family advice

[dave01]

Hi;

not been here for a while, always come back at some point though. Can anyone relate to this. I become really anxious whenever any of my family come to my house, sometimes it might just be my mother in-law or at other times a family group, i just feel so uncomfortable and wish they would leave, i am naturally a quiet person and don't do the general chitty chatty thing very well at all to be honest, i feel completely out of control and just want my house back to myself, my wife and kids. I do care about them all and wish nothing but the best for them. after they have all gone i feel very guilty as it would be impossible for them not to have picked up on my off handed demeanour, but in these moments i feel unable to change mood or feelings, can this be my anxiety?

[jill]

Hi Dave :D:hugs:

The fact that you can link these symptoms to a time and place says this has anxiety written all over it, so to speak.

I used to get this a lot. BEFORE I suffered pa's, high levels of anxiety,(worse when acute) not really knowing what it was, just felt like I wanted people to leave, NOT because I disliked them in any way, but because I new that when they were gone, I would feel better. I was good at hiding these feelings and emotions, but looking back now, like you guilt and a hole lot of other emotions where added at these times.

***i am naturally a quiet person and don't do the general chitty chatty thing very well at all to be honest,***

Mmm, I labeled myself as this for soooo long, I believed it myself:weep: when in fact there was a person inside who wanted soooo much to chat till the cows came home, so to speak AND I am not quiet, well, I ued to say I was shy and quiet, but when I looked back into my past, these types of situations used to have people beliving I was a snob, not wanting to talk and I am sure a hole lot of other things too :weep:

When I came to this great site, it was here my journey began, to not only understand panic, high anxiety, but to understand myself was just as important. To learn that my thinking pattens, thought prosses was all out of sink. I learned I beat myself up about alot of things and sent myself on quilt trips over alot of things, past, present and future. NOW, on this great site along time ago now, my journey to recovery begain, learning to change a habbit of a lifetime with some things, but learning about panic, anxeity AND myself is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Dave, this is defo sounds anxiety related to me, do you know, at all, what triggers the anxiety in these types of situations? I know for me, I came to understand that I had low self asteam and lack confidance, ohhh as well as ME beating myself up with a hell of alot of negative thoughts. I thought after joining this great site I had social phobia, (as well as suffering panic, high anxiety living in fear 24/7) Mmm but an admin, Meg, put me on tract with these thoughts of social phobia, ( ohh those few words she said to me helped me in the right direction ) I DO NOT have social phobia, but my self asteam was on the floor which had knocked my confidance over many, many years which lead me to high levels of anxiety and panic. (long story, will not go into that)

Pick away at your anxiety, look deep inside yourself to why you feel like this in these types of situations, this is the start to working things out, it can be DAME hard finding the answers, but there there, hun :hugs:

Dave, do these people know about your emotioanl illness ? I know its hard for you hun but you need to try and take the quilt away, you have NOTHING to feel quilty about, :hugs:

Do you have anyone who you can talk to about how you feel, someone who will not judge but will just site and listen? if you hold things inside and keep it to yourself this can tear you apart and feed your anxiety.

Talking about things I feel is a must, I was blessed that when I hit rock bottom with panic, high levels of anxeity, I did have people I could talk to, they where my rocks, My Mum and sis, it seems like a small thing but I do feel this helped me move on a little.

The hardest thing for you to understand right now is, YOU ARE in total control overy your emotions and feeling at these time,s, BUT Mrs anxiety is saying your not.

I did make sure that everyone new what I was going through, that I maybe off hand at times, BUT, I was learning and reading all about panic, anxiety and would get better in time, so if I was off hand with them, I was SORRY, but made sure that ALL family memember new this before hand, Mmmm, blimey, EVERYONE new I was suffering panic, high levels of anxiety, I do feel that me telling everyone, (at the right time I must add) this was one of the little things that helped with my recovery.

I am a true believer that the little things help, small goals, small steps, small changes to my negative thinking.

Ohh sorry for woffling, I can go on at times.

I do hope this has been of some help, even if its just knowing your NOT alone and YOU CAN get better. I myself am panic, high anxiety free. I am still working on some things, BUT, my life has changed and for the knowledge this great site has helped me get, my life is better now than it has EVER been.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XXX

[CONS]

I think its self-protection personally,

family often talk about negative things when they come around to the house (talking from past experiences) and that can alter your mindstate. Plus it's about lack of control when others are there as you can't predict what is going to happen. Your house runs normally but when others enter it can shift slightly.

Thats my view anyway

[jill]

Hi Cons :D:hugs:

Good reply :yesyes:

I too have some family members who can talk a lot of negativity, when I was acute it would alter my mindset so to speak, like you it would kick off my self protection mode, Mmmm, but just WHAT was I trying to protect? FOR ME, it was me trying to protect myself from my own emotions, from the overwhelming feelings of anxiety, but not understanding that when I was trying to do this, to try and control the situation, I was feeding my anxiety even more.

When acute, I came to understand that my self protection mode was always switch on, I was on alert all day every day, not understanding I felt out of control not being able to change this emotional state I was in, so every time family came to my house, my own mind would over react to normal emotions WHY because I was an acute anxiety suffer at that present moment in time in my life and I felt, for me, I had not eccepted how I was, I would fight againt these feelings all the time and question them negativly.

You are sooo right, your thought pattens can shift when people come, but this is normal, but when acute with anxiety, your mind over reacts to the situation hence higher levels of anxiety and wanting your feelings of anxiety to go, you programme into your mind that when they are gone, so will these feelings of anxiety and you unknowingly aticipate it happening all the time, this unknowingly you programming it to happen, time after time, it became for me, the norm, so to speak.

If its both these things, self protection lack of control, then its these things we need to address.

To ask ourselves just what is is were trying to protect ourselves from? pick away at the anxiety.

To help ourselves know and understand that it not possible to be in control of all situations, but we can learn in time, with alot of hard work time and the right support, to change how we think in these types of situations.

I know oh to well how dame hard it is to change the way we think, to help ourselves to understand that NO ONE else is in control of our emotions and feelings, WE ARE, it IS dame hard, but NOT impossble.

I have not had a pa in a long time, but still learning things about anxiety and myself, the highest my anxiety has got is about a level 4, which lasted about 1 minute, these anxiety are very few and far between, yeee go me, there was a reason for it being there, at that time (will not go into that) , there always is, WELL, I always give meyself good positive reasons for it being there pull out all the knowledge this great site has given me and it does not last.

I do hope you don't mind me writhing this hun, anxiety is a mindfield, the specialist, therapist treat it as text book, but if they just get to know the person MORE how they think and feel not only with anxiety?panic, but on a personal note too and help the sufferer know themselves this can help them sooo much more, this is just my oppinon.

You take care hun :hugs:

LOVE JILL XXX

[CONS]

Well replied jill,

its good to understand why things happen, its half the battle.

:)