calamity jane
07-09-09, 04:23
Hi I am new. I am calling myself calamity jane because I feel out of control and a big mess most of the time! I am disorganized, I self indulge to feel good then feel bad and guilty about where the indulgences get me... ie. food, shopping, drinking, being lazy...I have BAD health anxiety too. If I ever have Anything wrong with me, I am conviced it will lead to certain death! Heart attack mostly. I smoke and am 27 and constantly worry I will have a heart attack. I have panic attacks. I have been to the hospital ER 3x for suspected heart attack. They take tests and tell me I am okay. I am too young for a heart attack, the next set of tests is too invasive for my symptoms and They send me home with meds for anxiety. I have seen my reg doc. and have had ekgs even wore a heart monitor for 3 days...nothing...I am on medication now. It helps a lot. I still get attacks at night when I am alone with my mind. I hate it. I have a daughter and live alone. I used to think I would die and she would find me and not know what to do. I hate it. I hate it. Recently I have had to clear my throat CONSTANTLY I am scared I have throat cancer from smoking. I want to quite, but it makes my anxiety so much worse. I like everyone's suggestions. I have a couple of my own. Sometimes to calm me I just repeat a word that reminds me of something safe and comforting. I say it slowly and focus on how good it makes me feel. I use God, Home, and Family. I find that as much as I love my daughter, I can't use her name because I worry about her too much and it usually has the opposite effect...Anyway hope to talk to you all more:)