yet again i am a failure

[mummy4]

:weep:

ive had anxiety and panic since i was 17 am now 26 married with 4 children who i adore. some days ive been better than others and been on and off meds. currently on 5mg cipralex and have been for 4 years.

i have been a party organiser for 4 and half years (selling adult products and underware) and used to love doing these parties. i always used to get a little nervous before hand but nothing to serious. i was due to do my first party last night in a year (due to my anxiety) and i cancelled :weep: god i feel such a failure not only because i could not do it but because of the money i lost too.
was worried i would totally freak out infront of about 10 people (some i know). even finding it hard to go into supermarket past 6 months let alone stand up in front of people.

this is all so annoying and frustrating for me. i used to be able to do this and feel quite confident now i dont :(

any words of advice would be great :yesyes: x

[Hell's]

You must not feel like a failure, you know your limits, and last night was too much. Please try not to dwell on it as it will not help you. I too suffer from the dreaded Anxiety and I have problems on the motorway at the moment, which I must take to get to work. This morning i thought about trying another route, however, I carried on going on the motorway. When you are anxious try and carry on as normal, hard i know but by doing your parties you are a) doing something you enjoy and b) not giving into it. However, you know your limits, and it can prove damaging if you bypass them. Rescue remedy helps a great deal for me, as well as telling those that I am with that I do suffer from anxiety. It makes me feel more relaxed if people know about it. Also you will be suprised how many peopl suffer from it, and they may be able to offer support. Always be proud of yourself in all you do, as when anxious everything is a challenge! Good luck, I really hope this helps.

X

[mummy4]

thanks hells.

just cant seem to get back into doing my parties which is such a shame.

theres only a few people who know about my anxiety and thats my husband doctor and health visitor. no one else knows. not even my parents as i feel embarrassed and ashamed though my hv did say the same as you and that many many people suffer like us xx

[Hell's]

Never be embarased or ashamed. I find it so hard for people to understand what it is like, however I get them to look it up or explain it to them. I am 26 like you and work as a lecturer, a job in which I need to be on the ball all the time. Your parents and friends could offer you the support you need, and they to may have gone through it. Anxiety is part of daily life for most people, although not as bad as ours. If you are finding the parties difficult see if you can find something else to do. A change is as good as a rest sometimes!

Sometimes things happen to us in our lives, which we have no control over which leave us feeling helpless. By admiting that you are having a bad time you have already taken a positive step - remember that!

H.x

[titchjd]

hi hun ...
1stly u not a failure ..u cant b you are a mom of 4 x
I totally understand how u feel I was same last year and cancelled many things many times ...eventhings invoving my daughter and yes i felt like a failure but in time I understood I wasnt ready and if Id have pushed myself It would have made things worse .....you have to forget about it now its passed and concentrate on 1 day at a time .....

also never be embarrassed anx is a health problem like anything else and if u had a bad back and cancelled things becus of that you wouldnt stress over it ..its just because its something people dont understand and cant unless they have ben through it .

when I was really ill I had CBT which I found helpfull even though just getting there was a huge problem for me ....but in time Ive learnt to understand my condition a bit more and have learnt ways to control it .....I dont think it will ever go away but its manageable .also I read Claire wekes books if Im having a bad time .

please remember you are not a failure xxx

[Muggles]

You are absolutely not a failure! While you may feel like one, I've just made a decision similar to that you made about your party.

My anxiety level has been soaring. I've realized that part of it is due to an upcoming function that I'm completely dreading. I've always been the dutiful sort and never failed to follow through with anything that's been asked of me.

Yet, I am going to let the hostess know today that I shan't be attending on Saturday and be quite truthful as to why.

The realization that I've been enslaved to the expectations and demands of others causes me to feel weak. I don't feel like a failure, however. It just ins't worth enduring and the anticipatory anxiety of an event I dread.

You aren't a failure at all. It's being realistic and putting your well being first. How can you be anything to anyone else if you aren't healthy?

[teez]

no one raising kids is a failure,,its the toughest job in the world,,also i might add the most rewarding,,i love being a mum,,lol,,but seriously,,no-one could go through what we do on a daily basis and be even considered a failure,,it just wasnt the right time ,,wait a while ,take some pressure off yourself,,be good to yourself, and stay strong you can do this:hugs:

[chantelle]

Hi there,

you are not a failure - you have 4 kids!!!! So have I and that's how I know we are not failures!!!! I started a small craft business last year and worked really long hours 7 days a week coming up to Christmas. I also teach part-time (2 days per week) and so the combination lead to 'burn-out' again!!!! I struggled on but had to give in to it and stop my business - don't feel bad - you don't have to explain yourself to anyone and don't be too hard on yourself. This is an illness like all others and you'll just take time to get over it. Don't worry, you will recover and when you do you'll be able to do your parties again or maybe even something different....look upon this as an opportunity to try something else and in the meantime - be kind to yourself...


A little hug from me to you
to make you smile when you feel blue
to make you happy when you're sad,
to let you know life ain't so bad.
Now I've given a hug to you,
somehow I feel much better too
hugs are better when they're shared.
Hope you have a good day
Thinking of you....


Chantelle

[mummy4]

thanks so much for all your kind words. clearly i was not ment to do the party and admit im being to hard on myself and should not brand myself a failure. only thing is i have no quallifications and not sure of what else to try in the future.
chantelle that poem is lovely xx

[chantelle]

Thanks - a friend txt that to me when I was first sick and I read it again when I feel low - it always brings a smile to my face!!!!!! Soppy or what??? Never worry about qualifications - if something is meant to be it will happen.

I am a teacher but while on a career break I took depression about 20 months ago. I started painting as a therapeutic hobby (hadn't painted since I was at school) and a girl I met who had a gift shop asked me if I could paint 'team colours' onto a footballer for a friend of hers - I did and it snowballed!!! I had my own website (www.ohcrafts.com (http://www.ohcrafts.com)) teeshirts, business premises the lot!!!! Too much too quick, as I was getting over my depression and 6 months after I came off the meds, I took it again, only more severely and combined with GAD. But lesson learnt - I am not going to return to it but will just keep it as a hobby and do a wee bit for ebay. I hope to return to my part-time teaching in a few weeks time when my 4 kids have went back to school (P3, P5, Yr10 & tech).

My eldest son was doing his GCSEs and got 1B & 4 Cs so has got into an engineering course at the local tech. He was at grammar school and was bullied in Yr9. He ended up seeing a psychiatrist and the police were involved!!!! We went through hell and I took a career break as a result and then took this!!!!!! Today, I feel as if this awful time is ending and my anxiety & depression is lessening and so I hope it will be a new start for all of us!!!!! Being a mum is the toughest job you'll ever do and if you can manage that you can do anything.

Sorry to ramble on but I so want you to see how important you are!!! FAMILY stands for Father And Mother I Love You. Keep brave for them. We all have the power within to recover and we will,

Take care

Chantelle