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desperate
17-10-05, 18:15
Hi guys,

Just wondering if anyone can help me a bit.

Errm in a nutshell i made one choice with kinda triggered anxiety and depression in me.

This choice lasted for 2 years and by the end of which i was a big mess basically. That was in July.

Now since I've been home from uni where it happened i have been seeing a regular therpapist.

She was interested in why i made the decision i guess and how i live my life...which has brought up lots of things about the way my family are.

Now i seem to get upset all the time about my family and the way we are and things, i am worried that i just keep transferring my sadness from thing to thing.

Has anyone else had experiences where their childhood and upbringing may have caused you anxiety or to live your life in certain ways?

I guess I'm just in shock a bit in a way that it isn't all my fault in a way...but then at the same time i feel a bit sad and angry as well...esp as my brother suffers a bit too.

Does it get any easier? And how do i cope with news like this and even living in a situation which i now feel totally different about?

I guess I'm just worried as I crying about my choices...now i cry about the way i've been brought up...when does the crying actually stop?

Sorry for the jabbering.

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

Daniel
17-10-05, 19:01
I'm not entirely sure desperate if this is what you mean but I will post this anyway.

I'm the eldest of 3 and I was the testbed with regard to how much freedom I was given and how much I could get away with. I guess I was the one that was wrapped up in cotton wool as my siblings seemed to be given a lot more freedom than I was at a similar age.I always was a quiet kid apparently. My father had very little time for us all when we were kids (and still doesn't).

When I was doing my A levels I felt a lot of pressure to perform from the staff and my family but just as it came to exam time I split up with my girlfriend and everything just fell apart from there on.


I think my restricted freedom whilst growing up was a contriubutory factor to my anxiety and the break up with my girlfriend (and the ensuing lousy A level results) was the final catalyst.

'After the rain comes the sun'

desperate
17-10-05, 19:06
Yes daniel,

This is what i mean i guess....that i wasn't really allowed to see the world as such.

i too experienced pressure round exams...

what i don't see though is if it is embedded in us then how do we change?

any other replies greatly appreciated......



First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

clickaway
17-10-05, 21:06
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Has anyone else had experiences where their childhood and upbringing may have caused you anxiety or to live your life in certain ways?</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Boy, yes!

Apart from being separated from both my parents for six weeks when I was five years old, living with ever-rowing parents and such like, I know the main root cause of my anxiety was having epilepsy aged 11 (which died out when I was 25). That lead to great insecurity in me, with a load of negative self-perception problems on the one hand and a very protective mother on the other.

So yes, I have experienced a lack of freedoms at an age when I should have been exploring the world too. When I was your age, I was unable to drive or take alcohol due to the epilepsy and my own low self-esteem put paid to any social life worth having.

It took a long time for me to grasp the nettle, so finally did so much much later. At about the same time as my first panic attack.

I never had any 'help' and just decided on a strategy myself to get my life together. At that time, panics were only a temporary and infrequent hinderence.

All of a sudden, I was able to swim, drive a car, buy a house and embark on relationships. All because I decided to break out of the world I had been living in.

All of our circumstances are different, but sometimes one decision can change your life.

Be Brave Sarah,


Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

desperate
17-10-05, 22:46
Thank you Ray,

I am trying honestly I am.

I appreciate that reply.

There is/was nothing holding me back apart from the way i think about the world i guess.

It is just hard when i have had a bad experience thrown in too.

I am starting volunteering in Nov/Dec hopefully.



First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!

paladin806
17-10-05, 23:12
Hi Sarah, just want to say that childhood and upbringing can play a big part in the way we percieve, and then, live life. But, i want to say to you, that although it tends to take over your life, and brings a lot of heartache and soul searching, but you can rise above it. you must believe in yourself and believe you can make a difference. Good to hear you taking up volunteering, that is a perfect way to put life into perspective, and the pride and pleasure you take from that will stand you in good stead. Take care. John.

"I heard someone calling my name one day, so i followed that voice down the lost highway"

clickaway
17-10-05, 23:14
Vounteering is a good move.

I do one afternoon a week in a shop.

It will be a good distraction, and give you a different and more positive view of the world.

Cheers

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

Gareth
18-10-05, 10:23
Hi Sarah,

Your upbringing was your foundation. Buildings that are built on rocky foundations tend to lean over or even fall over.

For me, it has taken psychotherapy and a lot of self-analysis for me to realise that my anxiety problems are rooted in my childhood - in my constantly arguing parents, my father leaving us when I was 13, my mother's subsequent depression and attempted suicide... it has all added up to give me a fearful and unrealistic view of the world.

You have to remember that this is not your fault. You also have the right to feel sad, and you should cry if you need to. If you've been dealt a bad hand then that is really sad and you should acknowledge it.

Once you have acknowledged it, it is then time to ask yourself how you want to move on. This is best done with a counsellor or therapist to help you. Have you thought about going to see anyone?

A really good book that I can recommend on the subject is called "What's wrong with you" by Benjamin Fry - it explains how experiences can affect our outlook and therefore how we feel about ourselves and the world. You can get it from amazon I think.

be well,
Gareth

*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***

desperate
18-10-05, 10:35
Thank you Gareth,

I will look into that book.

Nothing really bad happened to me i must stress that. I guess my mum is just a highly strung person and my dad just kinda 'watches' the world.

So i think i always got the sense you have to achieve and plan and there wasn't much spontaniety in my life or unplanned 'fun'.

First Anxiety...then panic attacks...now GAD and depression...now working on a better future!