bassplayer
12-08-09, 23:26
I've been really really down the last few days and couldn't shake it off.
Today I somewhat unwisely with hindsight suggested a family walk with hubby, my parents and my son and his girlfriend, my son made a remark which he thought was funny but I could see it had upset my dad and that was the last straw for me, I'd already been struggling to appear happy but then I felt like piggy in the middle (as per usual) and I just flipped, said nothing and stormed back to the car.
Hubby brought me home but I just got back in the car and went off on my own and spent a blissfull day (6 hours) with some cows in a field, I was so happy there, the cows were such characters and let me feed them grass and they're so beautiful close up, I really didn't want to leave but knew I'd have to when it got to 7pm.
I came home (wish I hadn't tho) and got a 'telling off' and had to apologise to everyone even tho it's sorta everyone's fault that I'm like this, I did it for a quiet life tho, it's so much easier to grovel than stick up for myself and I've discovered a new coping strategy that makes me feel better anyway.
I just wanted a rant that everyone says depression is an illness therefore I'm the one that's so called ill and yet I have to apologise for it constantly, do people with broken legs, etc have to apologise all the time, I think not!!
Am I being unreasonable, I never know these days?
Today I somewhat unwisely with hindsight suggested a family walk with hubby, my parents and my son and his girlfriend, my son made a remark which he thought was funny but I could see it had upset my dad and that was the last straw for me, I'd already been struggling to appear happy but then I felt like piggy in the middle (as per usual) and I just flipped, said nothing and stormed back to the car.
Hubby brought me home but I just got back in the car and went off on my own and spent a blissfull day (6 hours) with some cows in a field, I was so happy there, the cows were such characters and let me feed them grass and they're so beautiful close up, I really didn't want to leave but knew I'd have to when it got to 7pm.
I came home (wish I hadn't tho) and got a 'telling off' and had to apologise to everyone even tho it's sorta everyone's fault that I'm like this, I did it for a quiet life tho, it's so much easier to grovel than stick up for myself and I've discovered a new coping strategy that makes me feel better anyway.
I just wanted a rant that everyone says depression is an illness therefore I'm the one that's so called ill and yet I have to apologise for it constantly, do people with broken legs, etc have to apologise all the time, I think not!!
Am I being unreasonable, I never know these days?