Just having a moan

[Tracy68]

Hi
I haven't been on this site for ages. Well since May, and as some of you know I got married that month. Wellllllllll i'm unhappy.

Hope you're all sitting comfortably, this could be a long post.

I'm not sure where to start to be honest. When I got married John promised me everything would be ok and i believed him. Without going over old ground.... John's suffers with social phobias and agrophobia.
But for the last two months things haven't been great. There's hardly any communication anymore and it's totally non existent between him and my two girls which they've picked up on. I have tried talking to him about this but as usual i'm nagging and reading more into it.

He has gone to work this week for the first time since he came back (which was end of april this year). So as you can imagine the money side of things hasn't been good. It's only my wage we survive on (well that and working tax) and again when i've approached him about working before he manages to turn it around to be my fault, that i'm spending too much etc etc. I can't even afford to have my hair cut (six months ago was last time). I just feel so down in the dumps and the slightest thing has me in tears. All my old syptoms are coming back and I know if I go to the doctors he'll just prescribe happy pills and I don't really want to go there. The ectopic beats and pains in my arms are the worst at the moment.

I guess by writing things down it might make me feel a bit better. Really there's alot more to it all but I think i'd still be typing away at midnight lol.

Don't get me wrong I love the guy to bits but just feel that I can't carry on much longer.

Sorry to have gone on.

Tracy
xxxx

[Hannahlou84]

Hi Tracy,

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. It sounds like the problem may be with John, and not you. It is a bit of a sticky situation because whatever you say to him will be wrong. You don't need happy pills if that's not what you want, you need someone to talk too, do you have anyone?

Perhaps, even though it is early stages, it might be worth considering marriage counselling just to enable you both to let things out with someone else being there? It won't mean you have failed, the opposite really, that rather than ignoring the problem you are facing up to it?

Hope things start to look up now he is working again, that may have been another factor which was making him unhappy really? Maybe?

Take care,
Hannah

"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"

[tracyp584]

hi Tracy,

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. I agree with Hannah, and think maybe you should try finding some outside help?

Theres obviously a lot of other stuff going on, but surely if you love him, and he loves you, thats gotta be good foundations to try building on?


tracy x x



Every time you avoid your fears they become stronger,every time you face your fears they become weaker.

[Meg]

Tracy,

Sounds like you might have moved on and progressed enormously with your previous issues and he hasn't and is not doing as well as you and thus that brings a new balance in the house that you weren't expecting.




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Tracy68]

Thanks for your replies.

Hannah.....No don't really have anyone to talk to, I think some people may say I told you so....you know the type. As for counselling, I've already mentioned this to him (he also has other issues going back to when he was a child) but he says its a waste of time.

Tracy.....I think you maybe right about the work situation, he has said he hates relying on me all the time, but he's one of those people who just clams up when it comes to talking about things.

Meg.....I certainly did feel that I have moved on, considering how I was feeling a few months ago. Now just feel I've taken one step forward and three back and that annoys me because I felt I had done really well.

Could it be there's a bit of jealousy from his point??
Today hasn't been as bad with regards to the ectopics and arm pain, but I seem to be grasping my hands all the time....does anyone else do this? Just seems an odd symtom.

Thanks for listening
Tracy
xxxxx

[Meg]

Yes, of course he may be jealous or envious of al. your progress.

Interesting that he *promised me everything would be ok and i believed him*

Seems roles have been reversed somewhat these days.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Hannahlou84]

I hope that John starts to make some progress soon, for your sake, so that you can move on together.

I clasp my hands together a lot, I am ALWAYS fiddling with something, especially when I am people. For me I do it when I am anxious, but I wouldn't worry too much if you are dealing with it though.

Hannah

"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"