Hello everyone.

[Luci-loo]

Just wanted to introduce myself. I'm 28 and suffer from anxiety, agrophobia and sometimes depression rears its ugly head.

I'm hoping that on a forum just for anxiety sufferers that people will understand my somewhat embarassing phobia- it was so hard for me to admit it really delayed me getting better as I never told anyone and could never get the help I needed.

I am terrified of wetting myself- so much so that I often reduce my fluid intake to the point that I am seriously dehyrated and actually make myself ill. I never leave the house unless I know there will be a toilet at the other end and a journey that takes more than 10 minutes by car is almost impossible.

At the moment I am awaiting my second lot of CBT, the first wasn't very successful as often I couldn't get down to meet with my therapist if I was having a bad day. However a space has opened and a new assistant nurse is coming to my home to try and do the CBT from here and hopefully get me out and about more. I'm trying to be hopeful about it as having someone forcing me out is a scary thought (not just out but out when I've not had a pee first is the scary part) but hoping it all goes well.

[JohnLuke300]

Hello and welcome Luci-loo,

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, phobia's are irrational fears but that sounds one of the more rational ones. I can actually claim to have wet myself in a room of 30-40 people, it was caused by my social phobia but I think the irony is you are probable far less likely to do it than I. It's surprising that I don't have the phobia too, but I have no such fear.

So I can completely empathize with what you are saying.

There are a lot of friendly and knowledgeable people on this site to give you plenty of advice and support.

All the best,
John

[chantelle]

Welcome to NMP - on here we understand each other and your phobia is real to you!!!!! If you learn to say - so what if I wet myself it will get more bearable. Take care and try to relax about it......





A little hug from me to you
to make you smile when you feel blue
to make you happy when you're sad,
to let you know life ain't so bad.
Now I've given a hug to you,
somehow I feel much better too
hugs are better when they're shared.
Hope you have a good day
Thinking of you....

Chantelle

[teez]

welcome to a place where nothings so bad that we cant talk about and do lol, hope you settle in ok :hugs:

[Luci-loo]

Thanks for the welcome.

It's funny when people say it's almost rational as I always maintain it is, in fact I banged on about what it felt like so much my therapist confessed that she ended up needing to go to the loo herself after our session. It's such a vicous circle, worrying and geting anxious about it leads to panic which makes me need to go even more so then I think my worry is justified and it all goes downhill from there. The main issue is not so much the actual phobia but the way in which I deal with it. Before it was easy- don't drink so when I worry I could say nah don't need had nothing to drink today but to get better I need to drink more than 1 and a half glasses of water a day which is what I was doing before.

Unfortunatley my phobia stems from an actual incident, after a few too many we left the pub (I was in Greece at the time) and didn't use the loo as it had no paper and we were only 5 mins from home. My ex was driving and thought it was really funny to circle our house jiggling the car by taking his foot on and off the accelarator and I dribbled. He never let me forget it and eventually that one joke took over my life. It was over 9 years ago and it's only been in the last 18 months or so that I've really been able to explain my exact fears and where they came from. I'm hoping now I can look back and say what happened I'll start to get somewhere but it's a really long road.

[JohnLuke300]

I have a question for you if you don't mind answering. Do you fear wetting yourself only in public? Or do you fear doing it in private as well?

[Luci-loo]

All the time, sometimes I can't even sleep as I worry too much about waking in a wet patch.

At home it isn't as bad as the loo is right there where I need it but I've been sat outside my loo is tears before when my OH was in there doing his business. Luckily he is very understanding and if he foresees himself spending some time in there usually forewarns me.

[JohnLuke300]

I know this might sound radical but have you ever considered purposely wetting yourself in the privacy of you own home. It might sound mad but it is based on logic. The best technique to defeat a phobia is to expose yourself to it. Other than doing it somewhere that can be easily cleaned up, there is know real damage done from wetting yourself. By doing it in privacy there is no one to witness it, and no need to be embarrassed. Your brain is reacting logically to anxiety, because wetting yourself causes anxiety, it believes that you are in danger when you do it. By doing in your home you are training you brain that there is no real danger from the act and the anxiety starts to subside.

[Luci-loo]

I'm working on exposure therapy of sorts, I wait til I actually need, thats what causes the anxiety and makes me feel physically sick, and try hold off as long as I can. The theory is that I'll gradually get used to the feeling and reduce my anxiety.

Silly as it sounds letting go could make matters worse as I would have a time scale- ie I would know how long it took from needing to actually going. The current approach is more- you can wait 2 minutes while you are *bursting* (or think I am) and not wet yourself and slowly work my way up.

I've abused my bladder for so long now though I need to completly re-train it. I've even been sent to urology to find out if it's been shrunk through years of dehydration. I'm currently on the waiting list to see a nurse about this because I currently have a bladder as small as a 5year old. So the irony is that by worrying about it it's almost a reality as my bladder is so much smaller now.

[JohnLuke300]

The idea was to train you brain to realize the actual act of wetting yourself was not dangerous. But if it is the sensation that causes the anxiety then I can see how that is problematic. Your anxiety is not only feeding your phobia it is also causing your bladder to loosen which causes further anxiety.

[Luci-loo]

It's what makes it so hard and sometimes I don't know what comes first, needing to go and getting anxious or getting anxious about maybe needing to go and then needing to go because I'm anxious.

A lot of people don't get it though, there theory is if you need to go just go but generally as soon as soon as I'm in a situation where I can't get up and go the second I need to I start to panic. This has lead to a claustraphobia of sorts.

[JohnLuke300]

I think it is probably a bit of both.

And the reason they don't get it is because they don't have high levels of anxiety or panic when they need to go the toilet like you do. If they did then they soon would have a problem too.

[JohnLuke300]

You have the extra problem, most anxiety sufferers anxiety is triggered by negative thoughts. Yours is not only triggered by negative thoughts it is also being triggered by the sensation of wanting to go to the toilet.

[Luci-loo]

It's so nice that people get it though.

My OH god bless him is excellent but often confesses to me that he can't keep up with my changing the rules as I go along to suit my mood.

Hopefully this time round I can beat it, I have an excellent boyfriend, doctor and therapist so I'm trying to stay positive.

[JohnLuke300]

I am glad to see you are trying to stay positive, that is very important. It is also important that you have people who are willing to support you. I think you have a good foundation from which to overcome you phobia. So if you need any advice or some sympathetic words let us all know and we will be more than willing to oblige.

Best of luck
John