Worried I won't have a successful future

[phil06]

I'm 21 in about 4 weeks and I'm genuinely worried this is it. My future won't be successful and I won't make something of myself. Every thing's a struggle..had three failed college attempts which has left me with no confidence to go back and study. I've had about 10 jobs none of any great significance other than earn me a few pounds. And I've had two failed relationships and a long two year spell single which has left me insecure.

It doesn't help that this year has never really taken off for me. I've done little only positive is learning to drive but it's something I needed to do at 18. It's gridlock there failed my theory test so won't be passed for my birthday.

It stuck me today that maybe this is as good as it gets..I'll always struggle..in the last week I have applied to 10 or more jobs they got back to me with interviews but declined me before I even got the to the interview date due to the high demand these days for work. My job's not even safe anyway as my company is making pay offs and I want paid off as I hate my job but I don't want to sign on either.

I just have so many areas to improve..friendship, work, finances, love life but no joy. I can't be faulted for trying I try but everything now causes me anxiety as I've just been so unsuccessful in achieving the final product this year. A few optimistic changes turn sour when nothing comes of it or it was never meant to be. It's crushed my confidence totally now I feel a waster..I'm struggling for money since going part time just feel it's a no win situation for me no matter what I do.

I just want a normal live, finish the driving, get a g.f, a house, have a family but I can't see it. I'm worried the clock will tick away and before I know it I'll be 30, 40 , or 50. 21 is the peak now isn't it...I'm concerned about my looks..that i'm not what I use to be. Feeling it's all downhill from here..was hoping for a party to wash the downside off but that won't happen.

Yes I could meet a g.f tomorrow or get a new job but I've been wishing it for over two years and I'm out of stream and belief and I expect the worst now as that's what happens...any slight opportunity turns sour. Maybe it's just me or bad luck but it seriously causes me anxiety. I feel I don't know what i want or need anymore. Suffer panic attacks and just want to sit online until 3am most nights as I don't care these days..keep trying for dates ect.. in that time but no joy. I won't give up but I feel I'm fighting with myself and nothing will go right anytime soon.

Sadly if it keeps going I duno what frame of mind I'll be in..I just wish i could relax and get some success to keep me going and be positive. :weep: I don't know what positive words will help as nobody on here or anywhere can wave a magic wand..it might improve..get worse or stay the same?

[Mamfa85]

Sometimes we can try to hard, im glad your not giving up as i know anxiety causes some depression but all i can say is fight your way through.Look for friendship first that is always the best way.Im only a few years older but a lot can change in a blink of an eye. tc

[phil06]

What am I going to do? I am soo stressed it's unreal ..my appalling luck plus my mum and dad and friends around me are negative. I have a 21st night out in a few weeks and it looks like none of few of my friends will be there, some with no cash but most not even getting back to me. I have no luck in love..I've been through the jobs and feel I'm back at square one. My friends are hardly the best at the moment but it hardly helps when your mum says you have no friends!

I failed my theory test and feel like giving up the driving..my confidence is low..I can't find a date..had a few cancel on me or not to go plan..jobs I applied to 10 jobs heard back from two..one I was unable to make as there was a postal strike and it arrived late. I tried to rearrange and they never called back..another refused me the job by email a day after they called me for an interview for a week later.

Who on earth has such bad luck? I failed a health and safety exam at work a few months back three times and I was the only person to ever fail..no wonder I'm worried I won't have a successful future. I'm always back to square one..21 years of going round in circles only now I don't have a back up of school.

Yet again today I keep trying..applied to another job, still messaging on dating sites putting my heart into wanting to improve my life..I've had better (even if brief)..I'm so upset and hurt at my run of the luck. It's horrible and I can't take it much longer. I find myself having a go at my mum or having a go at friends..people who I might get dates with when they let me down just as it's yet another thing gone wrong. Makes me feel I'm going crazy or mad.

I just need to talk..find some solutions..don't get me wrong I've made things last longer but really find all the above hard..nothing works. I'm mixed anger blame others and partly hold my own head in shame as I've not done myself enough good. :weep: :doh:

[harasgenster]

Hi
I know exactly how you feel. I've just turned 23 and feel like I've done nothing with my life. It's a little bit of a different situation and different motivations. I went to university and worked really hard and, in the end, came out top of my year. My career (in writing) has been my main motivation in life since I was 10. Back then I wanted to be a journalist but nowadays I write comedy. But it hasn't happened. I made a mistake when I came out of university by going into a postgraduate degree in filmmaking, thinking this was a more secure future than writing (which really is difficult to get into). I did the editing and sound on a short documentary then got ill and left the course. Since then I've worked in low-paid and unstimulating admin and customer-service jobs. I'm miserable and frustrated. I had it all planned out and I tried so hard. I can't imagine being happy without the career I've wished for for so many years. For about 18months I stopped trying altogether. I barely turned up to work (don't know how I didn't get sacked), stopped eating well or looking after the way I looked, and definitely didn't do any writing. The more I didn't write the more I felt like a failure and the more I felt like a failure the more difficult it became to write.
Now I write all the time and I've got the motivation back to try hard. I'm putting everything into it, working nights and weekends after my dayjob. But if anything the stress is worse. I'm exhausted from working so hard and I'm terrified it just won't go anywhere. Someone will turn round to me one day and say "I'm sorry love, you just haven't got it. You're just not good enough". And this is all I've ever placed my life on. Weirdly, I was watching the X Factor the other night and saw some terrible singer who had based all her dreams on a musical career get told that she had no talent and had to give up. I thought, "what if I'm as deluded as she is?"
I also find myself blaming others or other factors. I have bad luck, I'm working class and I can't afford to do the unpaid work experience most people do. There's so many excuses.
I don't know what to say to help you. Except that life is never over at 21. You're still learning a lot of things. You'll meet someone eventually (I haven't been with anyone for a while either but I'm not worried), you'll find another job (Until recently I worked in recruitment and it really is a bad market right now). I know you feel you have no reason to believe it but I think this is true. Perhaps it just helps to feel there are other people around your age worried? Even if it is about different parts of our lives.
Good luck
x

[amu]

Hi Phil

just wanted to say chin up. Regarding the girlfriend matter, you should really worry less about it right now because my experience is that whenever you are trying too hard and wishing all the time that you had someone and count the days since you last had sex :blush: then things never happen.
However, when you forget about it a bit and concentrate on other things the girl (well the boy for me) magically appears!

Regarding jobs, you are not the only one who is having tough luck finding any. You know the rule: 100 applications, 10 interviews, 1 job! I am actually impressed that a good couple of employers have come back to you with a positive answer. Just keep applying and it will happen! And if I wereyou I would consider going back to college - you are still so young! Possibly you could do something else this time, something you are really interested in and therefore have the motivation to go through with?

Regarding failed tests etc: a lot of this is often the result of anxiety. I mean often people with anxiety can't concentrate on working, studying, learning. You sound a bit depressed and it may be worth going to the doctor and get referral for CBT?

The part that is most familiar for me is the worry that my friends won't turn up for my party and therefore I avoid organising parties overall, hahaha! But you know what, don't care about the people that can't make it, it's their problem and if there is only one friend who can join you in the celebration then go out with that only one and have a brilliant time not caring about the others!!! :hugs:

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

What qualifications do you have? I ask because if you don't have 3 A levels or equivalent such as a BTEC, you can do them free at a local college if you're under 25, which obviously you are. That won't cost you anything and will help with the job prospects..what line of work are you in, is there any possibility you could train or look at changing to a different line of work?

I think feeling a failure is such a self-imposed thing. I am almost certain to graduate with a First quite soon and I'm down for a funded Masters degree, but sometimes I stare at the ceiling at night wondering ya know, WTF am I even doing on this planet? I honestly do know the feeling you're talking about, and I havn't worked out the solution yet other than to find value in things other than work or qualifications or whatever.

If its any consolation, my boyfriend's life changed drastically in the year between him turning 21 and him turning 22. He got a girlfriend (me, obviously! Hope I'm the only one!), moved out, got a job, started re-considering education (he dropped out of A levels first time). Today is actually his first day back at college. I tell you this story as a reminder things can change RAPIDLY...often, for the better.

Come to think of it, I was on the verge of killing myself when I was 17..my parents wouldn't leave me alone at one point. I'm going to cry buckets at my graduation ceremony because I've come a long way. And I'm nothing special; its just that the only thing about life is that it never stays the same. And the other good thing is that you can chivvy it along by looking at what options you have open to you. I can't tell you what they are, but if you research them they are there!