luke1982
09-09-09, 20:38
I dont know really how to start this post, I just really wanna get it out there, get it off my chest so to speak.
But iv just been thinking to myself what if I get worse? What would become of me, im scared ill get bad again and end up in hospital iv read many peoples fears on here are losing it, their sanity. I fear iv already lost mine and although I have regular meetings with my doctor and cpn I dont feel like they are doing enough to help me preserve what sanity that still remains.
Daily I hallucinate auditory and visually, my mind is manic and I cannot pin point thoughts very well to be able to concentrate on things properly on top of that i have bad delusions about my health.
I feel that im slowly pushing away people that care about me also.
In the last year iv become a recluse barely see anyone people I thought were my friends dont bother with me anymore (since going to hospital). I get the feeling people just think im insane.
I dont even know why im writing this post right now I just want someone to speak to me really I suppose.
I dont get much interaction with the world these days and im feeling a bit lonely.
Iv been given more drugs to take today bit scared about them though its another anxiety one lorazipam or how ever you spell it.
Do people generally fear people like me? The apparently clinically insane? The thought people have become weary of me really gets me down.
I wish sometimes I was like I was a year ago in the pub with friends or having a laugh at work.
Im really scared one day ill be carted off again
But iv just been thinking to myself what if I get worse? What would become of me, im scared ill get bad again and end up in hospital iv read many peoples fears on here are losing it, their sanity. I fear iv already lost mine and although I have regular meetings with my doctor and cpn I dont feel like they are doing enough to help me preserve what sanity that still remains.
Daily I hallucinate auditory and visually, my mind is manic and I cannot pin point thoughts very well to be able to concentrate on things properly on top of that i have bad delusions about my health.
I feel that im slowly pushing away people that care about me also.
In the last year iv become a recluse barely see anyone people I thought were my friends dont bother with me anymore (since going to hospital). I get the feeling people just think im insane.
I dont even know why im writing this post right now I just want someone to speak to me really I suppose.
I dont get much interaction with the world these days and im feeling a bit lonely.
Iv been given more drugs to take today bit scared about them though its another anxiety one lorazipam or how ever you spell it.
Do people generally fear people like me? The apparently clinically insane? The thought people have become weary of me really gets me down.
I wish sometimes I was like I was a year ago in the pub with friends or having a laugh at work.
Im really scared one day ill be carted off again