View Full Version : Panic Advice
I have a very good friend who following a motorbike accident has suffered from panic attacks for several years now. I don’t get to see him that often as I live in London and he’s in Wales but we speak on the phone, email and text each other almost every day.
I’m quite worried about his situation and want to try and help him feel better about himself. His counsellor suggested he make small trips on public transport, such as sitting on a bus for about 4 – 5 stops, he has not done this yet and I try to press him to do it without nagging him, if I lived closer I’d go with him.
He doesn’t go out socially, but recently he has travelled almost 400 miles with his parents to visit his brother and he attended the funeral of a friend’s mother by himself. He has an appointment with the chiropractor this Friday which he says he’s feeling quite nervous about but will go.
His parents’ divorce recently came through and as his brother lives away from home its just him and his mother in the house so he’s the one who sees her when she’s been upset. As far as I’m concerned his father is a waste of space, as he’s never there for him – he makes out that his problems are nothing serious and he should just “get over it”. As far as I know my friend only speaks to me or his best friend about these problems, his friends and work colleagues know a little bit about it but they don’t really show much of an interest.
He wants us to go on holiday but said that when he thinks of boarding a plane he panics. He has said over and over that he doesn’t want to annoy me or anyone else by “having a funny turn”, how can I convince him that that won’t happen? We’d even spoke about things he may be able to do whilst on the plane such as taking sleeping tablets or sitting right at the back.
What should/shouldn’t I do/say as I don’t want him to feel worse and I don’t want him to feel that I’ve pressurised him into doing something when I next visit. I even thought that maybe we could get all dolled up and go to a nice restaurant for a meal, but not tell him until its time to get ready, that way he’s not thinking about it all day, or should I tell him beforehand?
Hi Alyson
Welcome to the site! :)
First of all you sound like a great friend! :)
Take a browse around and you will see that most of the fears that your friend has a lot of other people have to! I'm not really any good to offer any advice unfortunatly but I'm sure the others will :)
Take care
Matt
hi alyson,
why dont you introduce your friend to this site??
ive only been using it for almost a week and already i feel better about lots of stuff just because of the understanding and friendliness ive recieved from everyone here.
you sound like a great mate,just the sort of person your friend needs.
take care love em xx
hi alyson.
your friend has had a tough time. you are a great friend and you should introduce him to this site. we will help him any way we can and this way you can talk to him aswell as other people. It is a fantastic site and he will feel relaxed after a couple of times on here. will be really friendly like we always are. hope he does come on here and you keep posting.
hugs Rachel xx
Hi Alyson,
I think you're in a difficult situation being so far away from him, if you were closer then like you say you could help him with various things.
I don't know if you have suffered from anxiety before but I suppose some of the symptoms can appear pretty ridiculous to the average person and completely irrational to the rational mind. When someone has a panic attack it can be one of the scariest moments of their lives, it can be very hard to deal with. From your post it sounds like you are a very caring and considerate person and it looks like your already on the right track. What I would suggest you do is to start researching a little about anxiety (this site would be a good start) and in finding out more about it I believe you will be better equipped to help your friend.
It is a good idea to help your friend get out of the house, and a holiday may be a great experience for him.
Unfortunately the only person that can help him is himself. You can help to guide him and support him in everyway you can but to overcome your anxiety you need to understand for yourself what is happening to you and you need to take action to control it.
Maybe speak to him about going out before you visit, tell him that you will help him and talk about where you can go out, in which case he can choose somewhere that seems bearable to him. But definately encourage him to go out as long as your sensitive towards his feelings and vulnerability.
And like everyone has said, introduce him to this site, everyone here is really positive and are more than willing to help. You really need to learn about yourself and your condition before you can beat it, and this is a good place to start learning.
mico
Dear Alyson,
'how can I convince him that that won’t happen?' You can't because it is reality that it could happen. Not annoying you but that he does have a turn ..
The preferable solution is that he learns to deal with his issues so he is back in control.
As hard as it may sound to you - he has to do the work on himself. The counsellor is on the right track but it's possible with all the other issues around that he's just not ready.
As for the holiday - thinking planes is a big step when he won't go on a bus yet. Staying in the Uk or a ferry somewhere may be more realistic at this time and work up to a plane. Sometimes people can gear themselves up to get somewhere but ruin the week by worrying about the return flight.
If you want to introduce him to this site but don't want him to know you've been asking on his behalf, we can delete this whole thread if you ask Nic or Matt nicely.
Good luck
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hiya Alyson,
Welcome aboard, you have come to the right place to seek information and suggestions on this disorder on behalf of your friend. You sound like a great friend, we all should have one of you, LOL.... :D. I know it is hard to watch someone you care for go through this, but as mentioned above it is his and so many of us here, our reality. So to tell someone like us that it won`t happen is not very reassuring. of course not taking anything away from your support of him. I`m just giving an example. Just keep supporting him no matter what, he is gonna need that. Do introduce him to this site as I think it will be quite beneficial to both of you. keep posting to let us know how you both are doing.
Take care,
Diana xxxx
Hi Alyson
Very nice to meet you.
It's lovely that you are so supportive and caring towards your friend. I bet he his grateful to you.
Sometimes supporting someone with panic disorder is very difficult, (especially if you have never suffered with it yourself) often you don't know what to do for the best, and you can feel useless once a panic attack is in full swing.
Panic attacks are unpredictable and that it's quite possible that he won't have one, but you can never say for sure.
If the worst happens, get him to breath slowly and try to get him to stay calm, if possible try to do the breathing exercises with him. (If possible do a little research on anxiety, just to give you an idea of what it is, how it may affect him and how to breathe correctly.)
The main thing you can do is, reassure him that everything will be alright, that it will soon be over and to keep calm.
Warn him when you are going to visit, speak to him about going out, see if he feels like having a walk around the block, a trip on the bus or a drive in the car.
If he doesn't, don't worry about it too much, the main thing is to keep being encouraging, reassuring and positive.
It's quite possible that he may not be ready for a flight, but there is nothing stopping you from asking if he fancies a night or 2 away from home, to see how he gets on.
Take care, and if you need to asking please feel free. We are only too glad to help.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric
hi alyson,
wot a great friend,for someone to have.
i agree,with all the posts..he has to start at the beginning...accept he has a problem,and start to take little steps,to overcome them.
there is so much good information on this site...start at the home page,read,and learn,as much as you can,then read the posts on here,about anxiety,and panic attacks,ime sure it will help you,to advise him.
ive had experience,of chiroprakters,and i think they are so gifted,if he explained how he felt,on his consultation,not only would they treat his injuries,but ime sure they will also use there relaxation techniques,which are first class.
besat wishes..bryan.
Hi everyone, I'd just like to thank you for all your advices and suggestions so far, I've found it a great help and I'm very appreciative.
My friend had his first visit with the chiropractor last week which went ok, he has been told that he has to attend at least once a week from now on and also has to take up swimming - he wasn't panicky about either so I think he's on the road to recovery. :)
My friend sent me a thankyou card over the weekend, thanking me for all my help and for being there for him. We spoke again briefly about him taking a bus and he said at least he'd be able to jump off whenever he wanted and wouldnt feel trapped. I've decided that the next time I visit, I'll suggest we go for a walk around the block and forget the restaurant/bar idea for now.
I'm dying to see him but think I should just wait until he asks me,as I don't want to pressure him into anything when he's not ready.
THANKS A LOT EVERYONE and I shall keep you posted :):D[8D]
Alyson
Hiya Alyson,
Great news!!!! :) Glad to hear everything is going well. I hope your friend is well on his way to recovery. I know with a good friend like you on his side he will do just fine. Keep us posted as to how things are going, and if you need any other advice or just have any questions just post and we will help as much as we can.
Take care dear,
Diana xxxx
Good move Alyson.
Well done. You could hint/say that you'd like to visit.
Somtimes if depression is a problem he might not like to ask/bother you/put you out although he'd really, really love it if you did visit.
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hello there this is me Alyson who originally wrote about my friend with the panic attacks and I didn’t know how to help him. Well since my last posting, I've had a few problems with getting back onto the forum and have had to change my user name. Anyway I wanted to come back to on tell you all that my friend is making great improvements - He has been paintballing a few times and drove to Manchester airport about a month ago just to walk around for about an hour and felt ok, he said that he’s now ready to board a plane and is now going to visit his friend in America at the end of this month for a week, he said he will go back in a few months time and stay for much longer. Also,I’m going down to see him this Thursday for a week,I told him that I wanted us to do various things together out of the house, one to include us taking a bus ride together and he said that was ok with him.
I'd just like to again, thank everyone so far, and I shall keep you posted provided I can get back online without any problems.
missa (aka Alyson)
Dear Missa,
Sory you've had a few issues getting on here again.
So pleased to hear your news and his progress. Thats brilliant.
I'm sure he has appreciated your friendship so much these past months
Meg
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.
- Guillaume Apollinaire
Hiya Missa!!!!!!
So good to hear from you. :)
So pleased to hear that your friend is recovering so well too.
You have been such a great friend and support for him these past months. It is very hard to find a friend such as yourself for us sufferers.
Most get quite aggravated quite quickly, and move on.
You have done very well in staying in there and helping your friend through his worst.
I hope you all will be able to enjoy some time spent together doing things you all have`nt been able to do in months.
Keep us updated on things won`t you?
We love to hear success stories. :-D
I do hope you won`t have any problems getting back to the forum.
Take care dear,
Diana xxxx
nomorepanic
05-04-04, 21:37
Hi Missa
Glad you made it back - looks like we sorted the problems today doesn't it. If you like I can get you logged back on as Alyson (I think) or you can keep this name - up to you.
Good to see you back anyway and glad your friend is getting better.
Nicola
Hi everyone its me Alyson, just to update you,I visited my friend over the Easter and we had a good time. To my surprise we went bowling,paintballing and to his local pub with him and 2 of his friends,all of which were his suggestions and not mine,he showed no signs of nervousness at all.Unfortunately we never got around to getting on a bus but did manage to go out for long drives in his car.He's now booked his flight for America and goes tomorrow,he said he's nervous but excited at the same time.
Once again I'd like to thank you all for your kind words and advices,its most appreciated.
:D
Fab news, Missa.
Looking forward to hearing how the trip goes.
Meg
Hiya Missa,
FANTASTIC NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So glad you and he were able to spend some good quality time together. It was well deserved.
So glad to that you all were able to do so many things and especially that it was at his request. That is great!!!!!
I am glad to hear also that your friend is getting better by leaps and bounds.
You deserve a big pat on the back for standing by your friend through his recovery.
It is very hard to find someone with such dedication to a friend through thick and thin. You are that and more, we should all be so lucky as your friend. :)
Do keep us posted on your friends progress.
It is quite normal for him to be feeling a bit nervous about his flight. Even those who don`t suffer this disorder get that, so no worries for you and him there okay.
Take care,
Diana xxxx
Well done Missa!
That is great news.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
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