feeling bad

[vixstar]

god, i am sick of trying!!! i am so cnfused and just dont know what to do with myself. (as usual really...)

i got into trouble at work the other day as i have had fove days off work, please bear in mud i started there in decemeber and it is october now, they are aware of the problems that i am having. i had two days off in may i think as i had a mega migraine and then three days the other week as the doctor told me i had to stop otherwise i would make myself worse! grrr. so i tool the time offf, explained to work and then three weeks later i get into trouble for it.... it makes me angry, i try to be honest and i am trying my best and then i get into trouble... now i am worried that i am going to have a panic attack or something and have to take time off and then i will get into more trouble, thus making myself worse...

on the other hand i am in my third week of college and i am enjoying it and finding it all very interesting. yesterday after i got off the bus i felt like i was completely out of my depth and just wanted to be at home, but i just carried on and refused to let the feeling take over me. i ended up a having a good day.

today i have founnd out my mum is in hospital so i am worrying about that, i was going to go out tonight for the first time in a few weeks but i am not sure what to do...

i have booked my first homepath appointment for a week on tues. i am also still seeing my psychotherpaist, he thinks that i am pushing myself too hard, i think i am worrying that if i take time to relax i am never giong to start again.....


sorry for going on and on.....

vik x x

[buffybot]

Hi Vixstar

The problem with work is it is all about money money and even more money these days...they (boss) etc don't give a dame about the human side of people and just want their monies worth from you.
If your sick God help you .Have you thought about going self employed as then you are your own boss and don't have an arse of a boss in control of your day to day health problems ..that is what i did and i think it is one of the best things i ever did :) i work at my pace and i think i am a good boss to myself ;)

Take care

[tammyg]

Hi Vik,
I know it is tough but it does sound like you are doing quite well. ** i just carried on and refused to let the feeling take over me. i ended up a having a good day.
** That's really good! It sounds like you are taking lots of positive steps, give yourself time to adjust. Work are being a pain but don't let them get to you.. you know you are in the right. If the doctor has told you to have time off, they can't argue with that!

Tammy x

[vixstar]

well, i did go out in the end tonight, after my horrid day and again i had lots of fun! it was difficult, i was really dizzy and keep feeling really disconnected from everything. but i carried on and saw my friends and had a good dance, i am glad that i went out.

and my mum is doing ok, went to see her in the hospital which was awful, really HOT and busy, i managed to stay for about 15 minutes, it was good to see that she was doing ok.

anyway i really should try to get some sleep otherwise i am going to be in no state for work.

[Meg]

Excellent Vixstar.

Welldone indeed for going pout and carying one as normal.

Hope all continues to go well with your Mum.




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
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