Flying Badger
26-08-09, 04:40
Hi Folks.
Firstly, I hope I'm posting this in the right place - moderators / admins, please move it to the correct place if required!
Right. I thought I would post a short-version of the tale as to when & how my problems with panic began.
I had been unemployed for two years, after being sacked and escorted from the premises at 23:45, 31st December 1999. I celebrated the coming of Year 2000 with a 12 mile walk home after being falsley accused of stealing from my employer. The case went to court (by my request) and was thrown out owing to lack of evidence against me.
I started my new job in a call centre, two weeks into 2002. The new job was going well, and after 2 months, I was settled nicley. I woke up one morning with a terible wheeze, and was struggling for breath. I went in to work, but found it extremely difficult talking on the phone. I phoned my GP surgery, who suggested I head straight there. I was very suprised to hear my GP say that he thought I had pneumonia, but his diagnosis was confirmed after he sent me to hospital, where I spent 3 days.
I had a total of 2 weeks off work, with a sicknote from my GP, and on my return, the problems began.
I was taken into a 'back to work' meeting with my manager, and the department manager. After being told how dissapointed they were that a new employee should have 2 weeks sick leave, I was given notice that should I fall ill again within 6 months, it would lead to a disciplinary hearing.
After around 4 months, I noticed that my throat was getting rather sore, and wasnt showing any sign of improving. Whilst at work, my voice completley dissapeared. As you can imagine, this was quite a problem, considering I worked in a call centre. Nobody could hear me over the phone, and it was extremely painful to talk. I asked my manager if I could take half an hour off phone duties, but was refused, being told "you are paid to take phone calls, so get on with it". I struggled on for a few days, and made an appointment with my GP. He diagnosed laryngitis, and after asking what I did for a living, he reccomended I find alternative duties for at least a week, or until my voice / throat had fully recovered. I advised my manager of this, but was again told, "you are paid to take phone calls". I even paid for a private letter to be drafted by my GP, that I could take into work. This was also dismissed. Knowing this, my GP gave me a 3 week sicknote, and told to go back to him before I returned to work.
The three weeks without spending 8 hours a day on the phone worked wonders. I returned to work, only to be faced by a 'formal capability hearing' where I was lambasted for having sick leave, and given a final written warning, with the letter saying should I have any further sick leave in the next 12 months, I could lose my job.
Within a few weeks of returning to work, my sore throat and lack of voice returned. In order to try and avoid sick leave, I took two weeks holiday, and again, went to see my GP. I was refered to ENT, and was lucky to get a quick appointment - before I was due back at work.
The ENT professor said there was little I could do to avoid this repeating cycle, aside from reduce the amount of time I spent on the phone. He wrote to my employer explaining this, as I had told him of the difficulties I had.
The Union also got involved, and reluctantly, my employer agreed that my phone duties would be reduced, and other tasks would be given to me. In reality, this meant that I would occasionally be given written correspondence, although this was less than an hour per week.
This uneasy situation remained for over a year. I was able to keep my voice working by taking holiday leave of a few days every month, again, to avoid sick leave.
It was at this point that I began to get daily phone calls from management, even if I was on holiday, or my usual day off. These would always be before 9am, and management would tell me I was in trouble when I went back in, or that "they were watching me". Sometimes, I would burst into tears whilst on the phone to a manager, only to be told "I really could do without your complaining" or "I dont need this".
This went on for a couple of months, and my pleas for it to stop were ignored. I was also getting similar tratment when at work - countless "meetings" where management would tell me I'd done something wrong, or being given tasks to do shortly before lunch, then not being allowed to take my full half hour.
I had begun playing for a local pub pool team, and was at an 'away' match. I had won my game, and was enjoying the evening. Then, the sudden (and familiar) chest pains began. I became breathless, began to sweat, and felt weak all over.
The next thing I recall is being in the back of an ambulance. I'd had my first panic attack.
I wasn't discharged from hospital in time to start my 8am shift at work, and had asked my parents to let them know. When I turned on my mobile phone after leaving casualty, I had over a dozen messages from my manager, saying I had to be at work the next day, and there was a disciplinary meeting scheduled. I didn't get far before collapsing, and again, was taken into casualty. They said I was probably suffering from severe stress, and they asked my GP to give me a sick note for a week, which he duly did.
During this week, the phone calls carried on, and I even had a manager try to visit me at home. My parents refused to let her in, but the phone calls continued.
I was required to see the company doctor, who made scathing remarks about my "so called stress" and told me to lose weight, and stop slacking. I even had a phone call from my manager on the way home, saying she expected me back at work the following day, even though the sicknote hadn't expired.
After the week was up, I was about to leave the house for my short walk to work. I found I was unable to walk through the front door. After quite an argument with my Dad, I was almost man handled into his car, and bundled out of the car outside work. I spent a good 10 minuites stood outside, crying, shaking and vomiting. A colleague had spotted me outside, and informed my manager, who came out, and said things I can't repeat on this forum. Fearing for my job, I managed to enter the building, but spend a good deal of the day sat in silence at my desk, ignoring the phone calls that were coming in.
This scenario ended up lasting for about a month. I eventually ended up cutting my wrist. I still don't know weather it was an attempt at suicide, or just a cry for help. I haven't self harmed since, I assume it was the latter.
A psychiatric nuse at hospital said I was probably suffering from depression. I went to see my GP, and was given a three month sicknote. My employer was not at all impressed by this, and even complained to my GP.
Once the three month sicknote was close to ending, I was given another by my GP. Upon receiving it, I was called to a disciplinary meeting at work, and dismissed for "failing to meet my contractual obligation to attend work".
I have suffered with Panic Disorder ever since. I can suffer anything from a single panic attack per day, to being in an almost constant state of panic for several days, sometimes over a week.
Panic Disorder has since cost me two other jobs, both times involving having an attack at work, and an ignorant manager, who saw it as either an excuse not to work, or decided he didn't want "one of your type" working for him.
I had started to make a small recovery, but in January this year, my Dad had his second major cancer operation, and had radiotherapy for 6 weeks. During this period, my Mum had a stroke, and now requires full time supervision, responsibility of which has fallen to me.
Anyway, I'm sure you are all fed up of reading such a long post now, and I apologise if this kind of post is not the kind of thing to put here. However, I wanted people to know how it got started, and, perhaps, there may be others who are in / been in a similar situation, can see they are not alone.
Cheers
Gary
Firstly, I hope I'm posting this in the right place - moderators / admins, please move it to the correct place if required!
Right. I thought I would post a short-version of the tale as to when & how my problems with panic began.
I had been unemployed for two years, after being sacked and escorted from the premises at 23:45, 31st December 1999. I celebrated the coming of Year 2000 with a 12 mile walk home after being falsley accused of stealing from my employer. The case went to court (by my request) and was thrown out owing to lack of evidence against me.
I started my new job in a call centre, two weeks into 2002. The new job was going well, and after 2 months, I was settled nicley. I woke up one morning with a terible wheeze, and was struggling for breath. I went in to work, but found it extremely difficult talking on the phone. I phoned my GP surgery, who suggested I head straight there. I was very suprised to hear my GP say that he thought I had pneumonia, but his diagnosis was confirmed after he sent me to hospital, where I spent 3 days.
I had a total of 2 weeks off work, with a sicknote from my GP, and on my return, the problems began.
I was taken into a 'back to work' meeting with my manager, and the department manager. After being told how dissapointed they were that a new employee should have 2 weeks sick leave, I was given notice that should I fall ill again within 6 months, it would lead to a disciplinary hearing.
After around 4 months, I noticed that my throat was getting rather sore, and wasnt showing any sign of improving. Whilst at work, my voice completley dissapeared. As you can imagine, this was quite a problem, considering I worked in a call centre. Nobody could hear me over the phone, and it was extremely painful to talk. I asked my manager if I could take half an hour off phone duties, but was refused, being told "you are paid to take phone calls, so get on with it". I struggled on for a few days, and made an appointment with my GP. He diagnosed laryngitis, and after asking what I did for a living, he reccomended I find alternative duties for at least a week, or until my voice / throat had fully recovered. I advised my manager of this, but was again told, "you are paid to take phone calls". I even paid for a private letter to be drafted by my GP, that I could take into work. This was also dismissed. Knowing this, my GP gave me a 3 week sicknote, and told to go back to him before I returned to work.
The three weeks without spending 8 hours a day on the phone worked wonders. I returned to work, only to be faced by a 'formal capability hearing' where I was lambasted for having sick leave, and given a final written warning, with the letter saying should I have any further sick leave in the next 12 months, I could lose my job.
Within a few weeks of returning to work, my sore throat and lack of voice returned. In order to try and avoid sick leave, I took two weeks holiday, and again, went to see my GP. I was refered to ENT, and was lucky to get a quick appointment - before I was due back at work.
The ENT professor said there was little I could do to avoid this repeating cycle, aside from reduce the amount of time I spent on the phone. He wrote to my employer explaining this, as I had told him of the difficulties I had.
The Union also got involved, and reluctantly, my employer agreed that my phone duties would be reduced, and other tasks would be given to me. In reality, this meant that I would occasionally be given written correspondence, although this was less than an hour per week.
This uneasy situation remained for over a year. I was able to keep my voice working by taking holiday leave of a few days every month, again, to avoid sick leave.
It was at this point that I began to get daily phone calls from management, even if I was on holiday, or my usual day off. These would always be before 9am, and management would tell me I was in trouble when I went back in, or that "they were watching me". Sometimes, I would burst into tears whilst on the phone to a manager, only to be told "I really could do without your complaining" or "I dont need this".
This went on for a couple of months, and my pleas for it to stop were ignored. I was also getting similar tratment when at work - countless "meetings" where management would tell me I'd done something wrong, or being given tasks to do shortly before lunch, then not being allowed to take my full half hour.
I had begun playing for a local pub pool team, and was at an 'away' match. I had won my game, and was enjoying the evening. Then, the sudden (and familiar) chest pains began. I became breathless, began to sweat, and felt weak all over.
The next thing I recall is being in the back of an ambulance. I'd had my first panic attack.
I wasn't discharged from hospital in time to start my 8am shift at work, and had asked my parents to let them know. When I turned on my mobile phone after leaving casualty, I had over a dozen messages from my manager, saying I had to be at work the next day, and there was a disciplinary meeting scheduled. I didn't get far before collapsing, and again, was taken into casualty. They said I was probably suffering from severe stress, and they asked my GP to give me a sick note for a week, which he duly did.
During this week, the phone calls carried on, and I even had a manager try to visit me at home. My parents refused to let her in, but the phone calls continued.
I was required to see the company doctor, who made scathing remarks about my "so called stress" and told me to lose weight, and stop slacking. I even had a phone call from my manager on the way home, saying she expected me back at work the following day, even though the sicknote hadn't expired.
After the week was up, I was about to leave the house for my short walk to work. I found I was unable to walk through the front door. After quite an argument with my Dad, I was almost man handled into his car, and bundled out of the car outside work. I spent a good 10 minuites stood outside, crying, shaking and vomiting. A colleague had spotted me outside, and informed my manager, who came out, and said things I can't repeat on this forum. Fearing for my job, I managed to enter the building, but spend a good deal of the day sat in silence at my desk, ignoring the phone calls that were coming in.
This scenario ended up lasting for about a month. I eventually ended up cutting my wrist. I still don't know weather it was an attempt at suicide, or just a cry for help. I haven't self harmed since, I assume it was the latter.
A psychiatric nuse at hospital said I was probably suffering from depression. I went to see my GP, and was given a three month sicknote. My employer was not at all impressed by this, and even complained to my GP.
Once the three month sicknote was close to ending, I was given another by my GP. Upon receiving it, I was called to a disciplinary meeting at work, and dismissed for "failing to meet my contractual obligation to attend work".
I have suffered with Panic Disorder ever since. I can suffer anything from a single panic attack per day, to being in an almost constant state of panic for several days, sometimes over a week.
Panic Disorder has since cost me two other jobs, both times involving having an attack at work, and an ignorant manager, who saw it as either an excuse not to work, or decided he didn't want "one of your type" working for him.
I had started to make a small recovery, but in January this year, my Dad had his second major cancer operation, and had radiotherapy for 6 weeks. During this period, my Mum had a stroke, and now requires full time supervision, responsibility of which has fallen to me.
Anyway, I'm sure you are all fed up of reading such a long post now, and I apologise if this kind of post is not the kind of thing to put here. However, I wanted people to know how it got started, and, perhaps, there may be others who are in / been in a similar situation, can see they are not alone.
Cheers
Gary