View Full Version : fear of commitment

19-10-05, 21:08
has anyone got a fear of spending the rest of your life with someone?

i've been with my partner for over 2 years now and have a beautiful little boy, we're getting married next year. the trouble is i'm really scared of spending the rest of my life with one person and keep thinking of up and leaving. I've always had this problem (before i met my partner) and i just think what if in 10 years the marriage fissles out.

My partner is aware i do this so tolerates my threats to leave but i worry how long he will for

I really do love him so much and know he's the only one for me but i wish i knew why i feel this way.

it's now affecting all relationships with family and friends where i push them away and say i dont want to know them anymore

my parents had a very rocky relationship and ive seen lots of relationships go soar

so does anyone know if there's such a thing as a commitment phobic? and how to overcome it?

19-10-05, 21:19
Hi there,
Im sorry i have no answer's for you, i have been married for 27 years, together for a lot more, i have never thought of not being together, we have and still do have our ups and downs, every relationship does, we have four children, we argue, we disagree, we love, we shout, we cry (at least i do) and we enjoy each other, please try just to be happy with each other you have a beautiful child, don;t worry that other's around you have had problems, it will not happen to you. just enjoy, love and have a good time together. take care. xxxxx

20-10-05, 13:19
i do wish i could simply sit back and enjoy the relationships i have with people and i know all to well how blessed i am.

It seems to be centered around a deep seated fear of rejection so i reject other people first. i always feel like people who care about me don't see the real me (like they see me through rose tinted glasses) and that if they did they would see they could do better.

my partner is a wonderful person and great looking. so i feel like he could find someone better without the anxiety to deal with.

I feel like my son will grow up thinking im a bad mum and my family will reject me

i know i must sound crazy but surely im not the only person to fear and act this way?

11-11-05, 13:41
Hi there,
My problem is not exactly the same as yours but I suffer from a commitment disorder I suppose. I have been married for just over 2 years and we've been together for nearly 11 yeas. We moved in together and got married and I only had the slightest of nerves the night before my wedding, which everyone does but now it's come to having children, I am suffering crippling anxiety and feel I could even be sabotaging my marriage due to my fears. I sit and stare at my husband and freak out that my fears over having children might be because I don't really want to be with him but when I am rational I know full well that's not the truth. I love him and could barely ask for him to be any better suited to me - except for him to be a millionaire! I then sit there and feel awful for thinking these things about it him, which he has no idea about obviously, when he is so good to me.

I think I fear the commitment a child would be and nag at myself as to whether I'm up to the job, would it love me, would I love it, would I get post natal depression, would I regret it and the list goes on.

My best friend is younger than me, has two beautiful boys but cannot bring herself to get married. She has full blown hot flushes just thinking about it.

To me it seems so odd, to get married is not such a big deal for me, at the end of the day you can always get out of it but with a child, there's no going back!!

The stupid thing is, I love kids, I adore all the children in my life and my husband and I always take our nieces and nephews on holidays with us and are constantly ‘borrowing’ children as we want to do all the family things, trips to the zoo, theme parks, camping etc so it seems ridiculous that I can't bring myself to have my own!

You’ve already committed to having a child with your partner, which is the biggest commitment you can make to anyone. Another friend of mine had a child before she got married and she said her wedding day was nice but would never be as much of a deal as mine was to me, as she’d already done the single most important thing she could ever do with her life which was having her daughter.

We all have our fears and you’re not alone in yours, sometimes you just have to go with the now and worry about the future when it happens. I certainly wish I could heed my own advice and I am getting there slowly!