10 years on..

[buffybot]

It's been 10 years now since my girlfriend was raped and killed by her ex boyfriend and it does not get any easier that is for sure. I really am sick that 10 years have gone where we have missed out on each other who knows what could have been by now,
I could have been a married man with a kid or two and been like any other man of my age but that was not to be. If Julia had died of an illness or died from an accident even thougth that is bad enough i could have accepted it more, she died at the hands of another just like so many today you read about [V] what a world we live in.
But Thank God there are more good people about than bad like the good souls here on this site who are special and good people. I feel sad because last month it was 10 years ago since she died and i feel soul destroyed as much as ever, it will never go away the pain and damage not now :( sorry all for the self pity.
I have really been feeling anger lately and i felt that i needed to say something before i burst open with stress, is there anyone else out there who lost a loved one to this way? may be we could exchange information etc and try to find peace somehow in this living nightmare.PM me if you wish.

[Antipodes]

buffybot,

I'm replying to your post because it's been unanswered and it's been there a while. I do not have the words to assuage how you are feeling. It is a truly catestrophic situation you are trying to live with and I am so very sorry that this happened and that you've had to live with this grieving for all this time.

I don't feel competent to comment on your post especially since my PTSD was caused by me being the victim.

I take it you have PTSD? In other forums people often do not explore the issues concerning causal event or events, rather focussing on how they are coping, how they are feeling and thinking.

I offer you my compassion and support in focussing on the PTSD, how that is affecting you and what options you can explore by way of recovering from this situation - therapy (psychologists/psychiatrists), medications, sharing of information resources (URL's for other help and information sites) and support.

In all other ways, I feel inadequate because your pain is very real and it is very personal. I sincerely hope you can recover from this soon - your grieving has been a long and painful experience and I am so sorry.

I wish I could say more, but I am well intentioned anyway.
sincerely
Antipodes

[in1peace]

Hi buffybot,
I have not lost any loved ones this way. But I, like Antipodes, did not want to leave this post unanswered.
This is not self-pity! It is not uncommon to revisit grief over someone who was taken away from you. It is a healthy thing to do. Sometimes it helps to commemorate your loved one in some way. Do you visit her grave or have any special things that you continue doing that you used to share with her? Or maybe do something that you would have done had she not passed away, that maybe she would have wanted you to not stop doing because of her death? Maybe take some time to write her a letter and tie it to a helium balloon, sending it up to her? You might think this is silly.. but my family does this when we have someone pass away.
I always ask God for a sign that my loved one's spirit is still with me, whenever someone close to me dies, and I always seem to get one. That is always my way of dealing with the grief.
If you ever need someone to PM or chat with, send me a note. I know I won't understand what you are going through, but you can talk about things if you need to.
Hope you find some peace.
Andrea

[buffybot]

Thank you both so much.....may be it was not a good thing to post such a post as there is no answer i should know that after all this time and no one can do miracles well not often anyway.
It is that anniversaries act like demon reminders and that killing of that young model in Croydon amongst others lately have just got the better of me as it feels so bad not being able to stop these evil people destroying ever more people and famalies.
I have to live with it just like eveyone else does or i will go bonkers if i don't...what else can you do? my dad was in world war ii and some of the things he saw while in Burma and india sholud really remind me that life is bad as well as good and that is how it will be i guess until we all meet our maker.
Anyway thanks to you both and i will see you about on these boards and i hope i will be in a better mood soon to cheer ppls up rather than to :( despite the awfulness i have seen there have been some good things since so it can't be all that bad ;)

[aussiegirl]

what a sad,sad situation :( i really,really feel for you buffybot [^] i can only agree with antipodes that you must get attention,such as meds,psychiatric help etc as it will eat you away otherwise [}:)] good luck.we're all with you :D

PTSD sufferer 2 yrs
married mummy to 3 kids

[kazo]

hi buffybot

I know how you feel to a certain extent. I had a best friend that I met in nursery school, we went through infants and were inseperable, we went through the juniors together until she moved to america. So at the age of 11 i had lost my best friend, sister. that was a very emotional period of my life but worse was to come. She wrote to me 3 weeks after her move she seemed quite settled even though i wasn't. But 2 days after her letter i was watching the news and there she was her picture all over the screen. She had taken rubbish to the dump 5 mins from her apartment and was found the next day in with the rubbish raped and murdered.

I will never forget that day and every year since (21 yrs) I think of her on the anniversary of her death and feel the loss over and over again.

But the only way i have got through it is everything i do i think if only she could see me now she would be proud of me.

Kazo xxx

[lfb]

xxxxxx not sure what to say it made me cry reading your post xxxxx