My Story!

[marcc64]

Hi all, i have posted here before but never really told anyone my full story about my anxiety so here goes.

Well I am 18 and have had anxiety most my life but it was on and off never really had any physical symptoms with it until recently. My mum passed away with breast cancer when i was 2 years old ( i don't really have any memory of her) my dad raised me and my brother and sister from that age by him self. I have always had problems trusting girls in relationships ect. (maybe my own insecurity) anyway about 5 years ago i had some breathing issues which ended up with me going the the A&E, once there they done a chest x-ray which was normal, they said i might have anxiety and told passed on the info to my doc. At that time i never knew really what anxiety was and thought it meant i was depressed, i said to my self "I don't have anxiety". I went to my doc soon after and he didn't really bother talking about the anxiety, instead he was talking about another problem i had at the time (this is really embarrassing, i used to wet the bed right up til i was 14-15 :( and that was what he wanted to talk to me about rather than the anxiety)


So after the visit to the doc I went home and things with my breathing calmed down, I never really thought about it anymore and got on with my life. I got kicked out of school in year 9 (regret it now) and was out of school for a year, I got back into a school for people that have been expelled in year 10. At that school i started getting panic attacks walking home (difficult breathing, heart racing ect) and the feeling of running kicked in and i ran home. I was quite happy at the time tho, soon after that in the summer of 07 i meet a really nice girl :D i started seeing her and i was really happy. around the end of 08 she feel pregnant, me and her wanted to keep it but her mum made her get it aborted :( so she ended up doing it. I couldn't even go with her to the clinic because her mum thought i never even knew. I think that kicked off my bad anxiety, ever since that day i started getting these feelings most days.


Of course the abortion started causing problems in our relationship and at the beginning of 09 we broke up, we got back together two weeks later for a couple of months but yet again it didn't work out :( so that was our last time together. A week later i found out she was with another guy which really messed with my head. I put on a brave face with my mates but every night i got home i cried my eyes out. Ever since then these physical symptoms became worse and worse and was present 24/7. Breathing problems, muscle twitching, heart flutters, eye issues, you name it i had it. Once again i went to A&E thinking i had a serious illness, this time they done an ECG then a chest x-ray and found nothing wrong with me, so then they done blood tests which were also fine. they then let me go home telling me to see my doc. A week later i went to see my doc (this was a new doc by the way) I told her about my issues and other stuff and basically she told me to deal with it and relax. These feeling still have not gone all together and now i worry about my health 24/7 every day thinking i have a serious illness, brain tumor, ALS, MS, Lung Cancer ect ect.


Sorry about the length of the post lol i just wanted to tell someone my full story and maybe someone could reply advising me on what to do next or maybe tell me there story, i would love to hear anyone with similar problems or just to hear from anyone lol just to know I am not alone.

Thanks for reading. Marc

[allyp82]

Hi Marc,

You are certainly not alone - although i know it can feel like it sometimes. I have also had anxiety since being a young child. Like you it has come and gone, but at the moment it is mega bad and has been for a couple of months. I have so many physical symptoms, chest pain, breating problems, many stomach issues, twitching, nausea, shooting pains all over the body.....and many more.

Your symptoms are so typical of anxiety so i am sure thats is all they are. It is not helpful to be told by a doctor to deal with it and relax!! Have they done any tests on you to rule other stuff out?

My current anxiety is also centred around health worries - and the physical symptoms just make it worse. Even when i don;t feel anxious i still get the physical symptoms which then sets me off on an axiety episode again.

I would speak to your doctor again if you can, or try a different doctor - some are definately more understanding than others They may be able to refer you to some therapy (i have just been referred to counselling) or you may need to try some medication to help for a while. I had tablets when i was 22 and they really helped. I stayed on them for 3 years and then felt ok, so came off last year. but i seem to be worse again. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and i am going to ask to go back on them again for a while i think - i didnt really want to but i have had enough of feeling so rubbish!! And they did help before

You can always PM me if you want to talk further
Take care
Alison x

[chantelle]

You are not alone Marc. I do not have HA but GAD so sympathise but cannot share your feelings - but life will get better - think positively and keep telling yourself that you can cope. Keep giving your unconcious mind positive messages and it will positively effect your behaviour,

Good luck and take care
Chantelle

[marcc64]

Thanks for replying, No, i asked the doc if i could take anything for it and she said because of your age i don't want to put you on any tranquilizers because they are addictive. I once took a Valium tablet when i was feeling really down and it worked really well :) i mean i don't care if they are addictive and have to take them for the rest of my life, as long as this horid anxiety goes away because i am always worried about my health and it makes me feel like not doing anything at all because i sit here and think well i am going to die soon so wtf is the point in trying to make an effort with anything? of course i don't want to feel like that because i am soon starting my second year at college and i know if i still feel like this i will drop out and wont be able to work :( I am only 18 i should not be feeling like this all the time, i should be out enjoying life not sitting at home all day on the pc looking at health boards :(

Thanks for replying anyway :)

[allyp82]

Hi marc,

Just a quick note to say that tablets aren't always the answer.... However, sometimes they really do help, and there are plenty of medications available that are not tranquilizers and are not addictive - my doctor this morning has prescribed me citalopram - which is a common one - i first had these at the age of 22 and they really helped me so much. I agree that tranquilizers are not the way to go, but there are other options, which i think your GP should at least advise you on! Different medication are good for different people, but if you are feeling so awful all the time, then the doctor should be making a few more suggestions for you i think

best wishes

Alison x:hugs:

[allyp82]

p.s i think you should try a different doctor who may be a bit more understanding! x