vixstar
06-10-05, 18:46
god, i am sick of trying!!! i am so cnfused and just dont know what to do with myself. (as usual really...)
i got into trouble at work the other day as i have had fove days off work, please bear in mud i started there in decemeber and it is october now, they are aware of the problems that i am having. i had two days off in may i think as i had a mega migraine and then three days the other week as the doctor told me i had to stop otherwise i would make myself worse! grrr. so i tool the time offf, explained to work and then three weeks later i get into trouble for it.... it makes me angry, i try to be honest and i am trying my best and then i get into trouble... now i am worried that i am going to have a panic attack or something and have to take time off and then i will get into more trouble, thus making myself worse...
on the other hand i am in my third week of college and i am enjoying it and finding it all very interesting. yesterday after i got off the bus i felt like i was completely out of my depth and just wanted to be at home, but i just carried on and refused to let the feeling take over me. i ended up a having a good day.
today i have founnd out my mum is in hospital so i am worrying about that, i was going to go out tonight for the first time in a few weeks but i am not sure what to do...
i have booked my first homepath appointment for a week on tues. i am also still seeing my psychotherpaist, he thinks that i am pushing myself too hard, i think i am worrying that if i take time to relax i am never giong to start again.....
sorry for going on and on.....
vik x x
i got into trouble at work the other day as i have had fove days off work, please bear in mud i started there in decemeber and it is october now, they are aware of the problems that i am having. i had two days off in may i think as i had a mega migraine and then three days the other week as the doctor told me i had to stop otherwise i would make myself worse! grrr. so i tool the time offf, explained to work and then three weeks later i get into trouble for it.... it makes me angry, i try to be honest and i am trying my best and then i get into trouble... now i am worried that i am going to have a panic attack or something and have to take time off and then i will get into more trouble, thus making myself worse...
on the other hand i am in my third week of college and i am enjoying it and finding it all very interesting. yesterday after i got off the bus i felt like i was completely out of my depth and just wanted to be at home, but i just carried on and refused to let the feeling take over me. i ended up a having a good day.
today i have founnd out my mum is in hospital so i am worrying about that, i was going to go out tonight for the first time in a few weeks but i am not sure what to do...
i have booked my first homepath appointment for a week on tues. i am also still seeing my psychotherpaist, he thinks that i am pushing myself too hard, i think i am worrying that if i take time to relax i am never giong to start again.....
sorry for going on and on.....
vik x x