View Full Version : A Beautiful Mind...
Hannahlou84
08-10-05, 01:01
This is going to sound really really silly, but I have just watched "A Beautiful Mind" and I am absolutely petrified that I am going the same when and I just don't know it.
Is this what is causing my infatuation with R? Is she even 'real' in the way that I perceive her. I know she exists, but does she exist in the context I know her?
Have actually managed to have a panic attack that was so bad that my friend wanted to call a doctor out....?
I am so so so tired, but this is all just buzzing around in my head. :(
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
Hi Hannah
I'm afraid I haven't seen A Beautiful Mind so I don't know what it is exactly that you are afraid of. What is the film about?
I do think the attachment to R means you fantasise about her a lot and because she is a lecturer and therefore not a personal friend, you don't 'know' her personally. Therefore your imagination fills in all the gaps and turns her into the person you hope for and want her to be. I don't think this means you need to worry about mental illness, if that is what is concerning you. We all build up fantasies of people to certain degrees. It is just the attachment that causes you to focus solely on R.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hannahlou84
08-10-05, 07:40
Hi, Sorry, I was being thick last night, and didn't think about explaining!
The film is based on a man who has loads of success early on in his lecturing career, and later becomes involved in a conspiracy plot-- which isn't what it seems.... Without wrecking the film for people, he's schizophrenic, and I just found all it too disturbing really, with seeing people who aren't there, who try to 'help' him.
I don't need to feel in the gaps with R, she is so perfect that I don't need too. I'm scared that she's not real and this is even stupider than it seems.
The other thing is, I talk to this person, (who I know I created), called Katie... the thing is though, all the her problems are the same and she deals with most of them in the same way, it all feels so different, and I', like, 'Katie said this'... Don't think I'm going to be sharing this any time soon--mainly cos I hate how basically anything I do drastically wrong, they're going to contact my parents... :(
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
Hi Hannah
I don't think you need to worry about being like the person in this film. You KNOW R is real and all that is happening is you are fantasising about being with her and her helping you. This doesn't mean you are going mad, or become ill with schizophrenia. This is just the power of suggestion.
Who do you think is going to contact your parents and why? There is no need for this from what I can see.
You are experiencing problems with obsessive attachment, depression and anxiety, most of which your parents already know don't they? Even if they do choose to ignore it.
As for 'Katie', this sound like just another way of dealing with the stress you are experiencing and meeting your need to have someone to help you. I don't personally think it is anything to be worrying about.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hannahlou84
08-10-05, 18:12
The person I met with today calls me Katie.. It isn't any nicer really, I am still a complete retarded person when I am her..
I'm just scared that I am going to say or do too much, like when I mess around with tablets, and then they will contact my parents.
Is the noise in my head anxiety or something else? I don't know anymore.
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
Hannahlou84,
I've seen "A Beautiful Mind" too and it made me waver in my faith in myself. Thankfully, the big anxiety/panic thing is starting to settle and I feel like my imagination ran wild with me.
What meds are you taking right now?
"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)
Hannahlou84
08-10-05, 19:02
I'm not taking any at the moment, I stopped Seroxat/Paxil about a month ago.
I don't want to admit these fears elsewhere at the moment, incase they're unfounded! lol
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
Did your Dr. tell you to stop taking them or did you just choose to? I'm thinking that it would be helpful to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for what you are going through. Sometimes trauma takes us places we can't get out of without some assistance. Do you have PTSD also?
"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)
Hannahlou84
08-10-05, 19:22
No, my Dr. didn't tell me to stop taking them exactly, not the way I did, but the dose was making me agitated (her words, afterwards), and also I was experiencing blackouts.
I don't suffer with PTSD, no. Just anxiety, depression and elements of OCD, I think.
Am I nuts?
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
I would not ever, ever accuse anyone of being nuts! LOL! Hannahlou!! :D
I see a psychiatrist and psychologist too! I'm speaking from personal experience that has helped me tremendously!
The blackouts are much more serious and you should be getting assistance with that.
Hoping for the best!
"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)
Hannahlou84
08-10-05, 19:36
Hee hee. It's how I describe myself atm!
I am seeing a therapist soon (providing I go back on medication, which I don't want too!)
The mental health nurse is dealing with the psychiatrist for me atm...
And, the blackouts stopped when I stopped the medication, thankfully.
I don't think I;m all here..
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
Hi Hannah
It was the therapist who told you to stop taking the Seroxat completely I thought?
I don't think you need to worry about 'not being all there' and these 'voices' sound like the worrying thoughts we all experience. I describe my anorexia like having another person with my in my head and hearing a voice - but it's not really a voice, just thoughts generated from the illness.
Good news that the mental health nurse is arranging an appointment with a psychiatrist. It sounds like you are finally going to get the help you need.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hannahlou84
09-10-05, 15:47
I'm getting al my post replies mixed up!
Meh, the psychiatrist comment was meant to go here, and I was saying that hopefully she can spare me having to deal with anyone directly, and do it for me (The Mental Health woman).
Yes, my therapist did advise me to stop taking the medication. Not so sure if that's good or bad now.. though I was advised to reduce it by the doctor because of the blackouts and as low as I could. I guess nothing was as low as I could. Lol. However sick it made me.
"Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be, Suddenly I see, why the hell it means so much to me"
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