Ti
13-08-09, 08:18
Hello everybody,
just like many of you I have suffered from anxiety/panic/health anxiety on and off for years. I think it started in my childhood... but then it would go away and then reappear during stressful/emotional times I guess. Right now, at age 24, I'm in one of those phases again. Relatively recent emotional events have caused me to spiral into this phase again. This one seems to be very bad, as rarely a day goes by that I don't feel light-headed, dizzy, have chest pain, headaches, nausea, tingling in the extremities or stomach aches.
I work at a hospital and during a regular workday, I'm ready to check into the ER at least 5 times a day. But then I talk myself out of it, tell myself I'm okay and probably am not dying of a terrible disease and go on with my day. However, sometimes my symptoms appear out of nowhere... sometimes when I'm (or think that I'm) relaxed and having a great time. Then I get so angry and I don't understand why it's happening and attribute it to some kind of illness again since there is no reason to be panicking at that time! Sometimes it even gets me in my sleep. I wake up several times during the night, I don't remember when I slept a whole night through.
Anyway, I have been dealing with this, mostly quietly and on my own, confiding in a few friends and somehow I'm getting through without any professional help. (I have become very depressed and angry at myself though.)
HOWEVER--I recently applied to grad school in Germany and was accepted. It has been my goal to move back there ever since I moved to the US (9 years ago)...but now I'm completely terrified! I am so afraid to follow my dream because of this anxiety problem! I have never lived on my own, let alone thousands of miles away from my family! I'm so scared to leave and be alone with my fears and panic attacks and depression. I will be living alone in a 3-bedroom apartment. I know there is no way I should let this opportunity slip--but I have no idea how I'm going to deal with panic once I'm over there, living alone. I cannot imagine what kinds of terrors (especially at night) may await me. :shrug:
I guess I am hoping that some of you, who have experienced the same fears, can give me some advice, hope, or reassurance.
Thanks in advance!
Ti
just like many of you I have suffered from anxiety/panic/health anxiety on and off for years. I think it started in my childhood... but then it would go away and then reappear during stressful/emotional times I guess. Right now, at age 24, I'm in one of those phases again. Relatively recent emotional events have caused me to spiral into this phase again. This one seems to be very bad, as rarely a day goes by that I don't feel light-headed, dizzy, have chest pain, headaches, nausea, tingling in the extremities or stomach aches.
I work at a hospital and during a regular workday, I'm ready to check into the ER at least 5 times a day. But then I talk myself out of it, tell myself I'm okay and probably am not dying of a terrible disease and go on with my day. However, sometimes my symptoms appear out of nowhere... sometimes when I'm (or think that I'm) relaxed and having a great time. Then I get so angry and I don't understand why it's happening and attribute it to some kind of illness again since there is no reason to be panicking at that time! Sometimes it even gets me in my sleep. I wake up several times during the night, I don't remember when I slept a whole night through.
Anyway, I have been dealing with this, mostly quietly and on my own, confiding in a few friends and somehow I'm getting through without any professional help. (I have become very depressed and angry at myself though.)
HOWEVER--I recently applied to grad school in Germany and was accepted. It has been my goal to move back there ever since I moved to the US (9 years ago)...but now I'm completely terrified! I am so afraid to follow my dream because of this anxiety problem! I have never lived on my own, let alone thousands of miles away from my family! I'm so scared to leave and be alone with my fears and panic attacks and depression. I will be living alone in a 3-bedroom apartment. I know there is no way I should let this opportunity slip--but I have no idea how I'm going to deal with panic once I'm over there, living alone. I cannot imagine what kinds of terrors (especially at night) may await me. :shrug:
I guess I am hoping that some of you, who have experienced the same fears, can give me some advice, hope, or reassurance.
Thanks in advance!
Ti