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View Full Version : Depersonalization / Derealization



johnboyd
12-08-09, 03:38
i started having DP/DR 14 months ago. I did experience a different version of it while i was high on weed and ecstasy. I remember one time when i did ecstasy i got a panic attack thinking i was going to die. I spent two hours on bed just waiting for my hear to stop pounding. Well obviously it never happened but that was the very time i experienced something like DP/DR. I woke up the day after and it just went away. I also used to get this weird feeling very similar to DP/DR when i smoked weed. It wouldn't happen when i first started but the more i smoke the more i got the dreamy feeling in my high from the pot. It all became chronic about 11 months ago when i got a panic attack out of no where. It was a year after i quit doing ecstasy and smoking weed. So it was kind of weird and when i got a panic attack for no reason. I remember when i first got it i felt really bad for a month and started to feel better for a week or so and after that bang it just came back until today. I can't recall having a day and feeling normal. This has been really bothering me in the past few months. I feel like im kind of losing it. I can't have a normal relationship with my girlfriend. I can't go out with friends, because i just dont enjoy being out and feeling like im dreaming. I have read a lot of posts both on here and other forums on people having it for years and sometimes for their whole lives and thinking about that just makes me lose it. I want to feel normal and feel the real world again. I just dont know what to do. I just wanted to post this because i was really having a bad night and wanted to let it all out.

Is there anyone in here that got DP/DR 24/7 for a year and got cured?

Sometimes i think maybe if i change my lifestyle it would make things better but every time i start doing so something happens. Well to be honest i dont have a regular sleep pattern. Most the time i go to bed at 3-5 am and wake up around 1pm. I wake up eat a bowl of cereal and i wont have anything to eat until 5-6pm. Most of the time i spend my time sitting behind the computer and if i go out i usually go to see my girlfriend for 3-4 hours but as you can guess i just feel like sh*t because i feel like shes not even real nor am i. I also dont exercise and im kind of underweight for my age and height. I tried fixing my lifestyle for a week like started exercising, eating 3-4 meals a day, eating vegetables lots of water and it didnt help. To be honest it just made it even worse. I just feel like this is not the reason im stuck in this DP/DR. When i had school my schedule was kind of better. i used to eat better and sleep better but i still had the DP/DR constantly.

It does seem like i suffer from anxiety. Because i do get a lot of muscle twitches and sharp pain in my body. I sometimes think i have some sort of other problems like MS, stomach cancer and other deadly diseases. I guess i have a severe health anxiety as well. Well my university is going to start in 3 weeks and i just feel like i can't do it like this. Im seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks but i dont really want to go on medications.

I sometimes even think what i have is not DP/DR. Like its so hard for me to explain and sometimes i can't find any posts that exactly describe how i feel. I feel like im alone on this. I go out and im driving and i feel like all these cars passing by are pictures, and people feel solid, trees feel like a painting, when i look at my girlfriend i feel like shes empty, solid, doll. I also noticed if i dont wear my sun glasses my DP/DR is 100 times worse. Drinking doesnt help with my symptoms as well. In the past year i have only drank two times and both time my DP/DR got worse. Nothing helps.

JonnyUK
17-08-09, 04:29
(EDIT : just re-read your post after me posting this and noticed you mention reading other peoples experiences of having it for ages makes you sad, so please don't read this is in a downer of a mood at the time)

My problems started 11 years ago, 1 year after I gave up drugs (speed, acid, pot). One of my worse problems, still to this day, is derealisation, you do get used to it but it is hell of annoying. My life is much the same as yours, go to bed at 5am, get up at 1pm, spend time on PC, lie in bed, feel like crap. When out and about I feel like I am in a living dream, as though still on a trip. Nothing seems fully real.

I think I suffer from anxiety and depression, but never been diagnosed by a professional. I cry at simple things, nothing much seems to matter and my life seems to be the same today as I feel it will be in 10 years time, I have no future vision, just regrets and wish to get to the next day as quickly as possible. I rarely ever feel proper happiness, if someone asks me to go somewhere with them I consider it a chore rather than something fun. A holiday would be something I dread rather than look forward to. I just seem to want to live in a cocooned world in my house with my computer for company. My sleep is erratic and it is 4.25am now and I will still probably be up for another 2 hours. I wake up feeling more tired then I went to bed on, even though I get 7+ hours sleep. A month flies by quicker than it used to and when I look back to 3 years ago I do the same as I do now, nothing, very bleak. My neck and shoulders ache so much that it brings me down, I have a constant dull ache in the forehead, I feel spaced out and light headed all the time.

Now that has really cheered you up hasn't it :) However, don't worry too much, as I am probably the exception to the rule, I am sure many get over the DR feeling, I am just the unlucky one no doubt. Also bare in mind I have never had any anxiety tablets, they may cure me if went for help about my problem more then I have done. Just like you though, I don't want to take tablets due to the worry of dependency and side effects. Go for it though, get yourself out of the rut as soon as you can, I am 11 years in and wish I had done something sooner. If you don't try medicene you could end up like me in 10 years time, and you wont want that, believe me.