Partner suffers from HA - I'm new to this & would really appreciate some advice...

[LB]

Hi - I'm new to this & would really appreciate some help/advice...

My boyfriend is 23 and suffers from HA and depression and it is incredibly difficult :weep: Since his first anxiety attack earlier this year he has little enthusiasm for anything & has completley isolated himelsf & more or less shut down.

I find it so hard seeing how this has hit him & watching him get frustrated & so down & would really be grateful if anyone could offer me any advice or words of wisdom - I just want to know what I can do to help & and support him better...

Thanks a mil

- Lisa

[Thumbelina]

i think if you spend some time reading as much as you can on this site you will find many answers to your questions.

This site is a powerfull tool

wish you the best

[girlrock]

LB,

Let me just say, "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!" for researching this illness as a partner to someone who is suffering from it. It is sooo hard for our families and partners to understand what we are going through sometimes because our fears seem irrational to most people. It would help all of us out so much if more partners were like you :)

The best advice I could give you for your relationship would be to support, support, support. Don't get scared, too. Don't ever agree with your partner when they say they think they have a new illness (my boyfriend entertained a few of my illness ideas and it didn't help much). I'm not saying to cast it off either. Encourage your partner to see a doctor but tell him that you seriously doubt he has this or that. Even give him reasons WHY you don't think he has a certain illness. Maybe tell him "If you are really worried, why don't you call the doctor tomorrow?" in a nice way, of course. Also, during anxiety attacks...be as supportive as possible. If he doesn't want to be touched--don't touch! If he needs to be held--then hold. My anxiety attacks were mostly like "Don't touch me, don't talk to me, I'll get through this by myself." But not everyone is like that.

Also, encourage him not to Google health symptoms. When I started trying to break away from this, I talked about it with my boyfriend and told him I wasn't going to Google anymore. When I had the urge, I said to him "I really need to Google!!!!" and he would say "DON'T DO IT! You know you will just worry yourself all night!" and that was really a tremendous amount of support for me.

Again, thank you so so much for seeking help and advice as the role of a partner. I wish my boyfriend would have done this on his own a long time ago...maybe we would have escaped a lot of mid-anxiety-attack arguments.

[LB]

Thumbalina - thanks for the advice, I have found some posts on here that are quite insightful & have helped me to get to grips with it a little better...

Girlrock - thank you ever so much for the reply. To be honest it's the mood swings that I am finding unbearable at the moment, although he talks to me, he doesn't tell me the full extent of his emotions & he gets short tempered & very nasty very quickly if I don't understand right there & then.

I nipped the googling symptoms in the bud about a month and a half ago - it got to the point where he would have me up until the eary hours in a state over it looking with him & it really was becoming an unhealthy obsession - he now know talks about any symptom a little more rationally & we are able to make a decision if its worthy of going to the doctors - although the worry never leaves him - he knows that if he thinks its extremley serious to make the call & if he doesn't, but works himself up I have no hesitation in calling the emergency doctor out or taking him to hospital - for his peace of mind.

Luckily he has found this brilliant network of support here on NMP which allows him to express himself without feeling as self conscious, I guess talking to people who relate to your every emotion is alot easier & reassuring that your not the only one who is suffering with this illness - especially when its coming from a very proud guy.

He has seen a hypnotherapist to help control his negative thoughts & turn them into positive & learnt breathing techniques to help subdue his panic attacks, we are just waiting on a block of counselling appointments to come through so that we can help him move onwards & upwards. I'd like to think that by this time next year we are able to accomplish some goals that we have set so we can move forward together - it may help him to focus on the positive things in life or it may be an added pressure - but at the moment who knows, its all baby steps for now!

Thank you again for the response & being an ear to listen - I really appreaciate it - It has really helped me to ask & receive advice & get a little bit off my chest!

Lisa x

"To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy is to set our own conditions to the events of each day.

To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them"

- Ralph Waldo Trine

http://lucymacdonald.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/05/29/new_day.jpg

[girlrock]

Lisa,

All I can really say about the mood swings is that it is extremely frustrating to have this HA. I mean we definitely don't WANT to feel this way. It's different from any other phobia. When you are afraid of heights, driving, or spiders...you can avoid them. But when you are afraid of illness and dying...you are with your body every day. There's no avoiding it or getting away from it. That's really the most frustrating thing. Then to top it off, the majority of people in your life joke about you being a "hypochondriac" and laugh like it's a joke or just tell you to suck it up and get over it. That's why I am so happy that you are so supportive of your partner! :)

I'm glad to hear that he is trying some therapies to work on it. Just continue to support and encourage. I wish you all the luck!!!!