alcoholics

[nic77]

i really dont know how to start this but it has been botheing me for many years and think it has added to my problems to .

my mum drinks way to much and she can become very nasty with it .so far she has been very lucky in the fact she is not having any health problems due to her drinking ,at times i hate her for drinking as she tries to give me advice on how to get better by saying that i should not let my mental illness stop me from doing anything ,also i lke to add my mum has suffered with anxiety and not being able to out for many years and i used to help her out by picking my brother up from school and doing the shopping or going wth her. her drinking got worse after she got married again to cover up her unhappiness and to give her the confidence to go out . in the past years she has gone to the doctor that has told her she hasnt got a drink problem but i think she likes to lie so she can just carry on . my mum also has a great tendcy to judge me for my ocd and she likes to start arguments and when she thinks she is losing she likes to kick me out of her house even when i try to reason with her .

any way you are proberly trying to figure out why im actually bothering writing all this well the reason why is she has had ago at me infront of my duaghter that doesnt see her all that often and i really dont know what to say to her to explain that my mum deosnt really mean it . but she has commented about her drinking to me asking me why she does it

anyway i have gone on for ages now ill shutup and hope that someone will read this


thanks for any advice

[yorkylover]

Hi Nicola and :welcome:
I fully understand how you feel.My brother is 38 and an alcoholic.They can been very nasty selfish people,but at the end of the day its the drink that is the problem.My brother is a totally different person when he has not had a drink and a pleasure to be with.But when he has been drinking he is evil and nasty.He has been in allsorts of trouble with the law,and banned from driving all under the influence of drink.

Your mum is the onyl one who can help herself,and she has got to want help for it to work.
:hugs: :hugs:

[nic77]

thanks for your help and supportive words .my mum is the same after drinking

[yorkylover]

Does she drink all the time?you need to concerntrate on your life hun and your daughters.Its hard I know but they have got to want help.

[Thumbelina]

I am sorry about what you wrote.

My husband is not an alcoholic, but when he drinks allot at weekends he becomes very aggressive and angry the next day, and he can smash things and etc. when he doesnt - he is ok....

But his aggression is drink encouraged.
It doesnt help my GAD. He also makes jokes of me...

I also think that you have to manage to separate your own problems with your mother's drinking problem, as you cant solve them together.

If you want to help her - help yourself first and when you get strong you will try to do somthing about your mam's drinking.

Good luck

[SueBee]

Hi Nicola,

You cant beat your mum's addiction for her. Maybe you need to distance yourself from her for a while and just concentrate on you and your daughter. Tell her what you are doing and its because of her drinking and aggression, it might be the reality check she needs.

There is a group who can help the families of alcoholics, Alanon. I'm sure they would give better advice than I could on how to deal with your situation

Goood luck and take care :)

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

[suzy-sue]

My ex was like this ,he was verbally abusive and violent .He was totally different if he hadnt been drinking .There is only so much you can take ,it wears you down in the end and has a bad effect on your own health .Concentrate on what is of benefit to you and your daughter ,unless she wants help she wont change ,She sounds like she needs a bit of a reality check to make her realise what impact this is having on you .Hopefully it will make her see she needs to address this behaviour once and for all . It sometimes means we have to be cruel to be kind ,but whats the alternative ?.Take care my love and I hope things change for the better eventually .Sue x:hugs:

[amandaj]

im gonig to defend myself on this one alot of people on this forum know i am a drinker, i am not a nasty selfish person even when had a few , i know some can but we are not all like this , i have never drank and drive or anything i have anxiety which is what caused me to turn to drink i am now getting help for this its a little unfair we are all portrayed as bad people for drinking

[Thumbelina]

amanda,

you are not the same

you have admitted the problem and seeked help for it. Those who deny, refuse to seek help and ruin life of close ones - they are the ones it has been reffered to.

you must be very brave and strong person

I bet it is even harder to beat than anxiety.

My psychologist told me that alcoholism is the most difficult addiction to withdraw from - not drugs.

I hope you will beat it sooner than you think

take care

[suzy-sue]

No one Im sure would tar you with the same brush Amandaj. Of course not everyone who has drink related problems is nasty and aggressive .My self I was writing about my own experience to show how I understand how difficult it can be ,and whilst doing so ,offer my support . I have known a few people in my life who have had drink problems ,one in particular was the sweetest person you could ever wish to meet .He would give you his last penny and always had a warm smile and a hug for you ,when he met you .The posts were about someone who is obviously not particularly nice after drink .,and the subsequent problems it is causing her and her daughter .I have always thought what a nice caring person you are ,and wouldnt expect you to be any different when you were drinking .Im sure no one would deliberately want to offend you or anyone else by these posts .But it can be devastating living at the hands of people who dont manage alcohol well . Take care luv SUE xx:hugs:

[amandaj]

hi suzy i know it wasnt aimed at all people who drink just needed to have my say aswell there is good and bad in all people i know alot do get violent with drink im so glad im not one of them though or id have nothing left no husband or kids thank you for reassuring me take care
amandaxxx

[NoPoet]

Hi Amandaj, I have read through this thread and I don't think it tars all alcoholics with the same brush, it was about one or two specific people so don't worry, nobody on here would think any less of members who drink.

[nic77]

im sorry amandaj but i was really just talking about my mum and how she has affected me with her drinking it wasnt meant as a chance to put people down that have a drink problem . there are lots of people out there that have a drink problem and manage to get help to try and sort themselves out so please dont get upset by what i have put

[amandaj]

its fine nicola i over reacted cos im the on the other side of the fence i guess but as i said i do know stroppy horrible who drink and its not nice to know them i hope it all goes well for you with your mumxx

[amandaj]

ty also psychopet just me saying we are not all bad lol

[yorkylover]

I agree with Thumbalina here,not everyone is the same,but my experience with more than one person who drinks is not nice.
As a child I had to put up with someone who drank and was nasty with it and when your a child there isnt alot you can do and no where to hide.:weep:

Now as an adult I have my brother,and they tend to pull the family and them close to them down with them if your not carefull.