivated, and I think I and my friends understand one another better for it.

And I've got a date which I have had to postpone til Saturday night cos my ladyfriend has got a cold!

I don't know if this means anything in the bigger picture, but I intend to treat her with respect and friendship. See if I can't put just a little happiness into the world. NMP seems to be a female-dominated site, so where better to try and prove that men can be kind and decent?

Oh, and if I can get a date, ANYONE can. Trust me on this!!