ilovetoast
21-08-09, 20:54
Hello there,
Well, uhm, I never thought I'd actually ever post (or find anywhere to post) in a place like this for thought of feeling odd about myself...but since reading the site so much of it applies to me I was compelled to post.
I'm a guy from the Northwest, UK over 30.
I have been suffering from negative thoughts late at night, seeing through whole negative scenarios of anything from death to illness and lord knows what.
I also fear some social situations, but I feel I have conqoured the majority of the fear there and now do or go almost anywhere, but some situations or perticular comapny instantly put me back into that nervous panicky place. On the whole though you'll hear the word "yes" come from my mouth more than "no" when invited to do things - this has been a major long term achievement for me - but there's still a little work to do there yet, it's (I am) a work in progress! lol
Unfortunately I think too much though, maybe paranoid is too strong a word, but definately thinking to the point I believe either my teeth are going to fall out, I've got cancer or I'm going to die...or someone else is.
I've noticed too that if anything good is coming, like a holiday or a new car or Christmas (which I love dearly) my subconscious is dead set on destroying it with the notion something is going to go wrong, or I'll never actually get to the good bit...like I'll die or have health problems before I get on holiday, or whilst I'm on holiday. Or I'll never get my new car, or I'll crash it, or someone will...well you catch my drift. The daft part is, I seldom look back at these events afterwards and say "see, nothing happened"...then that depresses me because I feel I could have enjoyed or at least not panicked so much beforehand! It's all so frustrating.
I think I might be drinking unnecessarily at times now too to 'relax'...so that's not good.
Me and the other half aren't talking because we argue at the moment, and for someone with a speedy (and often WRONG) brain like mine I probably make things worse.
So combine this with a bunch of other things, it all makes for a bit of a dull existence at times and I feel envious of those who seem to leed 'normal' lives.
If you were to see me at work though, you'd never know...I'm on full "showtime" performance and enjoy myself, people enjoy my company and would be shocked to hear I wasn't a happy normal guy. This is to do with what I call.."Zones" and I'll talk to you more about this another time.
I've waffled! lol Maybe I have a lot to talk about?
I would very much like to talk to you about how I made progress with my social anxiety and "zones" soon.
Chris.
Well, uhm, I never thought I'd actually ever post (or find anywhere to post) in a place like this for thought of feeling odd about myself...but since reading the site so much of it applies to me I was compelled to post.
I'm a guy from the Northwest, UK over 30.
I have been suffering from negative thoughts late at night, seeing through whole negative scenarios of anything from death to illness and lord knows what.
I also fear some social situations, but I feel I have conqoured the majority of the fear there and now do or go almost anywhere, but some situations or perticular comapny instantly put me back into that nervous panicky place. On the whole though you'll hear the word "yes" come from my mouth more than "no" when invited to do things - this has been a major long term achievement for me - but there's still a little work to do there yet, it's (I am) a work in progress! lol
Unfortunately I think too much though, maybe paranoid is too strong a word, but definately thinking to the point I believe either my teeth are going to fall out, I've got cancer or I'm going to die...or someone else is.
I've noticed too that if anything good is coming, like a holiday or a new car or Christmas (which I love dearly) my subconscious is dead set on destroying it with the notion something is going to go wrong, or I'll never actually get to the good bit...like I'll die or have health problems before I get on holiday, or whilst I'm on holiday. Or I'll never get my new car, or I'll crash it, or someone will...well you catch my drift. The daft part is, I seldom look back at these events afterwards and say "see, nothing happened"...then that depresses me because I feel I could have enjoyed or at least not panicked so much beforehand! It's all so frustrating.
I think I might be drinking unnecessarily at times now too to 'relax'...so that's not good.
Me and the other half aren't talking because we argue at the moment, and for someone with a speedy (and often WRONG) brain like mine I probably make things worse.
So combine this with a bunch of other things, it all makes for a bit of a dull existence at times and I feel envious of those who seem to leed 'normal' lives.
If you were to see me at work though, you'd never know...I'm on full "showtime" performance and enjoy myself, people enjoy my company and would be shocked to hear I wasn't a happy normal guy. This is to do with what I call.."Zones" and I'll talk to you more about this another time.
I've waffled! lol Maybe I have a lot to talk about?
I would very much like to talk to you about how I made progress with my social anxiety and "zones" soon.
Chris.