Hello.

[ilovetoast]

Hello there,

Well, uhm, I never thought I'd actually ever post (or find anywhere to post) in a place like this for thought of feeling odd about myself...but since reading the site so much of it applies to me I was compelled to post.

I'm a guy from the Northwest, UK over 30.

I have been suffering from negative thoughts late at night, seeing through whole negative scenarios of anything from death to illness and lord knows what.

I also fear some social situations, but I feel I have conqoured the majority of the fear there and now do or go almost anywhere, but some situations or perticular comapny instantly put me back into that nervous panicky place. On the whole though you'll hear the word "yes" come from my mouth more than "no" when invited to do things - this has been a major long term achievement for me - but there's still a little work to do there yet, it's (I am) a work in progress! lol

Unfortunately I think too much though, maybe paranoid is too strong a word, but definately thinking to the point I believe either my teeth are going to fall out, I've got cancer or I'm going to die...or someone else is.

I've noticed too that if anything good is coming, like a holiday or a new car or Christmas (which I love dearly) my subconscious is dead set on destroying it with the notion something is going to go wrong, or I'll never actually get to the good bit...like I'll die or have health problems before I get on holiday, or whilst I'm on holiday. Or I'll never get my new car, or I'll crash it, or someone will...well you catch my drift. The daft part is, I seldom look back at these events afterwards and say "see, nothing happened"...then that depresses me because I feel I could have enjoyed or at least not panicked so much beforehand! It's all so frustrating.

I think I might be drinking unnecessarily at times now too to 'relax'...so that's not good.

Me and the other half aren't talking because we argue at the moment, and for someone with a speedy (and often WRONG) brain like mine I probably make things worse.

So combine this with a bunch of other things, it all makes for a bit of a dull existence at times and I feel envious of those who seem to leed 'normal' lives.

If you were to see me at work though, you'd never know...I'm on full "showtime" performance and enjoy myself, people enjoy my company and would be shocked to hear I wasn't a happy normal guy. This is to do with what I call.."Zones" and I'll talk to you more about this another time.

I've waffled! lol Maybe I have a lot to talk about?

I would very much like to talk to you about how I made progress with my social anxiety and "zones" soon.

Chris.

[matt78]

Hi Chris, I'm new to this too, just joined tonight, thought i'd say hello. I can understand your feeling that you "think too much", and worry/imagine terrible thing are about to happen to you. Well the best thing you have done i think is to come on here and introduce yourself. I will probably not be the most appropriate person to help you out, but from what i have seen, there are people here who are either suffering from or have experience of every type of problem, so you will find help here, and tips from people who really know how to help. In the meantime, i would say try to avoid staying up late, especially on your own, try not to give yourself the opportunity to "think" too much, and maybe try not to drink, personally I find drinking makes me think more and makes me feel sluggish and crap! Anyway, good luck with exploring the site, and lets both keep our heads up, things will improve.

[jill]

Hi Chris :D:hugs:

:welcome: to the site.

You have made such progress and you should be soooo proud of yourself. I am sure that alot of social phobia member on this great site would LOVE to hear how you made that progress, WELL DONE :hugs:

From what you have written I can see the you have a lot of anxiety going on, as you know hun by reading through the site, you are not alone with this.

You have already noticed your drinking BUT already no that this is not good, (which is good, be proud of yourself ) maybe you could address this hunny before it gets out of hand.

You will find that all you have written nearly everyone will understand what your going through and can link into your thought pattens in one way or another.

You have come to the right place, there are lots of nice people here who will help and support you.

TAKE CARE

Be kind to yourself

LOVE JILL XXX

PS, love the user name, I love toast too LOL

[Jaco45er]

Unbelievable, I could have written this some 10 years ago.

Welcome mate, it does get better :)

[ilovetoast]

Thanks for the welcome guys

My post didn't show lats night and I thought my computer had eaten it, I was dreading writing it all again!

Reading it now I'm unsure if I've explained my depression side of it...nobody has ever said I'm depressed (or not, then again nobody has every officially diagnosed me as anxious, but I don't need a doctor to tell me that! lol) but I know depression set in after the anxiety at times.

I used to describe this as "everything feels dull, like a black and white movie" and I couldn't be bothered even doing anything I used to enjoy. No energy, miserable thoughts, eating and drinking too much, getting a bit overweight, not wanting company or to go out, you name it it was all there embroiled with my anxiety and panic attacks out in the open.

It's a vicious circle at times, one leads on to the other it seems.

For example, if my partner and I were having a perticualrly large argument and I fealt down about it afterwards, I would start feeling a little depression, which in turn would make me feel I couldn't be bothered facing people outside, which naturally brings back the social anxiety and feeling nervous out in public places...and having zero confidence within me, normally surrounding how I feel I look to others.

I constantly beleive I am weird. This is another thing, and that I look weird, sound weird and lol as bizzarre as this is to say...once I was convinced I smelt weird! ROFLMAO :roflmao:

My appearance anxiety, that's been a killer, and linked right in there with the rest.

Anyway...onward I plough...never back.

Thanks again, look forward to sharing the things I've learnt along my way, with others maybe a few steps behind me on this awkward path, to which I am sure, there is a lovely garden gate at the end...

[chantelle]

Hi there,

welcome to NMP. You'll get lots of support here and will make friends. It helps you when you feel that you are able to support others through this as well as it helping them so people will be interested in your story. I suffer from GAD & depression. This is an awful illness but we all have within us the potential to overcome it!!!!!!

Take care and WE WILL GET BETTER sometime and smell the roses in that 'lovely garden'....,

[ilovetoast]

Thanks alot, I think this is the first time and place in my life I've said more than 20 words about it to anyone who actually gives a damn.

Infact I have a tear in my eye...lol...what's all that about?

[teez]

welcome to nmp,,glad you managed to post ,,im not brave enough yet,,so just reply, it was a brave thing youve done,,i,ll get there lol, i understand what you mean about the feeling things are going to go wrong,,,im terrible in the car now as im always seeing us crashing,,,dont help when im telling poor hubby to be careful when his driving lol i sound like mrs bucket,,

[ilovetoast]

Teez, do you feel you haven't got the courage to ask for help or share your experiences?

[teez]

bit of both,,see im the strong one in my house,,,matriarc,,i hold things together,,so i never show any weakness,,even if im ill i keep a tight hold of the reins,,i think in an odd way i dont know how to let go and admit yup i have a problem,,because i was brought up to show weakness isnt on,,stiff upper lip and all that lol

[ilovetoast]

So, can I ask why you are here...or is that basically the same as not posting! lol

I'm not being funny, just asking how being here helps you specifically - is it because you see the same propblems talked about by others etc?

I sound rude. I'm not being! Honest. Hugz!

[teez]

nope i understand perfectly what your getting at,erm without sounding sorry for myself,,another sign of weakness lol,,i have very little confidence in myself,,if i post,, will anyone want to listen,,,will i get ignored,,why should they listen,,,wonder can you understand what im trying to say,,,i get a lot just reading and answering others,,as i dont want them to feel ignored,,and sharing their troubles keeps my mind off my own,,plus i find most of you share my problems and can write about it easier, erm word it better

[ilovetoast]

Oh my word, bless your soul!

Of course someone would listen, I too wonder "would they understand the deapth of my problems" hell I also wonder "would they understand *ME*" full stop.

You know what, when you feel like you do want to talk I'll bet you feel well catered for. I'll listen, hey if someone listens to me I'll listen to them...I, unlike some people I know, actually give a damn about these subjects because I, like nearly everyone in this forum, know what it's like!

You are under no pressure to start talking whatsoever so don't think that either.

You'll find your strength I'm sure...and remember, talking about things does *not* amount to being weak, and neither does it mean you are "admitting" anything.

[teez]

thankyou,,it means a lot :)

[ilovetoast]

You are very welcome...sincerely.

[sue.b]

Hi Chris

Depression is the pits isn't it. I can understand how you feel, I describe my feelings as flat, no emotions (except good old anxiety) it is a weird feeling.

I too recently joined NMP, i have found that the support is tremendous and there are lots of people with the same fears, thoughts and emotions as me. Helps to take away the feeling I have that I am somehow odd or different.
:unsure:


Anyway i wish you well.

Sue