Relationship Anxiety

[hellbelle49]

Hello everyone,
I am new to nomorepanic and wanted to know if there is anyone out there like me.
I have suffered on and off with panic and anxiety for the past 11 years and they have always been related to relationships as my first panic attack happened in a lift with a guy when i was 16 and after that i was terrified to go out with anyone for years. I slowly did allow myself to go out with guys (although it took 5 years) but any serious relationship i have had has finished due to my anxiety. My boyfriend and i split up on Sunday night as the last four months i have been in extreme panic after we had a small argument. It then triggered for me to think he looked differently and question why i was with him. Soon i was comparing him with different kinds of guys and then every little thing was a trigger for anxiety - he didnt like the same songs as me - panic, he didnt do impressions, he didnt like this or that - every thought was irriational but soon i believed them all to be true. On Sunday we had no choice but to end it as i just didnt feel comfortable anymore as i couldnt work out if it was simply wrong or if my panic and anxiety had told me it was wrong. I am just so upset and disparing thinking i will never be able to have a successful relationship as anxiety always rears it head and convinces me its wrong. Is anyone out there suffering like me? i would really like to hear from you as i feel so alone. I have good friends who listen but no one understands and i dont have the support of my family. thanks heaps. Hellbelle

[Maddy]

You don't say whether you have tried any therapy but if not then 11 years is a long time to suffer. Lots of people have said that CBT has been a great help to them so maybe you could start there. Try not to look too far into the future as far as relationships go, just give time to yourself and look into which therapy is best for you. EFT also comes highly recommended for anxiety also.

[hellbelle49]

over the 11 years, i have had various lots of talk therapy that helped for a time as many issues came up about my family and how bad my parents relationship was during my growing up years.
Since 4 months ago when all this severe anxiety started for me i have been seeing a psychodynamic counsellor and started CBT also last week but it was my first session so really was only explaining the issue and have to wait till next week to go back again as it is only fortnightly.
I really would like to hear from people who have been in a relationship and convinced themselves it is wrong through real problems that could be real and seem real so you believe them so you no longer can feel comfortable in the relationship as you feel a fraud and being dishonest to your partner as you have judged them and picked them apart so much that all you can feel is anxiety

[hellbelle49]

anyone else have any advice or similar stories on this?
Most people i read on here seem to have relationship anxiety where they have a fear of their partner going to end things whereas my anxiety leads me to think so many negative thoughts about my partner that i no longer feel comfortable and then there is no other option but to end it?
I would really like to hear from people who have ever experienced something similiar
Thanks guys
Hellbelle

[SarahP]

Hiya love,

I've seen quite a few people talk about this on here, this is a link to a related thread, which in itself has another link in it to something called relationship OCD... http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=50717&highlight=relationship+anxiety

I hope this helps you see at least that you are not alone in this. I suffered with it too, although in the end I decided that the boyfriend I was doing it with wasn't the right person for me so I ended it. I suffered with relationship anxiety on and off with him, but I think there were always underlying problems whether I was anxious or not.

I'm not sure how to get through it, except to treat it like another anxiety symptom and try and live your life alongside it until it no longer matters. I'm not v good at explaining this, but try reading some of Claire Weekes's books- they've really helped me!

Good luck, and lots of love

Sarah xx :)

[hellbelle49]

Hi Sarah
Thanks so much for that. I hadnt heard of ROCD. I just read an article on it and it does sound kinda like me. My boyfriend and i have some different interests and personality traits and my mind has become obsessed that we are different and not compatible. After our argument this was also triggered off by some other guy who had made it clear he liked me and there was an attraction there but not something i would act on - this has led me to continue to freak out and because all the thoughts and anxiety feel so real, it made me forget how good the relationship had been before that point and we broke up as we just couldnt get back there - it is so hard to know whether it is ROCD or relationship anxiety or whether or not you just arent suited as the thoughts really convince you of that.
I have just ordered a Claire weekes book actually so i will take a look.
Many thanks for your help
Helen x

[wewantfun]

i have been having relationship anxiety too, my marraige broke down, and now im in a new relationship, the guy is younger then me, and that worrys me, and to top it all off, this is going to sound soooo stupid, i got my haircut the other day and its quite short now and im terrified he ain't gonna like it:weep: ..he's coming to stay today for a week and im so stressed over it, all my symptoms are coming back, lump in throat, chest hurting, headache, feeling sick and weak its so silly over something so little but i can't help it.
trying to calm myself down but it ain't easy