View Full Version : I don't know what to do!!!
xBettyBoopx
06-09-09, 18:38
I'm having such a bad time, I don't know what to do!!
I am missing Lady more & more & I can't cope. The shaking started again last night although not as bad as when she passed away, but twitching a lot & muscles jerks, if these are anxiety symptoms, they are just more to add to all the others that I've had for 34 years.
When my Lady passed away, I had support from a few neighbours & even my dad phoned me every day, sometimes 3 times a day, but all that's gone now & I am completely alone. I just feel I need to go into hospital to get some sort of relief from these overwhelming symptoms. I'm not eating properly & the weight is falling off of me, I'm not big to start with.
I can't really even put into words how I feel, there are no words, I've been really bad before but not like this. I'm so tired of feeling like this all day every day & only getting relief with sleep. Doctors don't seem to really care. I start counselling on 1 October but I can't wait.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just not good enough to be here & that's why my life has been hell, then other times I think that I haven't been that bad & I deserve some happiness. I swing from one mood to another within minutes. The guilt over not being able to get Lady to the vets is killing me. From the time I wake up til the time I go to sleep there are just two things on my mind, me & Lady! I'm just never going to get over this. I am so alone with my symptoms & my guilt & missing her so much. I need help quickly!!
Els
AntiLove_SuperStar
06-09-09, 19:11
I hear the huge amount of pain in your post and I am so sorry that Lady's passing has made you feel so bad.
Obviously I don't know all the details, but I do know that a lot of pet owners feel guilty when their pet dies, because they think they should have done more. You sound like you loved her tremendously and I doubt you could have done more - and in tough situations, all we can do is our best, and I'm positive on some level Lady would have felt that.
There is nothing to do about grief but to feel it, allow yourself to feel sad and eventually it will pass. I promise, it will..eventually. In the meantime, you need to emphasise that you are in a bad way to your doctor and you need something/one to tide you over until counselling. I get the feeling that Lady's death has been "the straw that broke the camel's back"?
I've also found the Samaritans extremely helpful when life all seemed too much and I was at rock bottom. I cant remember the number but if you Google it you'll find it easily.
i agree with antilove, you cleary loved missy dearly.
i can relate to this one, my dog was killed in a road accident right in front of me about 2years ago...i left the house to post a letter just up the street and he'd gotten out and followed me, he ran right out onto the road and the car didnt stop, i was in shock and ran home and left him there, untill i neighbour came and collected him and took him back to their house because i couldnt bare to look at him...he died in their garage in my neighbours arms. the guilt i felt was unbelieveable, i couldnt believe that i couldnt even comfort him and i cried so much afterwards. but i know that while he was alive, he was truly loved and spoiled and i take comfort in remembering him alive and happy rather than how it ended.
it will all pass and soon enough you will be able to look back and feel happy, i got another dog a little later, and only recently got another pup, it makes me feel good spoiling them too and at the same time remembering that casper had the same life of happiness.
Hi Elspeth
I havent lost a pet so i dont no how to help, but just wanted to send u :hugs: :hugs:
love mandie x
elspeth, your post made me cry. I know exactly how you feel. I had my first big panic attack 2 months ago and believe it was a delayed reaction to my cat having to be put down. She had cancer, and we'd only taken her to the vet for a checkup so were expecting her to be coming home with us. It was only when the vet did an x ray and showed us how far the cancer had spread, that we had to make the decision there and then. Being in the room when the vet put her to sleep was the worst thing that has ever happened, and I can't get it out of my head. This was back in March, and I still can't get over it, in fact, it seems to be getting worse. I suppose it's like a form of post traumatic stress disorder. Like you, I don't know what to do. I know everyone says it was the kindest thing and I know it was, but it doesn't take the pain away. Please pm me anytime, perhaps we can get through this together.
hi elspeth i lost my dog 2 years ago i know how you are feeling ,its horrible but it will ease with time, ive now got another dog called mason who is 1 he will never take over from smudge but it def has helped it heal a bit sending you lots of hugs:hugs: :hugs:
:hugs: Hi Els:hugs:
You poor thing I so know where you are coming from with the guilt thing!!!
I have never mentioned this on NMP cos it still hurts but some years ago I had 2 yorkies, I lived next door to a freind of mine who had 2 alsations
One morning I was tired and was in bed, my son (then 10) was downstairs when all of a sudden I heard this dreadful noise..... when my son started screaming I got up to discover that my freinds alsations had burst through the fence....one of my yorkies was killed outright and the other survived just:weep:
She then had both her dogs put to sleep:weep:
So in one day 3 dogs lost their lives and all because I had a lie in:lac:
So please dont feel guilty about not getting Lady to the vet, obviously I dont know the details but could the vet have saved her anyway???
As for help I believe the Blue Cross do telephone councelling for bereaved owners and you always have us here:hugs:
I know how painful all this can be and there is little you can do to ease the pain Im afraid.....I still cant talk about that dreadful day but felt I had to tell you so you are not alone:hugs:
I so wish I could help you Els but the only practical help I can offer is as I have said before about asking around some of my contacts to see if you can adopt a cat in need in Ladys memory but I realise the time is not right for you yet
Feel free to Pm me
In the meanwhile take good care:hugs:
Luv Kaz x x x:bighug1:
reallyfedup
08-09-09, 12:04
you are grieving and it's normal love. It would be unusual if you didn't feel anything when you lose someone or a pet that you love. Try to tell yourself that in time it will pass but if you feel you need more help talk to your dr or try phoning a helpline for anxiety and grief.
Elspeth,
I feel for you and am so sorry about Lady. I know the grief you feel. I had two wonderful mini schnauzers. The white one, Pretty Boy, was the sweetest, most well behaved little dog I'd ever known. I put him and my other schnauzer, Heidie out to potty in our fenced backyard, almost four years ago. After a couple minutes I went to let them back in and Heidie was alone. I went out into the cold, dark backyard looking for Pretty Boy and couldn't find him. Then I saw him lying on the ground in a coma like state. I picked him up and rushed him to the vet. I could tell something must have gotten over our fence and attacked him. He had two bite marks on his neck. I ended up having him put to sleep because the vet said his lung was punctured and he was having trouble breathing and looks like he had been without oxygen. I didn't want him to suffer. They revived his heart once, but he was just too hurt.
Anyway, I was so devastated. A couple days later we saw coyotes running behind the fence in our backyard, so I know that they must have jumped over the fence to get to him.
Last April, My heidie, who was 16 was so blind that she kept running into everything and hurting herself. She couldn't really hear anymore, would potty on the floor every hour or so, walk into it, walk into her water bowl, just had no quality of life so after a year of that I decided to put her to sleep.
I know this is a sad story, I am bawling right now, typing this. You will always miss Lady, but it will get easier over time. Try to think of all the good times you had with her. I was so protective of my dogs, and I just never thought that anything like that would ever happen.
Have you thought of getting another pet? I really thinking that counseling with help and I hope you can get in soon.
I wish you all the best.
Ro
Elspeth I know exactly what you are going through. In febuary I had to have my cat put to sleep and it was quite honestly the hardest thing I ever had to do and 3 or 4 weeks later I was still crying and grief-stricken because the hole he had left was too big to fill. Even now I still worry about my remaining cats all time and on the hpone to my vet at the slightest sneeze. I found a lot of comfort in reading the rainbow bridge poem (I posted it in the pets section in your post about Lady).
The thing I found I missed the most was looking after him, he was old and demanding and his belly had an alarm clock and woe betide me if I ever fed him late. He would find me and shout like the little old man he was, I missed his milk addcition and his crazy chirps every time I opened the fridge. He needed 2 lots of tablets and bum wiping and when I didn't have that to do anymore I missed and every time his feeding or tablet time rolled around I would get a pang.
In the end my OH suggested kittens in an attempt to keep me busy so I wouldn't miss looking after him so much so I adopted an ex-feral kitten who needed a lot of care and patience so he could get used to people, while there we got picked by another kitten who decided we weren't taking his friend away without him so we took them both home. The kittens make me smile and caring for a cat that's slowly getting better instead of worse has helped somewhat but I still miss my Henry and will always miss him because there will never be another cat like him (maybe just as well as no-one would have cats!!) it just that after a while you somehow get used to missing them.
Hi Elspeth,
Oh my, I think I'm gonna cry reading your post. I know exactly how you are feeling after losing two cats in the space of about 2 years under horrible circumstances.
I know you probably don't want to hear this, but honestly getting yourself a new friend (one that you can rescue from a shelter is the best idea) will really help you heal. We all know how much love and happiness an animal brings to our lives and I promise you if you take that leap of faith you will feel much better.
It is not disrespectful to Lady, just look at it that Lady is sending you another soul to take care of. I lost my cat Tori after a terrible illness and went to the shelter a couple of days later and of the 3 cats there, this cute black cat put its paw out of the cage and made me feel like she was chosing us. We took her home and love her to death and have had her 9 years now.
Please just think about it, I just know it would bring a smile to your face to have another furry soul to take care of.
I still cry sometimes when I think about the 2 I lost or look at pictures but oh the joy of my Starry makes my heart churn because I love her so much.
Hang in there my friend, take that leap and bring some happiness back to your life.
Natalie xx
Hi Elspeth,
It is not disrespectful to Lady, just look at it that Lady is sending you another soul to take care of. I lost my cat Tori after a terrible illness and went to the shelter a couple of days later and of the 3 cats there, this cute black cat put its paw out of the cage and made me feel like she was chosing us. We took her home and love her to death and have had her 9 years now.
That's exactly what Basil did, we were looking at the little scared feral kitten when Basil came up and tapped my boyfriend on the shoulder and tried to get in the carrier! Turns out although they weren't from the same litter they were best of friends and both ended up coming home with us!
I do think another pet may help but don't rush into it, just take your time and wait to be picked!
I too know how you're feeling Elspeth. Sending you lots of :hugs:
Wendy xx
Are you ok Els???:hugs:
Noticed you havent been around for a bit:flowers:
Thinking of you:hugs:
Kaz x x x:bighug1:
Every time I cry about my cat that had to be put down, my husband always says "She'll be back, she just has to find us again". He is convinced that when you lose a beloved pet, they always come back to you again, altho in a different body, but maybe one day a stray may attach itself to you...it will choose you out of everyone else. As Luci loo said "Wait to be picked". If you can have some faith in that, then you may find a little ray of light at the end of the tunnel. After losing my cat I was desperatley searching the pet bereavement sites just to try and find one tiny piece of comfort, and came across a lovely little book called "For every cat an angel". It has wonderful reviews on amazon from many many people who have gained comfort from it. A vet said she gives them to people when she has to put their cats to sleep. I know nothing anyone says can take away your pain at the moment, mine too is very raw 6 months later, but have faith that the pain will ease, and look forward to the day when you can give your love to another little person who needs it. It's what Lady would want you to do. x
xBettyBoopx
09-09-09, 22:43
You are all so very very kind with your words of sympathy, understanding & comfort, especially as I have talked about it a lot since it happened which is 3 weeks ago tomorrow.
You are a great bunch of people & I certainly hope that God will send another lil one for me to look after & love, but not yet, God, it's too early!
Hello Kazzie, I have been here every night, I have been posting about all my 'new' symptoms since about March of this year:weep: Thank you for wondering about me, it's lovely to know that people are looking out for me, even though you don't know me:)
http://i150.photobucket.com/albums/s103/yourspacecooment/thank_you/3.jpg
http://lady-brosnan.pets.gonetoosoon.org/file/scale__600x500/fb83f7ae47c2c8772be7ffa880bc290a/79179_1252035708.jpg
Love
Els
xxx
Awwww Els:hugs:
Sorry if I missed your other posts:wacko:
I feel like I know you even tho we have never met in "real life"
I do agree with you tho God will send you another puss to love and Lady will purr with approval Im sure
My beloved Jonesy dissapeared without trace 2 years ago and only a few weeks ago we heard of a kitty needing a good home and we welcomed Snoop catty cat into our home:)
I hope you too find a new furry friend( or more likely one will find you!!!)
In the meanwhile be kind to yourself and Im here if you need me....I so understand what you are going thru x x x
Bless you Els :hugs:
Losing a beloved pet is a dreadful thing to go through, I know how you feel :hugs:
You will give another puss a loving home one day when you feel you can. Its a great feeling to rescue a cat and maybe if you do it in Ladys memory you'd feel better,
Sue
x
Anxious_gal
11-09-09, 00:48
aw when my cat died after 10 years, I was heart broken, I went out and ending up getting a new kitten, I had decided to call her Cherry, so when I met the family it turns out the children had already named her Cherry.
so of course i think it was "meant to be".
I love my cat and when she was a kitten she was so cute and silly and she loved cuddles , it really helped lift my mood.
she's not a kitten anymore but she's such an amusing cat she always make me laugh.
you will feel better eventually. i know it's like your cat was your baby, so of course it will be hard to move on.
i wish you all the best
Hi Elspeth,
I want to send you really big hugs. Your post made me cry and I had to work myself up to reading it because I had a dog called Lady that we lost.
Greiving for a pet can be so hard. In fact there was an article about it in the Guardian a while ago saying that many pet owners need to take about a fortnight off work because they are so upset (longer than some people take for people lol). It said we should understand more how devastating this can be.
The only thing I can say is that it will get better with time. I can now look at pictures of my Lady and smile and I also do feel she is a little like my guardian angel - watching over me.
I now have two dogs - both gorgeous and I love them very much. They will never replace her and she will always stay in my heart but the love they give me is a massive comfort and I love them both immensely.
I think you are right to get another pet - in your own time. You will know when you feel ready and although this feels awful you need to greive right now. One thing someone said to me when my dad died that weirdly helped me was that - yep you feel terrible and you are going to feel terrible. And all you can do is walk through it and slowly but surely at some point you will start to feel better. It sounds strange but the fact they just acknowledged how bad I felt but told me to just keep going through it as best I could helped me a lot.
There are also some brilliant books on grief that really helped me - I will try and find them and put the names on here later.
Lots and lots of love.
Holly. x
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.