A really difficult day & I feel like a loser

[Blot]

Hi all, I have had such a difficult day.I woke up with that feeling of foreboding,dread & by 9h30 I had had my first run of ectopic heartbeats,palpitations.I just felt so scared:scared15: .My day has been peppered by waves of anxiety & panic.I have cried lots today because I feel so very sad & vulnerable,scared & battle weary:weep: .I have started reading Claire Weekes book, am trying to instill in my brain the face,accept & float way of dealing with this condition. I feel like such a failure for not overcoming anxiety,as much as I have tried I just can't seem to hack it.I really have tried to pass through the symptoms over the past 8 months,make some progress but then I have an anxious thought about my heart ( I have a fear of having heart disease) bc I have read an email,read something on one of the posts which freaks me out so I am aware of my heart beating & stress. I need some support here folks. I am on medication which the doc increased about 10 days ago but I have slowly increased the dose bc I was worried about how the increased dose would affect me. I am sad,sad,sad & scared to go to sleep tonight....

[sue.b]

Hi ya Blot

Sorry to hear you have had such a bad day. Ectopics are so scary aren't they. It easy to get into a vicious circle of Ectopics, catastropic thoughts about them, thus more anxiety and more Ectopic beats.

I had these years ago when i had lots of stress going on and so lots of anxiety. I could not get my head around the fact that these palpitations are caused by stress and anxiety.

I saw various doctors who told me this but I still did not believe them. I was put on propranalol 40 mg twice a day. This helped but did not stop the palpitations.

I can remember being so scared that i was going to die. Incidently the ectopics started 2 weeks before my wedding, i was marrying the man of my dreams, i was looking so forward to our life together and all i could think of was that i was going to die before our lives had started.

I can honestly say "I was wrong" what I did was spent a lot of time worrying, being scared to go out, scared to move sometimes. Then, one day I realised that I was not living the life i wanted for me and my husband anyway, so I took a chance and started to ignore the palpitations, or actually tell them to "do their worst", this took the fear and power out of them and they eventually subsided and disappeared.

Occassionally i get the odd ectopic beat but i am not scared of them anymore so they can't take hold of me.

If you can break the negative circle you will ease the ectopics.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Take care

Sue xx:bighug1:

[JayX]

I think the main thing Sue said there that rings true with me was telling them "to do their worst" I got so fed up with my anxiety that I was at the point where I just decided to let it kill me if it could and if not to leave me the hell alone! like I got angry with it for destroying my life and just wanted it to be over one way or the other... no amount of the doctors telling me it was "just anxiety" made sense to me as I've always seen myself as a rational person to just let my mind play these kind of tricks on me but I have noticed such a massive improvement over the last month or so. I think anxiety is so much an individual thing.. you have your things that trigger your bad days and I have mine but you also have that 1 thing out there that will trigger your first steps to overcoming it same as me. You will find it as well!

Jay xxx

[Blot]

thanx for the support & understanding Jay & Sue. I slept well last night & so today is a new day filled with new mercy. Sue, you hit the nail on the head - I experience the ectopics & palps,it startles me then I begin the cycle of fearing that I will go into atrial fib & so the anxiety escalates(sp?).Like you I have been to cardiologists over the past 9 years who have done a battery of tests & all have diagnosed a healthy heart.I too am not living the way I should bc of this constant fear.I will give your advice a go for sure!!
Thanx again!

[jbyrd]

I'm so sorry you've had such a rough go of it lately. The heart thing is so scary! I had it a few years ago and recall rushing to the doctors office 30 minutes away, knowing I would die before I got there. She did a stress test and even as I was having the palpitations my stress test was fine. My heart was healthy. After a while they went away (thankfully). Now I have a whole other set of worries and am once again in a place like you've described. I do love Claire Weekes and need to read her again. I have her cd's Pass Through Panic which I listen to whenever I'm driving. She reminds of they symptoms being anxiety, which is so easily forgotten when in the midst of it all. I hope your day remains filled with hope. You're not alone in this suffering!

[Blot]

Thanx Jbyrd, it is so reassuring to hear of folk who know what I am going through. Ta for the tip on the claire weekes cd which I will source - great to listen to her in the car.Good luck with your battles agst your worries!