Mercurial
09-10-05, 03:56
Hello, I'm a 17 year old from New Zealand. I've never been to a counsellor of any sort because I'm kind of scared. I'm not sure if this forum is even the right place to go, but I just had another embarrassing social thingy happen and man.. I was so panicky and embarrassed that I um.. ran away and cried uncontrollably for a while and then googled and found you guys :D I'm not on medication, of course, but I'm getting a bit desperate. I do crazy things sometimes, and I'm worried that I might do something I'll really regret.
As for what's wrong with me, I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I've felt depressed since I was about 13 and it's only getting worse. I've always been very shy, but not always anxious socially. That's just been for the last few years. I get so worried about talking to people that I can hardly breathe and that just makes me look more stupid. I just feel completely awkward and I'm always worried about how my voice sounds and what I say. I hide a lot. I always sit at the back of classrooms, I never go out (I feel too sick at the thought of going out). I've just had two weeks of holiday and tomorrow I have to go back to school and I just don't think I can do it unless they allow me to wear a mask. I'm think I'm a bit paranoid too.
I don't want to self-diagnose, but I've read about different disorders (sometimes I google when I'm going crazy [8D]) and I fit nearly all of the Borderline Personality criteria. The criteria that I do fit, I fit so well that they might have written it about me. It was such a relief to read experiences of other people. What I went through when I was younger also fits most pre-Borderlines. It would make sense, because Borderline symptoms trigger depression and anxiety.
I'm too worried to talk to anyone though. I rarely go to my GP and when I do my mother always accompanies me and I'm not sure how I would even say anything... do I ask him if he can recommend a psychiatrist? Do I say 'I think I'm depressed' and then allow him to tell me the options?
Since I'm not very good at talking, I was thinking maybe I could print out the criteria of different things that seem to fit me, and then highlight bits and give it to a counsellor.. would that be a stupid thing to do? Because I'm worried that the person I talk to might just say it's all depression, but there are lots of other things I'm going through that don't fit depression.
Sorry it's so long, I hope this is the right forum to be at.
As for what's wrong with me, I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I've felt depressed since I was about 13 and it's only getting worse. I've always been very shy, but not always anxious socially. That's just been for the last few years. I get so worried about talking to people that I can hardly breathe and that just makes me look more stupid. I just feel completely awkward and I'm always worried about how my voice sounds and what I say. I hide a lot. I always sit at the back of classrooms, I never go out (I feel too sick at the thought of going out). I've just had two weeks of holiday and tomorrow I have to go back to school and I just don't think I can do it unless they allow me to wear a mask. I'm think I'm a bit paranoid too.
I don't want to self-diagnose, but I've read about different disorders (sometimes I google when I'm going crazy [8D]) and I fit nearly all of the Borderline Personality criteria. The criteria that I do fit, I fit so well that they might have written it about me. It was such a relief to read experiences of other people. What I went through when I was younger also fits most pre-Borderlines. It would make sense, because Borderline symptoms trigger depression and anxiety.
I'm too worried to talk to anyone though. I rarely go to my GP and when I do my mother always accompanies me and I'm not sure how I would even say anything... do I ask him if he can recommend a psychiatrist? Do I say 'I think I'm depressed' and then allow him to tell me the options?
Since I'm not very good at talking, I was thinking maybe I could print out the criteria of different things that seem to fit me, and then highlight bits and give it to a counsellor.. would that be a stupid thing to do? Because I'm worried that the person I talk to might just say it's all depression, but there are lots of other things I'm going through that don't fit depression.
Sorry it's so long, I hope this is the right forum to be at.