PDA

View Full Version : My Life Story, Tried to Keep it Short...



Naida
05-09-09, 03:14
Needless to say I am anxious just writing this post...:scared15: But it started when I was a little girl. I would get pounding racing heart out of no where. I remember being tested a lot and told nothing was wrong...I grew up became a teenager, an adult-all fine. One day when my husband and I were signing papers for our first house, out of no where I got that pounding racing heartbeat again. I politely excused myself, but was freaking out inside, had some water and sat in the car and after a few minutes everything went back to normal. I never mentioned it to my hubby.

About 2 years later. While at work I was called into the office with other employess and given a 30 day notice we were being laid off. 2 weeks after that date, sitting at my desk I got that fast pounding heart rate again. This really scared me because the pounding went away, but the racing stayed. My husband came and took me to the emergency room. I had a few tests done and was sent home saying for my age (22) it was normal to happen every now and then. After that day, I tried to cope with it, but was completely frozen with fear. Just moving around the house was a chore for me. I wouldn't get up and move to go to the bathroom for fear my heart would race and I would die...It was a very bad time for me. I didn't leave the house, I was so messed up I wouldn't eat much, I was a wreck...In the meantime, I started going to the doctor who tested me using Holter Monitor, EKG, Echo, stress test and blood work (to check thyroid, etc) and eventually diagnosed me with Sinus Tachycardia. Hearing this was devastating to me, I feel that anything wrong with your heart is a big deal. Not only that, she prescribed me Atenolol 25mg once daily and said I had heart disease and if I didn't take it, I would die...That only made me worse. I have been a wreck since then.

I changed doctors who prescribed me Propranolol because the other med wasn't keeping my symptoms at bay. Not very long after seeing my first doctor (the one who said I will die) I developed severe anxiety...I would panic all the time, even being at home. I developed new habits: finding it very hard to sleep at night afraid I would die, keeping the tv on to help soothe me so I can have some light in the room and hear a little noise to lull me to sleep. Also, I started becoming agoraphobic-avoiding places where I've had pounding/racing heartbeats at...I stopped driving or going anywhere outside of the home for about 8-9 months. My life was completely on hold/stopped...My husband worked a full-time labor job, did the food shopping, cooked, cleaned. I was just another body in the house, I felt horrible to say the least...

Something inside me clicked and said, wait a minute I'm 23 what is wrong with me!! So I tried to do small things like go to the Post Office and come home. We had to drive to our mailbox at that time, so I drove to check the mail and came home. I tried a once to go to Walmart to get the groceries and had a meltdown there, but suprisingly I finished checking out and drove home. I didn't unload the groceries though, just the milk and eggs, lol. My hubby did it when he came home. But during that time of trying to get back out, places I freaked out at, I would eventually avoid-NO malls, large stores, definetly no Walmart and lastly I don't walk anywhere. My hubby drops me off at the door of whereever we go and sometimes picks me up. Because of the Tachycardia, I've come to also avoind anything that will raise my heartrate for fear I will die. Over the years I've led a very sedatary lifestyle...I avoided going out with friends or even having close friends. Though I'm very content being to myself and just having my husband around. It's not normal by a long shot, but has worked for the years. I've seen 3 cardiologists when living in Arizona, btw all to say my results are normal, just a fast heartrate at times.

Recently, this passed Monday I've had a Chiropractor appointment to go to. I had to drop my husband off and work and then travel an additional 30 minutes to the office. I didn't want to go, I don't like driving far at all. During the ride to drop hubby off, my heart started racing and it was skipping beats this time. I COMPLETLY PANICKED. We got to his job and I called 911. I was so embarassed, because it was at his job with a firetruck and ambulance. It was my decision to ride to the hospital, my heart skipped the whole time and I was anxious the whole time. I was hooked up and monitored for 4 1/2 hours, I had blood work done to determine if my heart was abnormal. Everything came back fine. My heart skipped the whole time while being monitored and I was told I was experiencing something called PVC, palpitations and it was normal, but to follow up with my doc anyway. Because I was so nervous about being in the ER, he also gave me 15 days of Xanax. Before this episode, I saw my cardiologist and had an holter monitor done for 24 hours-normal and also an Echo (normal). So when I came to followed up with my cardiologist-but didn't want to see him because I wanted a second opinion...He reviewed my records, my pressure was up like 134 over something-not too bad, but I felt different. He scheduled a stress test today. My target heartrate to get up to was supposed to be 162-BUT because I avoid strenous activity, exercise, white-coat symdrome, OBSESSED with my heart. I panicked all nite before the exam and when in the exam room, I freaked out and was only able to stay on the treadmill for 3 minutes getting my rate only up to 140-not enough for an accurate reading unfortunately. But there again my pressure was up 140/90 (I think). I definetly felt off and have been feeling like this all day even after the appointment. They upped my dosage of Propranolol from 20mg twice a day to 20mg in the morning and 40mg at night.

I feel very anxious about all this and I'm almost positive that's why my pressure is up. I DON"T like upping my meds, but if I have to...

Symptoms of anxiety that I've found on this site that I couldn't find anyone else to understand but here - feeling off balance quite often (thats why I don't like walking/exercising/standing for long periods of time), weak legs at times, becoming too aware of my breathing patterns, lightheaded, always nervous, overwhelmed at times, cold hands/feet, hot flashes, etc...My hang up-I AM COMPLETELY OBESESSED WITH MY HEART!! I always feel like I'm going to die.

Thank you for reading all this. I'm just so happy to find a place to relate to others!!

My question is where do I go from here! I so overwhelmed and want to get better and I'm exhausted...Physically and mentally......

gtrgrl3369
05-09-09, 14:48
I am sure I dont need to tell you that what you are feeling is anxiety, you have all the signs of it and last year I could have written that myself. I can tell you how I got over my fear of my heart and the dizziness and maybe it would help. I had the feelings of weak legs, dizziness, headaches like you wouldnt believe, skipping heart beats, you name it I had it. I have a heart murmur that I have had since birth so I know all about the feeeling of skipped beats too well, mine hurt so bad sometimes it hurts to breathe, but for some reason that was the one thing that didnt scare me. Anyway, I decided I had had enough of how I was feeling, I went and got books at the library on anxiety and read everything I could, I would leave the house everyday even if it was only to take a short walk. When the dizziness can, instead of going straight into my room where I felt safe, I would stay where I was and let it come over me. I finally figured out that the less I fight it, the faster it goes away. You have to learn to not fight the symptoms, once your mind realizes you are no longer scared of them they really do go away. Fear is what keeps the anxiety going. It is alot of hard work, but it can be done. I have had one slip since last year and that was last week after the dentist. Take care and the best thing you can do for yourself is to let your mind relax. Let me know if I can help.:hugs:

mollymahoney
05-09-09, 17:16
Hi Naida,

I've only been a member for a few days...I've never felt at ease to know I am not alone and there are people who know firsthand what I've been going through.

And gtrgrl3369, thanks for the advice, I'll definitely keep it in mind. It had always been "flight" for me in the fight or flight reaction to panic in the sense that I get scared and try to find a "safe" place to contain me. Thus, I fear going to places that are inaccessible for fear I might pass out right there and then should I not get to a safe place. But how long could I keep living this way right?

Naida
05-09-09, 17:34
It is a relief to know that I am not alone as well...I just joined last night and was feeling panic just doing that! I want desperately to change, but don't know if I am strong enough to make it happen...

gtrgrl3369 awesome advice also, thank you. I ordered a natural med called PureCalm, I am going to try it and hope it helps also...

From where I am now-obsessed with my heart, panic almost every moment of the day and semi-agoraphic. Where do I even start??

gtrgrl3369
05-09-09, 17:37
Hi Molly, the only way to keep this anxiety going is to give in and go to your safe place when it happens. Next time stay and face it, whats the worst thats going to happen? You wont die, I promise that and the uncomfortable fear feeling will go away. The more we fight the worse it gets, when you stand up for yourself and face it it will go away. Its like a big bad bully, it will push you around as long as you let it. Once you face up to it it backs down. Take care and let me know if I can help...:yesyes:

Blot
05-09-09, 18:15
Hi there, like you I have a huge fear of heart disease.I too get the fast heartrate, the palpitaions, ectopic heart beats etc. I have had these symptoms on & off since 2000.Let me tell you that I still feel frightened by the symptoms & spend time anxiously fearing that there is something wrong with my heart.Like you I have had stress ecgs,seen cardiologists,had 24 hour halters to check my heart beat & blood pressure & all the cardiologists,GPS have told me that there is nothing wrong with my heart.I really really relate to your fear.xxxxx

calamity jane
05-09-09, 19:58
this may sound too simplistic and dumb, but is in a book called how to heal your life. I believe it whol heartedly and it has worked many times for me. You must say in your head even before the anxiety hits.
"I trust the flow of life."
"everything is in place"
"I will trust the flow of life"
Once I asked myself...what's the worst that would happen if I die? I won't have to worry about it, because I will be gone. Everyone moves on from death eventually. My daughter will be fine. my family will be fine. That is the flow of life. Thankfully I am here today to enjoy it. TO ENJOY IT. Keyword ENJOY. after saying that and believing that everything will be fine wether I die or not. why should I live in death now? anyway the 3 sentaces is what helps me most. Check out the book! It's grreat!!!