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cool4cats
05-10-05, 12:08
I'm hoping that someone on here can help me with a very difficult situation I am trying to deal with right now. I don't know where else to go so am hoping that you may be able to help.

The problem is with my husband, he has always been a bit OTT when it comes to his health although he is extremely rational and supportive with anyone else's problems. He has previously worried about testicular cancer, brain tumour, bowel cancer etc etc.

He has been having some blood tests on his liver due to an unrelated problem and they have thrown up some levels which are not in the normal range. He has been refered to a consultant and is going to see someone ina couple of months.

He is convinced (after reading on the internet which I have told him not to do again) that he has cancer and is going to die (he is 30), he is extremely depressed and has lost interest in everything, he barely smiles and everything is a huge effort for him. He doesn't want to talk about anything apart from this and anything I say is related back to his health worries. It is all he can talk about. If he is on his own while I am at work he sits and worries about it. It is basically ruining our lives. I end up in tears every night.

Don't get me wrong I do have concerns about his health but am sure (as is his GP) that it is nothing serious as he has no other symptoms. I am so worried and stressed about his irrational behaviour that it is starting to make me ill. I don't know how to handle it! We live quite a distance from both our families and although mine are aware of the situation - I had to talk to someone - I don't think his realise how difficult it is.

I grew up in a family where we have had serious health issues to deal with (my Mum had breast cancer and is still here to tell the tale) and so perhaps I am more aware that just because there is a problem it doesn't mean a death sentance. Those of you who have problems with health anxiety, how do your partners deal with it because I am at the end of my tether!!

buffybot
05-10-05, 12:27
The liver can give odd results for a number of reasons..it can be down to his life style,does he drink? smoke? or take any meds? stress over a time can produce abnormal results as can being diabetic.
A virus can cause problems with the liver or even a poor diet.At 30 his chances of cancer are low if he has a fairly healthy life style so he should not worry as it always seems that those who think they have cancer rarely do and those who never think about it are the ones who often get it! sods law ;)

cool4cats
05-10-05, 14:12
Hi Buffy

No drinking for 2 months (prior to that only moderately), no smoking, pretty healthy diet. He was taking Cinnarizine for motion sickness for a period due to panic attacks and dizzy spells but stopped this when the first result came back raised (about 2 months ago).

Personally I think it is a virus which caused the dizziness and which is still holding on. Unfortunately he does not see it that way and is convinced that he is going to die.

I am just finding it hard to know how to deal with it. I am generally quite a positive person and I know I wouldn't deal with this in the same way as he is. It is very hard to stay positive when someone is talking gloom and despair.

Meg
05-10-05, 14:20
Hi,

Health anxiety can be extremely debilitating as there seems to be nothing you can say or do that eases it.

Has he read http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/healthanxiety.htm

CBT therapy can also help meet these fears head on and challenge each one.

Surfing the net is absolutely the worst thing he can do. He will always find the worst case scenario on there which will fuel him further.

Distraction is so important and proving the good and healthy things in life still exist- out with nature , hobbies, exercise etc







Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

cool4cats
05-10-05, 15:21
Thanks Meg

I don't think that he would admit that this is the problem, he thinks it is a real worry rather than him just being over-anxious.

I agree with the distraction idea, unfortunately he has so completely let the fear take over his life that he seems unable to enjoy anything at all. I try to distract him from talking about it by changing the subject but then he accuses me of not caring about what is happening to him.

What is CBT Therapy?

Hannahlou84
05-10-05, 17:24
CBT is Cognitive-Behavioural therapy.

It works on looking at the way you think (cognition) and changing it, and then implementing it, and changing the way you behave. I think that's the simple way of explaining it!

I hope this helps,
Hannah

"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"

Meg
05-10-05, 17:54
Can you get him out and actually doing stuff , making something, fixing something eetc.

www.nomorepanic.co.uk Therapy page

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

Phill2
06-10-05, 01:22
Hi Cool
Good to read your post cause now I can understand how my wife must feel.She complains about me but won't go into depth about how it's affecting her
Phill

Don't believe everything you think

cool4cats
06-10-05, 09:35
I have tried to get him doing stuff but he just has no interest in it. Or he stops in the middle of doing something sighs and says that he can't concentrate, he has plenty to do as we are still renovating our house and he is writing a PhD it is just that he has no motivation at the moment as he thinks nothing is worthwhile.

Hi Jullip, your wife is probably feeling much the same as I am, frustrated, angry, emotional. I am trying to keep a lid on it as I don't want to add to his concerns but it is eating me up!! At least you seem to recognise that you have a problem, this seems to be a big step!!

CBT sounds like it might be helpful, he certainly needs to change his behaviour around how he deals with this kind of thing, I can't go through my life living like this and I'm sure that he can't either.